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A bit pissed off

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A bit pissed off

Postby carla » Fri Nov 10, 2006 10:31 am

Sorry. This is going to be a bit of a whinge.

On another forum I go to, not a weight-loss one, a couple of guys were talking about women who choose not to have children V women who want children.

I have absolutely NO issues with women who choose not have children and I want to make that very clear. It is wonderful that we live in a society where this is not just foisted on women and expected of women regardless of their feelings or desires.

What has angered me to the point where I actually feel I would maybe slap this guy if he were in front of me, is this line he came out with, to the effect of 'women who dont want kids are usually so much more fun than those wannabe-baby-factories'

This reminded me of the time I was asked by someone online in a chat how many children I have. When I replied (I have three), the response was 'woof'.

!@&*(*&(*$!!!!!

I have responded to this guy's post and told him I found it incredibly insulting. No apology has been given and I know he's been back online.

This kind of thing really gets to me. It is yet another judgement from parts of society about our value as women, as people, as nurturers. It is essentially a de-valuing.

What is most upsetting about this is that this particular forum is supposedly one which values 'real people' in an effort to form an online church community.

And as yet, not one other person has challenged him on it.



:(

Rant over.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Nov 10, 2006 10:53 am

oh my! its from a church community and the guy said that? im disgusted too. i would want an apology too carla. cant you speak to the moderator and ask them to do something about it? women can be fun whether they have kids or not. he obviously is a chauvenist (sp?) bachelor.
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Postby yummymummy » Fri Nov 10, 2006 11:07 am

Wow how rude!!! It really annoys me when anybody thinks they have the right to pass judgement on the choices and lifestyles of another.

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Postby slimmindown » Fri Nov 10, 2006 12:30 pm

Coming from someone who doesnt have children, I too find that comment disgusting. Men who make comments like that are usually to full of themselves and dont like the idea of coming second best to anyone or anything.

I would complain to the mod to Carla :(
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Postby Ally » Fri Nov 10, 2006 12:57 pm

I speak from the point of view of a very proud mum who loves her children and wouldn't have it any other way when I say......that guy is a complete loser.

I would never swap my life for anything, but I respect and admire women who have made the choice that they either don't want to have kids or just can't. The choices we make in life are no one else business except ours. The only people who should have a say in the matter is the people around us that our decision effects personally, but ultimately the decision is still yours.

If women choose not to have children it is their right as much as it is for us that do, choose to.

That man is an arrogant pig, and as for the fact that mum's can't have fun....come to my place sometime!!
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Postby KimE » Fri Nov 10, 2006 6:50 pm

What a dreadful thing to say and he obviously has no concept of appropriate things to say and what my be hurtful to others. It is especially surprising to be found in the type of forum you mentioned.
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Postby carla » Fri Nov 10, 2006 7:29 pm

Thanks so much!

I feel better for hearing all of that. I could send a note to moderators but I dont think they'd do much. You know how these things can be sometimes turned on you so that you just look like a whining whinger.
There are a few very sincere, good and cool people there, otherwise Id just leave.

But yeah...people can be so bloody callous and thoughtless sometimes.
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Postby MissE » Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:33 am

Pfft what a jerk. I dont have kids and I'm boring as hell ;)

but seriously, generalisations like that just make the poster look like a jerk.
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Postby Groovychic » Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:14 am

Society today seems to have put a lot of emphasis on women that work. I often wonder what percentage of mothers out there stay at home for their kids once they are at school. Personally I feel a pressure to work, from my partner, as well as society. It's like it is expected. And I feel these women who choose not to have children because they want to work are taking a small amount of pressure of themselves, which is a good thing. How many times have you started a conversation with someone and they ask within the first few minutes of the convo "what do you do for a living"???? When you tell them that you stay at home with the kids they either say "wow what an easy life not having to go to work " or dont talk to you for much longer because they assume you only have knowledge about how to bring up the kids. When I have worked I feel people think more of me. When I am at home with the kids and not brining in an income I feel I am a bit worthless. But my kids want me at home because they know I get grumpy when I work, even just 3 days a week!!! I get so depressed because I feel tied to the job. My last job, which lasted about 4 months, made me miserable. I didnt enjoy the work. I certainly didnt enjoy sitting on my arse all day staring at a computer screen listening to the owners fighting!!! And I would come home and have to do all the stuff that I should have done during the day if I was at home. The kids eat more junk food(mind you they think that is the good part about me working!!!) and one pupil free days and holidays I have to palm them off to friends and family, which I really hate. When I sold real estate(did that for 5.5 years until the end of 2004) in the school holidays, each morning the kids would say so where are we are going today while you're at work mum! I hated it. I started selling real estate when my daughter was just 18 months old. I missed out on so much. But I felt better about myself because I was working. Yet looking back at it now I totally regret it. My thoughts are that if mothers want to work they have to be very mentally prepared for the stress and conflicting emotions it is going to bring them. So these women who choose to work and not have kids have made a decision to not have that extra stress, which to me, is a smart thing to do. Anyway I have crapped on long enough about this. I should get off my fat bum and stop staring at the computer screen. Gotta go have a leg wax this morning anyway!!! And do some baking for the kids of course!
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:38 am

