It is currently Mon Jan 23, 2017 5:30 pm
I love my husband, he saved me from myself and is truly my soulmate BUT recently I have had more contact with Nathans father. His marraige has broken down irretrievably recently and he has turned to me for support - just talking. This man and I have always stayed friends even after he left me for this woman (when I was pregnant with Nathan - was a whole messy sort of story but apologies have been given and accepted and we have moved on).
The problem is, part of me keeps asking "what if?". I know he was my first great love but I know we don't work together - he is a great guy and his happiness is important to me - not only because we are friends but because we share a child. I have discussed this with my hubby - he loves me and is hurt by my questioning heart - which I never intended. I don't think I would ever act on these feelings even if the situation presented itself - I have too much to lose and not enough to gain if you get what I mean.
I am rambling....
He doesn't live in the same town as me but after my discussion with Bob last weekend, I rang his Mum on Thursday only to hear he was coming down this weekend - long time since the last visit - and I wanted to dump everything and race over there I am going to go and see him today - we will take Nathan out for the day together - Bob is away on his bike at the moment and knows I am going - he kissed me goodbye this morning and told me how much he loved me - almost as if he thinks I will go.
I feel like crying because I never should have said anything to Bob, I have hurt my soulmate in a way I didn't believe was possible. I don't think he trusts me with this other man - I trust me as I know it would never work with him - what we shared was very special but it is over now and the past should not be repeated, it would just re-open old wounds and damage our friendship - which is far more important to me.
I am rambling again, just ignore me, I have to write this down as it makes it easier to sort in my head
I was thinking of Kate yesterday when I was enjoying 'Ducks Nuts Energy Packs' and came across a few cashews in them (Kate maybe you should try them, you only get a few cashews in each pack along with sultanas and other nuts - you would have to eat an awful lot of them to come close to your limit) I don't know if I can ever eat cashews again without being reminded of Kate!
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