Mind games and true seeing...

[Tams]

Ok, question for you guys. Has anyone got to a goal weight, or a number that meant something to them, only to look in the mirror and think 'really? that doesn't look like what I thought it would!' ?

[DD Diva]

Ok, question for you guys. Has anyone got to a goal weight, or a number that meant something to them, only to look in the mirror and think 'really? that doesn't look like what I thought it would!' ?

Hi Tams,
I haven't as yet got to goal (just yet) and although I'm less than 14kg away from it, I still see myself as "big". In fact, I still head straight for the plus size ladies clothes section when I'm at the shops and (though it's happened often enough) am still shocked to find that most (if not all) the items on the racks are way to big for me!!!
The brain is an amazing thing, even though my body has shrunk it still registers and portrays a bigger image to that which is actually shown in the mirror!!!
I have yet to get "used to" the fact that the massive girl that waddled around is gone!!! It seems one minute she was there, huffing and puffing at every step, then I turned around and suddenly (and yes, it feels like it's only been a short time ago) there's this person who kinda looks like her (only better) and she's not grasping for breath or the nearer seat after each step!!!
So in answer to your question, for me at least, time is yet to tell, but so far....I can't see it reality let alone whether my goal weight looks as it should!!!

[Blitz]

Ok, question for you guys. Has anyone got to a goal weight, or a number that meant something to them, only to look in the mirror and think 'really? that doesn't look like what I thought it would!' ?

The eye is very deceptive. When I was really really overweight I thought I was just "slightly big". It is very common for overweight people to underestimate how big they really are. It was only some time after I lost my weight that both my wife and myself had the weird experience of looking at old fat photos of myself and seeing reality of how overweight I was. It was as if someone had secretly taken the photos and stretched them sideways. We just could believe just how huge I was...yet at the time we just couldn't see it.

Towards reaching my weight loss goal, many people were worried that I was going too far and losing too much weight. Even my doctor thought that I should stop when I had reached the 90s kilo range. In a sense these people were suffering this same sort of optical illusion as well. Because they didn't see me daily, they are shocked by how dramatically thinner I looked than their "mind's eye" picture of me. Thus I looked "too skinny" to them even when I was no where near the healthy weight range.

I had set my goal weight at the beginning of my journey. It was an empirical measure based on recognised height/weight charts. I set my goal at slightly above the average midpoint of the range. I achieved my goal weight (I wanted to achieve it - anything less than that felt like a compromise to me) despite the fact that as I got close to it I understood that my weight should be slightly heavier than goal weight. What I hadn't taken into account was that by losing 87 kilos I had a lot of loose skin on my body that had weight but wasn't fat. The charts were measure for normal height/weights...the loose skin was skewing that. Also I learnt that the latest research indicate that these charts are generally too lean in their figures. The body is actually better with a few kilos more than a lot of these general charts reflect.

My goal weight was 66.7kg. Once I achieved that I decided to was healthier for me to sit between 67kg and 70kg (mostly at the upper end). Also shortly after I had my hernia operation where the surgeon removed about 2 - 3 kilos of loose skin. Without that I think I should have been sitting at between 70kg and 73kg...so between that and the remaining loose skin 67kg - 70kg range works out good for me even though theoretically I'm at the edge of the normal range for me.

Bottom line: don't judge on looks. Use a chart and listen to your body.

Kim

[Rocca]

Ok, question for you guys. Has anyone got to a goal weight, or a number that meant something to them, only to look in the mirror and think 'really? that doesn't look like what I thought it would!' ?

Yes!

Although not exactly... When I first lost weight I didn't really have a goal weight, so I didn't really have expectations about how I would look. At my lowest (61kg) though, I remember thinking I was still too big, My friends were still slimmer than me and I didn't feel like I could wear a bikini, which is what I wanted. My healthy weight range is 48-65kgs so I wanted to be at the lower end. So that rings true with what you are saying and what the other guys say about the brain's perceptions. Because, when I look back at photos of my 61kg self now, I think I look GREAT and want to be back there, no need to be lower. I am going to try and keep my perceptions in check by trying to remember how different it is to be my highest (25kgs heavier) as I just don't think I notice (and appreciate!) the change over the weight loss journey.

Wouldn't it be great if we could trick your brain into seeing yourself for the first time since you started losing weight? I bet the trouble areas would be ignored and we'd be impressed with the overall picture!
We're always going to be harsher on ourselves too, as we focus on the bits we don't like. I remember when I still thought I had too much fat on me at 61kgs, a friend that had much less fat on her was jealous of how flat my tummy was - because I had worked so hard to get that tummy fat off whereas she was just naturally skinny and therefore less toned in that area.

