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Old Lovers

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Old Lovers

Postby Lolly » Sat Jan 20, 2007 6:46 am

*sigh*

I love my husband, he saved me from myself and is truly my soulmate BUT recently I have had more contact with Nathans father. His marraige has broken down irretrievably recently and he has turned to me for support - just talking. This man and I have always stayed friends even after he left me for this woman (when I was pregnant with Nathan - was a whole messy sort of story but apologies have been given and accepted and we have moved on).

The problem is, part of me keeps asking "what if?". I know he was my first great love but I know we don't work together - he is a great guy and his happiness is important to me - not only because we are friends but because we share a child. I have discussed this with my hubby - he loves me and is hurt by my questioning heart - which I never intended. I don't think I would ever act on these feelings even if the situation presented itself - I have too much to lose and not enough to gain if you get what I mean.

I am rambling....

He doesn't live in the same town as me but after my discussion with Bob last weekend, I rang his Mum on Thursday only to hear he was coming down this weekend - long time since the last visit - and I wanted to dump everything and race over there :? I am going to go and see him today - we will take Nathan out for the day together - Bob is away on his bike at the moment and knows I am going - he kissed me goodbye this morning and told me how much he loved me - almost as if he thinks I will go.

I feel like crying because I never should have said anything to Bob, I have hurt my soulmate in a way I didn't believe was possible. I don't think he trusts me with this other man - I trust me as I know it would never work with him - what we shared was very special but it is over now and the past should not be repeated, it would just re-open old wounds and damage our friendship - which is far more important to me.

I am rambling again, just ignore me, I have to write this down as it makes it easier to sort in my head :oops:
Every day I am getting thinner and thinner.....


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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Jan 20, 2007 6:59 am

HI LOlly

firstly dont feel as if you are the only one who has thought 'what if'. i do it quite often and my ex and i were together for 2 years. sometime is think what if this or that and then i look at what i have here with me and realise that i love what i have. my ex and i broke up because he was the one cheating on me and treating me bad so i left. why would i want to go back? its not going to heal my broken heart!

also i think its wonderful that you are so honest with your hubby about it all. communication and honesty is very important in a relationship. i think he would be more hurt if he heard you met up wiht your ex behind his back. its good that you and your ex are civil- especially for your son's sake and by all means go and meet up and have a coffee etc. but this is your new life now- with bob. your ex probably has got a few issues of his own to deal with- his relationship with you didnt work out and neither did his relationship that just ended.

keep smiling dolly and think about how wonderful bob is and you will be fine :)
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Re: Old Lovers

Postby Pepper » Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:48 am

Lolly wrote:*sigh*

I love my husband, he saved me from myself and is truly my soulmate BUT recently I have had more contact with Nathans father. His marraige has broken down irretrievably recently and he has turned to me for support - just talking. This man and I have always stayed friends even after he left me for this woman (when I was pregnant with Nathan - was a whole messy sort of story but apologies have been given and accepted and we have moved on).

The problem is, part of me keeps asking "what if?". I know he was my first great love but I know we don't work together - he is a great guy and his happiness is important to me - not only because we are friends but because we share a child. I have discussed this with my hubby - he loves me and is hurt by my questioning heart - which I never intended. I don't think I would ever act on these feelings even if the situation presented itself - I have too much to lose and not enough to gain if you get what I mean.

I am rambling....

He doesn't live in the same town as me but after my discussion with Bob last weekend, I rang his Mum on Thursday only to hear he was coming down this weekend - long time since the last visit - and I wanted to dump everything and race over there :? I am going to go and see him today - we will take Nathan out for the day together - Bob is away on his bike at the moment and knows I am going - he kissed me goodbye this morning and told me how much he loved me - almost as if he thinks I will go.

I feel like crying because I never should have said anything to Bob, I have hurt my soulmate in a way I didn't believe was possible. I don't think he trusts me with this other man - I trust me as I know it would never work with him - what we shared was very special but it is over now and the past should not be repeated, it would just re-open old wounds and damage our friendship - which is far more important to me.

I am rambling again, just ignore me, I have to write this down as it makes it easier to sort in my head :oops:


Lolly, your answers are all in the bits quoted and bolded for you to see.

