I havent posted for the last few days, I have been all over the place... ok Looooong story sorry
I grew up next to a boy that I just feel in love with at 4 years old. He was my best friend, we grew up together, from playing in the sandpit, to playing basketball and having water fights, to having sleepovers and watching horror movies, to going on dates and eventually at 15, we got together. I absolutely adored him. I can honestly say that even now as an adult, he is the only person I have ever truly loved with all of my heart and soul.. I really thought that he was my soulmate. Anyway, although I felt this way at 15, I broke it off with him even though I loved him so much. I think I was scared of what I was feeling with him, so I broke up with him. I went on the rebound and fell pregnant with my son within a few months (the father of my son has no contact with either my son or me, he was the typical train wreck rebound guy, and was far too immature for being a father) anyway, the guy that I loved must have been so hurt that I was pregnant, although he never told me so. Within a few weeks, he took longer to reply to messages and answer my calls, he got busy, etc. We never officially fell out (having a fight or anything) but we just drifted apart.
When my son was a few months old, I tried to get to know him again. I apologised for my behaviour, he accepted, but the relationship was never the same, it was kind of forced and uncomfortable. We drifted apart again. I have seen him around, every few months or so, but thats it.
I have always had it in the back of my mind that I would lose the weight, feel better about myself, find him and hopefully rekindle something and live happily ever after.... I really thought this was the guy I was going to marry... anyway, I have farted around for the last 5 years with my eating and weight, and waiting until everything was "perfect" in my life before I contact him. I have hidden away and not really lived my life (I have only one good friend who lives interstate, I dont go out much at all, Sahm and I think I have lost myself) My mum told me yesterday that he is expecting his first child. When she said that I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Even now, I have the urge to vomit when I think about it. I cried myself to sleep for the last few nights too...