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Stay at Home vs Working Mum/Dad

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Stay at Home vs Working Mum/Dad

Postby aramat1980 » Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:46 am

I know, I know, the debate of the ages (one of them anyway). I was just wondering which of you are SAHM or SAHD's.
I work as I haven't a choice right now but I would have loved to have stayed home with my children as long as possible. To see them when they come home from school would be wonderful. Then I think of how hard it would be to get back into the workforce. My mum stayed home with us three when we were little and had such a hard time finding work. She didn't get a 'decent' job until she was nearly 50. She is very happy now though, which i am very grateful for. Dad is happy too. But I'm getting off track.
As I said I would love to be at home with my boys but due to splitting up etc etc (long story), I have no choice but to work. I start at 0630 and finish at 1430 so can still pick them up from school!
What is everyone else's feelings? Have I even made sense?
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Mar 23, 2007 9:17 am

LOL yeah i kinda get your drift...

i know what you mean about having to work. we cant really afford extravagent things and it will be a long time before we can ever go away for a holiday or anything like that. we have to discuss money before we make purchases but im happy that we have a roof over our heads and food in our tummies. however heidi is 14 months and sometimes i wish i was still working because i know its going to be so hard getting back into the workforce when i finally do need to go back to work. i will need to update my skills. theres always things to be done around house though so there is always somethign to do but sometimes i wish i had more adult interaction. however working as a preschool teacher i have seen kids being dropped off at 6am and getting picked up at 6pm because both parents have to work to pay mortgages and bills and go away for holidays etc. i always vowed that i would be there to see heidis first steps and comfort her when she gets sick etc etc. we discussed even before i was pregnant that if we ever had children i would stay at home until the kids were at school. i want to have another one before heidi starts school so i can get the babymaking over and done with! *shudder at the labour* but i think there are pro's and con's of both situations
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Postby Sassygirl » Fri Mar 23, 2007 9:51 am

I have to work - no choice in that. But I didn't go back to the workforce until my kids were in school. My hours are 8.30 - 4.30 so I don't get to pick them up from school anymore which sucks. But their grandparents pick them up 2 times a week and the remainder they go to afterschool care.
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Postby Ally » Fri Mar 23, 2007 9:58 am

I speak totally from my point of view......Scott and I made a decision before we were married that I would be a SAHM...which didn't bother me in the least...I have enjoyed every minute of it and have not missed a day of my children's progress or achievements....we know what it is like to struggle to pay bills and yes the allusive holiday is all but a dream for us...but we have a plan which includes me finding work when the twins are in high school (but only in school hours which suits me as I am aiming to become a teacher aide). Scott and I believe that we will have plenty of time to ourselves when the kids are all grown up. I understand the necessity of some people having to work, and therefore understand how hard it must be for people to have to leave their kids.....I am very greatful that although we don't have luxuries and we don't have flash cars or houses or furniture, we have the luxury of seeing our kids flourish and that is the greatest of substitutes for anything material....we know that our time will come, but until then we are happy just plodding along!!
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Postby Dee » Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:03 am

At the moment I'm a SAHM - which surprisingly enough I usually LOVE!! When Dane was 4 months old I had to go back to work - we were saving for a home deposit at the time, but since Lydia was born I've been able to stay home. I'm lucky 'cos I can really see both sides of the argument. It's so important to just do what is right for you. When Dane was little I couldn't handle being at home alone with him - I was going nuts, but with two kids at home, it was great. Admittedly most people I know have more discposable income, (including a couple of people I know who are on the dole, ggrrr) but I really love having the chance to do reading with the classroom and spend some time one on one with Pickle (Lydia).

I too worry about going back into the workforce - I was in admin, so there are kids coming out of high school who type as fast as I do now, and cost a whole lot less to employ. LOL But I'll worry about that when I get there, I guess. For now I'll just try to enjoy every day I get. And the big holidays, new car, and renovations can wait until the kids are older: goodness knows that'll be soon enough.

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Postby Ally » Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:07 am

Yeah there sure are 2 sides to it and I understand both...but what annoys me is when as a SAHM I am judged as being stupid and worthless to society...oh yes this has been said to me....I am very understanding of people in the workforce and I certainly wouldn't judge someone who chooses to work (it doesn't affect me so it is none of my business) but I am annoyed by the growing number of people who think it is ok to deem SAHM's as a wasted passing of your time!!.......ok ok who is in the CC...move over I am coming in :?
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Postby aramat1980 » Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:12 am

Ally, I've had both sides! When I was at home, it was 'when are you going back to work' etc etc. Now that I'm at work (because of circumstances, I have to be there), I get 'who's looking after your kids' etc etc.