The past is the past, now let it go.

You have a man who not only loves you to bits and "has saved your from yourself" as you put it, and who has the constant reminder of the love shared with another man in a physical form, ie. Nathan. Your revisiting the old relationship, even to comfort a friend, will affect Bob in many ways, and may even impact on your son who up until now, the fact that he belongs to another man obviously is okay. But when he has to see the "what if" look in your eyes (and trust me, HE CAN see it) which is why he sounded so down, EVERYTHING will change.

Go back, call Bob and tell him you've had a change of heart, your relationship with him is what matters the most, and you don't wish to jeopardise your relationship by casting any doubts in him mind, so have decided not to go.

As for the "what if"s in life.....NEWS FLASH.....the world is full of them!!! They are there to dream away a few boring hours, but that's it, you can't build your life on them; there are nothing more than hypotheticals (nice ones perhaps) but nothing more than fantasy....LET IT GO.

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.
Strong people don't walk away from the truth, only the excuses others try to sell them.
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Postby Jisgone » Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:46 am

Its completely natural to wonder what if, we all do it not only with our love life but with other things too! sometimes it can feel like the grass is greener on the other side but it seems like u have your head screwed on right and that u know where you belong :)
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Postby Lolly » Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:06 am

Thank you all for reading this mornings ramblings - I feel like I have my head around things now - I am not even tempted to have the "what if" argument with myself.

Oh, and hearing the ex snore this morning when I dropped Nathan off (I decided NOT to stay) was the biggest turnoff I have ever had - what was I thinking :shock:
Every day I am getting thinner and thinner.....


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Postby Lolly » Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:32 am

Bob is home, I cried when his face lit up because I was here - now this is what love is.

He may have a few speeding tickets though :shock: cause he was upset when he left here this morning - but it is a small price to pay - our relationship is worth so much more.

Oh, and he couldn't congratulate me enough on this weeks loss :D
Every day I am getting thinner and thinner.....


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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sat Jan 20, 2007 12:00 pm

AWWWWWWWWW
Man.
That is so sweet.
It's so normal to think about the 'what ifs' of life, Lolly, and you have done the best thing possible by deciding "Nope, I'm not going to do that, and I'm going to put 100% into Bob & I".
Aw.
Bob sounds like a sweety!
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Postby slimmindown » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:03 pm

sounds like it has all turned out for the best and if anything has cemented your true feelings for Bob and your soul mate connection. you are lucky to have such a bloke that you can be honest and open with, he sounds so sweet.. :) :) :) :)
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Postby Simmy » Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:56 pm

I don't think I can offer anything else that the others haven't already said. You're husband sounds like an amzing guy, as are you. Its good you shared that with us - its nice to know its not only about supporting each other through weight loss. I am surprised how quickly Ive come to think of you all as my friends. Thinking about you guys when Im not even online. I was thinking of Kate yesterday when I was enjoying 'Ducks Nuts Energy Packs' and came across a few cashews in them (Kate maybe you should try them, you only get a few cashews in each pack along with sultanas and other nuts - you would have to eat an awful lot of them to come close to your limit) I don't know if I can ever eat cashews again without being reminded of Kate!
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Jan 21, 2007 8:26 am

LOL thats lovely of you simmy :) i dont like dried fruit though :? but id pick out all the cashews haha
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Postby Fairie » Sun Jan 21, 2007 10:38 am

Glad it all worked ok, Lolly.


I was thinking of Kate yesterday when I was enjoying 'Ducks Nuts Energy Packs' and came across a few cashews in them (Kate maybe you should try them, you only get a few cashews in each pack along with sultanas and other nuts - you would have to eat an awful lot of them to come close to your limit) I don't know if I can ever eat cashews again without being reminded of Kate!


uhmm........I have missed something???? :?
-Fay-

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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Jan 21, 2007 10:39 am

Im a cashew "NUT" fay :P
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Postby Ally » Sun Jan 21, 2007 9:53 pm

Oh yeah...you are a NUT alright Kate!!! LOL :P :lol: ( I smile everytime I hear the word duck nuts!!)
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:10 am

theres actually a pub in newcastle nsw called the ducks nuts hehe
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Postby Ally » Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:23 am

hehehehehee :P
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