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Postby Dee » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:38 pm

Guys I need HELP!

I know that this is not the right forum for this, but I'm hoping some of you super Mums out there will have some advice for me. My son Dane has started school this year, and is generally a pretty good kid. Lately, he has started getting really hyperactive, and often aggressive towards other children - ending up in trouble quite often. How do I stop this behaviour? It's really getting me down - makign me feel like I'm not doing this whole parenting thing right - and I just don't know how to stop this self - destructive behaviour. For the most part, he's not beign too bad, but we're getting these bursts of really terrible behavour - he's throwing things at kids, he's wrestling with them, and he doesn't seem to realise that he's just being too rough.

Any advie would be appreciated. I'm starting to wonder whether I'cve just had blinkers on, not realising that my son is actually one of the mean kids, and now I don't know what to do.
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Postby Mandie » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:42 pm

Oh no!

I'm not a mum... but maybe it's something to do with feeling insecure in his new school environment and stuff like that? Maybe he's not quite sure how to act with the other kids.. or he's finding it a bit difficult to get attention he is used to at home so he is acting out?

Maybe you can sit down and discuss with him his feelings about school - does he like it? does he have friends? what does he think of his teacher, etc

Perhaps also contact the teacher and have a chat to them?

Good luck!
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Postby Dee » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:44 pm

I think you're right Mandie - he's trying so hard to do what he thinks will make everyone else laugh, and he gets too caught up in the moment. I just didn't think he was the kid who would do this stuff. He throws bark at the other kids, he kicks and wrestles... I don't know.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:51 pm

hi there dee

i think its the age! as mandie said - perhaps he is feeling insecure in his new environment. a lot of children dont know the correct way to act because they arent being shown. being told to do this or that doesnt sink in and they need to be physically shown how to do it. like us adults- some learn better by being told whereas others are better at learning more hands on.

did his preschoool do any school readiness to prepare the kids for big school?

being a mum isnt easy dee, kids dont come with instructions manuals you just have to identify what it is that is triggering this behaviour and find a way to make him understand rules and consequences- obviously telling him isnt working :(
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Postby yummymummy » Sun Apr 01, 2007 3:02 pm

well something must be going on for him to go from being a pretty good kid to hyperactive and aggressive, is this behaviour isolated to being just at school or is he like that with everyone?, maybe you need to set up a meeting with the school teacher to get her view on it all if she is witnessing alot of the behaviour. Your local child health nurse can give you a referal to a positive parenting program to help you deal with the behaviour
Man! boys are hard work!!!
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Postby Chelle » Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:41 pm

I have this to look forward to next year, as my oldest is dosen't start till next year. I think it is a new enviroment. My neice started school this year & she has changed completly use to be an angel, very shy, had a lot of problem's & since she has started school she has turned a 180 degrees the attitude has changed, doing thing that she would never do before being a bid drama queen when lisa goes to pick her up from school my sister in law seem's to think it is the new enviroment & the friends that she is hanging around at school. So your not the only one
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Postby Justjudy » Sun Apr 01, 2007 5:20 pm

Dee, the aggressive behaviour and hyperactivity (could it be showing off in front of the other kids?), could possibly be his way of finding his place in the pecking order. Boys tend to "act out" far more than girls, and if they are not finding balance, or order, or if they are unsure or feeling like they don't know where they fit in they tend to use "physical" language more often than not.

My middle child went through a similar thing at one stage - thankfully it didn't last for long. We just went through the "showing off" thing this weekend when his cousin was here (big noting himself, being loud and boistrous, picking on his little brother). He is a very competitive child, and beleive it or not that actually makes it worse, because he feels that he has to be "top dog" in every situation.

Sorry to ramble, but it is such a big subject. Hope that I possibly shed a light somewhere. There were already some great suggestions.

Judy :D
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Postby Lolly » Sun Apr 01, 2007 5:25 pm

Dee, what Judy just said is right - you may find he is just trying to gain attention from the other kids. Perhaps he needs some little chats about the right and wrong kind of attention.

The other thing that struck me when I read your post is that he may be being bullied by a bigger kid and this is the only way he can feel powerful - if this is the situation, the sooner you act upon it the better.
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Postby Dee » Sun Apr 01, 2007 5:42 pm

Thanks guys,

I just had a bit of a talk to him, using the advice you guys had given. Unfortunately it's now school holidays, so we'll have to wait a bit to see if he can make any changes. He really is just trying to show off so that all the other kids think he's cool. Apparently none of the big kids are being mean to him, but quite a few of the kids in his level are. I suspect that they're only being mean to him tho, becuase he is such a boisterous personality and they are a little intimidated. Like me, he'll have to deal with that his whole life... Thinking maybe I need to do some activities to help him with self - confidence. He thinks that the kids will like him more if he can be speedier than them, and he can jump higher than them, etc... it's going to be hard to change that mindset, but we'll see how we go.

Thanks so much for all the advice - it's a horrible feeling when your kids are stepping outside of your reach, and you don't know how to make contact. lol Fingers crossed, and I'll keep you all posted.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:21 pm

dont forget to let us know!! its the same with me- i either fit in or i didnt. i didnt dwell on it as i got older i found people who liked me for me :) he will too. just needs to find his place.

give him lots of praise and encouragement so he knows he is special for the things that make him who he is :)
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