[Rocca]

I meant "Wouldn't it be great if we could trick our brains into seeing ourselves..." - Didn't mean you specifically!

[Tams]

Totally got you Rocca - and yeah, I also have photos where I know at the time I thought I was too big, but now looking at them, I WISH!

My scales are reading a pretty low figure (for me) at the moment, so I'm trying to tell my brain/eyes that I should like what I see...to me I look bigger than I did 3months ago at a kilo heavier. Go figure.

I have also a memory of being shocked at an advertisement I saw last year, calling for models at least 171cm, and no more than 57kgs. I remember laughing in derision that this was not a naturally healthy weight (except for that rare percentage of ectomorph out there). When my scales then said 59.9 last week, it really left me wondering if I was wrong - because I think (say my eyes) there could be another 2 kilos loss still in my body fat. Maybe I've always thought I've been 'normal' when really I have quite a bit to lose???!!!

[Blitz]

Don't forget the reasons they use underweight women as models Tams.
Firstly, photography "adds" weight to subjects.
Secondly, designers ideally want a clothes hanger to show their clothes on.
They are interested in flow and draping lines in the dress design...form (ie model's body) just gets in the way.
If it was possible designers would have models that looked like their original sketches...
body portions being 10 feet tall with most of the body taking one third of it and the rest being super long legs and arrms (and a sizeable thin neck).

Kim

[Tams]

Well yeah, I've always thought they were underweight...the fashion ones anyway. This ad was for models for a 'meet and greet/ hosting' gig, so no photography, and they wouldn't want skinny skinny for that. But I still thought the 'specs' sounded completely unrealistic - based on my own body. Now I'm not so sure.

[Blitz]

This ad was for models for a 'meet and greet/ hosting' gig, so no photography, and they wouldn't want skinny skinny for that.

Oh yes they do! They are not interested in normal looking women. My second reason in my previous post covers why. They really do want skinny skinny...indeed they would actually prefer stick stick!
They ideally want a model that looks exactly like their fashion drawings. In art school we were given a quick lesson on fashion drawing. The whole idea behind fashion drawing has nothing to do with reality. What the fashion designer is after is flow of line and fabric. Literally they are after the human figure to become as close to a clothes hanger as possible (hence like a stick).

Kim

[CronicBadger]

Yes, unrealistic view swinging in both directions.

When I was 128 kilos I'd look at myself. Without a mirror I considered myself pretty solid, but the fat was evenly distributed rather than making me look disproportionate. The mirror reinforced this except when I'd sit down on a bed and face a dressing table mirror and see a formless sack of lard as the layer of fat got bunched up as I folded. A side-view in the mirror was worse because it looked like I was 9-months pregnant.

But,as I said, I didn't look 128 kilos because it was, when standing tall, evenly distributed. I kidded myself for decades that I was "solid" but healthy. I was a liar to myself but didn't care.

Then I lost 50 kilos a few years back. At 75 kilos (five shy of my goal weight) I still felt too fat despite everyone saying I wasn't. I didn't feel like I'd achieved much at all. The loose tummy skin was rolled about my waist but the fat loss was uneven and, to me at least, there was still too much tummy (visceral) fat remaining. I was only in the 70s for a few months and I don't think I gave it enough time for the remaining fat to be gradually redistributed.

So when I get to the mid 70s again I'll stick around there for a while - long enough to get comfortable with it.

[Tams]

Yeah, good idea - maybe it is just body settling and the mind will follow!!

[Blitz]

I can really relate to your post Marc. When I was very big my mind loved convincing me that I was big but not super huge. A full length mirror and lifting my saggy gut with my hands showed a side view that would do a 9 month pregnant woman proud!

One of the things that would give me a reality check about my hugeness then was shopping centre car parks. Apart from the fact of trying to squeeze in and out the driver's door because of the tight fit with the park next to you - I would try to walk between parked cars...judging that if I moved sideways I could get through - only to discover that I was a lot wider than I thought I was.

After you reach goal weight the body does redistribute the weight around. When I had finished my face was very gaunt and I had no real bottom to speak of. After some time (6 - 12 months) the gauntness has gone and I had a bottom. I've noticed that my fingers are thinner and I've generally smoothed out a bit all over. My whole body is less angular now. This all may have occurred because I'm less muscular than I was then due to the fact I'm not exercising as much.

I've still got a heck of a lot of wrinkly loose skin but either I've just got use to it (and the mind is playing it's games) or that too has smoothed out a bit. Don't get me wrong...this body I've got now is still a ruined monument to the folly of getting overweight and a silent warning not to do it again.
But if I'm waiting for perfection to arrive...I'll be waiting to dooms day!

Kim