You can't win (not that it's about winning).
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Postby Dee » Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:13 am

I think it's been renamed "Dee's House" actually Ally - but I've just boiled the kettle so pop on over. LOL

I know exactly what you mean. I felt SO guilty for not going back to work this year - with Dane at school, but then realised that I was just taking on board all the crap that I had copped from friends who do work. I was so SICK of friends who said - but don't you want to provide for your kids? PROVIDE????? I AM!! I'm providing love, security and my quality time - not to say that working mothers don't provide these things, but I couldn't do both at the same time.

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Postby electrongirl » Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:27 am

Hubby & I plan on trying for a baby next year and I would LOVE to be a stay at home mum but I have no idea how we would do it.

We barely get by on 2 wages as it is. Neither of us have family here so I don't even have a support network when I have a baby.

I wish we were in the US with his family as it would be so much better. But its not that simple, he is in the middle of getting his residency here etc.

I sometimes wish I was born in a different time!!
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Postby yummymummy » Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:15 am

I work, I think each household is different as is each mum -so what works for 1 family doesnt work for another. When my eldest was little I didnt work and my husband worked for what feeled like a 1000 hours a week and never spent time our daughter because he was gone when she got up and getting home seeing her for an hour then they were both in bed 6 days a week, Hubby felt he was spending no time with the baby, I was feeling a little isolated so we sat down spoke about it and we both agreed that it wasnt fair that he didnt get to spend time with her and he wanted a more hands on role in her life and not just be the dad that was never around. Now hubby works a 35 hr week so he picks up the kids from school, does the play group thing sometimes and I work 2-3 shifts a week in a area that I love and we are both happy we both spend plenty of time with our kids and we share all the household chores and we are happy! I think youve got to find a situation that works for your family to make it work
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Postby Ally » Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:27 pm

Yep you sure do Jody!!

I understand where you are coming from Tamara...I think people should just learn to live and let live....I can't stand people that think they have the right to judge you on what you do or don't do!! GRRRR :x

Righto Dee move over love and I;ll have a coffee thanks1!
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Mar 23, 2007 2:49 pm

hey ally i know what you mean about the stereotyping of SAHM being fat, stupid, uneducated and lazy. i was lucky in that i did my HSC and did my diploma in child care before becoming a mum. i think its a bit less scary going into the workforce later down the track knowing i have some sort of education behind me, however as i said, my skills will need updating.


tamara i know what you mean about people hounding you about when you are going back to work. i have complete strangers asking me. i also have people tell me that my mother in law (who works) and my mother (who doesnt work) should be looking after heidi whilst i work. i would never do that! they have raised their kids and are close to retirement- or are retired already. its not fair. i had my daughter its my responsibilty to look after her.
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Postby milkyway » Fri Mar 23, 2007 4:37 pm

My husband and I have discussed this -- he would be a SAHD while I go out and bring in the bacon. I love working and I have the greater income and earning potential of the two of us ... I've practically supported him when we moved back here (Completely understand Nikki about the residency thing. OMG - what a lot of paperwork to have to go thorugh... not once, but TWICE!). Maybe I'll work part-time, say 30 hours and he'll work part time, maybe 10-15 hours per week (he's a Personal Care Attendent at a nursing home).

I have no thoughts either way. I think every circumstance is different for every couple and it's a personal decision. I'd never criticise anyone for working, or for staying at home. My husband can't wait and is often hassling me to have a baby... or maybe he just wants more censored :D
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Mar 23, 2007 4:42 pm

PMSL haha more censored... i don't think they can say no to it can they?

you are right sandra its each couples personal decision its just a shame that theres not a lot of support out there for whichever way families choose to go.
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Postby Justjudy » Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:51 pm

I was a SAHM for 16 years and just loved it. I feel that it is important for littlies to have a parent at home in their early years. Circumstances have forced change in my household, and I decided to study full time from home so that I can still be there for the kids - 3 and 9. I have been fortunate thus far that I have been able to stay home with them, but next year when Alex starts school, and I have finished half my studies, I will have to go to work. If I am lucky I will be able to find work that will be flexible enough to still attend things that the kids have on. That is important to me.
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