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He wants another child!!!!

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He wants another child!!!!

Postby tiffanyp » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:54 am

Ok everyone, I havent been around much lately. Been very busy with work, and have completely lost sight of myself!
I am too scared to get on the scales as my pants are tight and I know that I have put on weight.
I have my electric treadmill and am getting on it as much as I can, but alas it is easter and I love my bunnies!

Anyway, my husband wants another baby! OMG!!!
I already have a daughter who is 9 and a little boy who turns 3 at the end of April... I am 38 in December and I feel like I am too old to have a child again!

Is there anyone on this forum who has gone down the path of not only having three children, but who has had a pregnancy when they were 38?

I really dont want to get pregnant over winter as I would be at my fatttest in summer (BLAH) so to get pregnant around new year would be best.... but then I will be definately 38 years old!

My husband is only 34 (I stole him from his cot).... I thought it was a faze he was going through but now he talks to pregnant strangers and expresses his desire for more kids!

I am scared of what might go wrong, what if I end up with a baby that is not 100% healthy, what if I end up with twins!!!

Any advice girls and guys???j
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Postby Mandie » Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:13 pm

It might be a good idea to discuss this with your family doctor. Maybe you and your husband could go in together and discuss it, and you can raise your concerns?

I think it's definitely something you both have to really want - don't do it just because HE wants it, make sure you want it too - it's a lot for your body to go through, not to mention another child at the end of it! You want to be really sure...

In terms of risks - risks are slightly higher of complications as you get older, sure, but 38 isn't "ancient", many women have babies at 38 with no dramas, especially when they have had healthy children previously. Your doctor can explain this to you, but with screening and things during your pregnancy you should be able to have a safe normal pregnancy and delivery at 38.

Best of luck, whatever you decide!
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:41 pm

i agree with everything mandie has said. you need to want the baby too. as you know from having kids already- theyre hard work- especially babies. are you ready for all that again at a later age?i know you hubby is away a lot for work, so is he going to be spending more time at home for the pregnancy and when the baby arrives?

as mandie said, go and speak to your dr, there are risks now that you are older and even if you did start trying it might not happen straight away. i was heavily pregnant in summer and it sucked! i wouldve loved a winter baby to rug up with- heidi hated being wrapped even in muslin!

as for putting on weight im sure you will be fine. step on the scales when you are ready- there is no rush :) keep us posted with what happens :)
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Postby Justjudy » Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:52 pm

Tiffany, I had a baby at 38 and he was my third child. He was not planned, but I really think that he was meant to be here. I did have mixed feelings when I fell pregnant - I cried for a week - I also felt that I was too old to have a baby, and at times felt that I was a grandmother, not a mother - especially at clinic, when there were 18 year olds sitting next to me, and my hair needed a dye job. :lol:

As Mandie and Kate said talk to your gp. Make sure that you are doing this for you, not just your husband, as a child is a lifetime responsibility. At least you will only have about a 4 year gap. There is 6 years between each of mine, and getting up at night is much harder when you haven't had to do it for a looooong time.

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Postby yummymummy » Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:22 pm

Do YOU want to have another baby?? I think you and your husband need to have a talk about what you both want,
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Postby tiffanyp » Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:28 pm

Ok, so I have made an appointment to see my GP. God bless him!

You are all asking me if I WANT another baby. I am in two minds.
I love kids, I have no problems with birth, I just HATE the pregnancy!
I can live with the sleepless nights and the breastfeeding sore cracked nipples etc, but the back pain and the uncomfortable months of being too fat and not having anything decent to wear puts me off!

My career would cope with me having a baby, so I am not concerned with that. My daughter who is 9 would LOVE another baby brother or sister. Financially we can afford it no worries... it is just me being selfish about my body and my needs.

So, there you have it. I will chat to my Doctor next week and see what he suggests!

You know, I am here talking about a decision that may be made for me, I am older, I might not find it as easy to concieve!
Who knows!!
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Postby Dee » Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:34 pm

We're on the opposit e end of the spectrum at the moment - I REALLY want another one; which would be our third, but my hubby doesn't. Unfortunately this means no as far as I'm concerned. Think about the extra burden a third child would place upon your family. Is your car big enough, is your home big enough, do you have enough disposable income to support a third. Do you have the energy for a third child; not just as a baby, but as a toddler, a five year old, a school child, a teenager. If you don't feel that you want to go through all that again, then every time something isn't working for you, you may end up feeling resentful towards your hubby. And that's not helpful in any relationship.

In the end, I have (grudgingly) decided thata s my hubby DOESN'T want another child, I couldn't expect him to raise another. It is a huge thign to ask of another person if they're not willing. Sorry if I haven't helped but these are things you need to consider.
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Postby tiffanyp » Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:42 pm

thanks Dee, I appreciate your honesty.

Yes, we have considered all aspects. It is an issue to go from two to three, but we are not the first to think about going from 2 to 3 kids.
My boss has had five children and a friend of mine has had 10! She had her tenth a few months ago!
Her eldest had a baby when she was seventeen, so now she has two children who were uncles before they were given birth to!

Now, I am not about to start pumping kids out to catch up with her, but I would have a baby if it meant a lot to my husband.
My first child was from a man who walked out on me five weeks before she was born. I raised her on my own for the first four years of her life, with my husband starting to share the responsibility of her from her fourth birthday (her natural father has nothing to do with her physically, financially etc)
Hence, that is why there is such a large gap between the first and second.

He would love to see us have another child. I dont blame him. He is supportive and successful in his field and we would manage all the other issues as they arose as a team and as a family. (albeit he is away a lot fishing!)

My biggest concerns are revolving around my own selfish wants and needs. Is it fair for my family that I put myself first on this topic?
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Apr 02, 2007 5:01 pm

its fine to take yourself into consideration every once in awhile tiffany! you're the complete opposite to me. i love being pregnant, and feeling every kick and watching my body change- its just the labour and first few weeks of having a baby that i didnt like! lol. a few of my friends are up to their second and third children. one is 21 years old and has 4 kids. and i keep getting the question "when are you having another one?" i am buggered with just one!!

let us know how it all goes with the dr etc. bubs are a huge responsibility and i know that if you do have another one you will make it work out :)
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Postby Chelle » Tue Apr 03, 2007 12:19 pm

Speak to your doctor about your concerns, but when it comes down to it is this what you really want, or is your husbands want?
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Postby Leababy4 » Tue Apr 03, 2007 3:26 pm

Hi Tiffany, I had all 4 of our children in my 30's. Our last baby was born in Feb 2006 and I turned 40 in Sep 2006. I had no problems falling pregnant and was perfectly healthy. I did have amnios with the last two, just because of my age. The odds of having a baby with a birth defect do increase as you get older.

My husband was also a fisherman and away a lot. I coped well with that until I had my third baby and I found it difficult to manage at night with a newborn and a 22 month old and a 3.5 year old. But you manage somehow. By the time I had our 4th he had changed jobs and was home at nights - much easier.

But overall, I like being an older mother and I love having 4 kids. We are financially and emotionally secure and did all our travelling and partying in our 20's.
I've got a toyboy too, hubby is 6 years younger.

In the end you'll know what's right for your family. Good luck.

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