hi rochelle

i worked right up to 39 weeks gestation and i was buggered! i really enjoy being at home with heidi and we plan on having another bub when heidi heads off to schooll so i get the one on one time with the baby like i do with heidi. most my sisters stayed at home til they had their kids and their kids went off to school. my mum was a stay at home mum and she had 6 kids. she never worked and i didnt realise til i had heidi jsut how hard she worked at home looking after us! cooking cleaning, going to school events such as the easter hat parades, parent teacher interviews, award ceremonies and so on. then driving us to and from sports during the week and on weekends. i think a lot of people think 'oh that woman works because she is career minded and palms her kids off to day care' the fact is a lot of women need to work for financial reasons and would love to see their childs first steps hear their child say their first word and so on. unfortunately they need to work to bring the money in. but the some people think 'oh stay at home mums, they claim money off the government (which isnt a lot mind you) and sit on their butts all day. that isnt true! i do not stop from the moment i get up til the moment i go to bed. if heidi wakes in the middle of the night im up then too. somedays i sit there and think well i would love to adult interaction by having a job and earning soeme xtra money because sometimes we struggle and i feel bad that im not contributing financially. but then i think i love being at home watching my little girl grow- especially considering i was told i might not have kids. working a child care teacher too i ahve seen bubs being dropped off at 6am and picked up at 6pm 5 days a week due to the parents both having to work and i vowed to myself that i would rather live on baked beans! lol. also if i look at going back to work i need to find child care for heidi and my wage would just cover those child care fees. *sigh* i love heidi to bits and wouldnt have it any other way, and you do struggle from time to time. i guess each family just needs to work out what is best for them financially as well as emotionally.

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Postby Hayley » Wed Nov 15, 2006 11:33 am

Wow! My goodness, what a terrible thing for him to have said!

I am a mum of the most gorgeous 3 year old boy and I wouldn't have it any other way. I couldn't imagine my life without him or other children in the future and it has never ever entered my mind not to have kids....however, I also greatly respect the women who do not have children (for whatever reason), and that choice is no one else's business.

I had to send Connor to fulltime daycare from 8 months of age, as we had too many debts and couldn't afford to live if I didn't. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I felt like such a terrible mum for doing that, however, I had no choice. At the age of 2 and a half, Connor stoped going to daycare and I have been a stay-at-home mum ever since, which I absolutely adore, even though it is financially difficult at times. I left the teaching profession in January this year and have no intention of ever going back to it, cos it took up too much of my family time! The great news is, that when/if we take over these holiday villas in Shark Bay, I can work at home and have Connor there too. I will be looking into him joining a playgroup or something similar, as I value the interaction he'd have with other kids.

I have a child and i still know how to have a great time. He's obviously been meeting the wrong type of woman, because there is absolutely no way that all mothers are boring!!

I honestly hope he apologises and I would be contacting the moderators of the site, because that sort of comment is unacceptable as far as I'm concerned - WHAT A PIG!
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Postby Groovychic » Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:48 pm

Exactly, we are not boring people just because we don't go out and work etc. But that is what society has led us to believe. Look at the guilt that we all go through at some stage in our lives. Even women who chose not have children would go through the guilt of not having children. And it is so wrong of us to think like that. We are all wonderful human beings(well most of us anyway) and as women particulaly, we make the best out of every situation. And I think a lot of the guilt we feel is thrown at us from the men of this world. How many women out there havent got a certain job because they think o she's a chick and she'll want to have kids later on down the track. I tell ya, women cant win either way. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Sort of a little like men who are asked the question "does my bum look big in this!!!" :lol: :lol: :lol: . So I prescribe to the theory that it is best to do what you think is the right thing to do for the situation. I always consider others when making a decision, but it certainly doesnt make me a boring person because I choose not to work. I really do feel for those women that are juggling a full time job and small children at home. I dont know how they have time to do it all. I don't know how I used to have time to do it all. I remember the house was constantly a mess, thank gawd it was tiny!!! I certainly would not have coped if we lived here when I worked the stupid hours that I worked. That guy needs a good kick up the arse and tell him to think about what he says in the future.
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Postby Ally » Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:52 pm

I agree with everything you have said Groovychic...I get really annoyed that SAHM's are treated like no brainers...Scott's boss believes that I am wasted at home and should be out working as I have an eye for figures etc, but you know what?? When my babies hit high school maybe then, but until then I want them to know that I am here for them!! I love my "job" and would not trade it for all the money in the world..I am really blessed to have a hubby who will support his family. Not once has he said I should go back to work in fact he is the opposite!!! I will enter the workforce again when I feel my children are good and ready for me to go!
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Postby carla » Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:07 am

Update...

Though he didn't exactly apologise, he did say that he had not been referring to mothers in general nor women who want to have children in general. He said he was referring to women who enter into relationships with men with the priority of having children, where everything else, including the partner, becomes secondary to this. I suppose that is somewhat understandable. I would not like to enter into a relationship where my primary meaning for my partner lay in my ability to provide children.

But I do think he should have chosen his words more carefully.

Anyway, my last comment on that thread was that I hear baby-making machines will soon be released in hovercraft models complete with hyper-space capabilities and invisibility functions and there shall no escape. :twisted: :lol:
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:13 am

hi carla

yes he should have chosen his words more carefully, it is hard on forum as some people can get the wrong idea (its happened here before on this forum!) as long as everything is all good there again!!
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