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Moving In The Right Direction

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Moving In The Right Direction

Postby Maraver » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:51 am

I was actually lying in bed this morning thinking about a topic I was going to start on this forum and I got out of bed at 4.30am and made myself a 99% fat free hot chocolate and thought I am going to put my story on the forum, so many of you bare your souls and I thought maybe its time I bared mine.
The title of my story is “Moving In The Right Direction” well I think I am now, I think the turning point for me or something that helped me get myself in the right frame of mind was meeting Marcia last week, we shared a lot of stuff and it was good to bring things out in the open, we walked not far but we walked, I had the most comfortable pair of trousers on I could find but being so fat and so short they were too long in the body for me so when we walked my legs rubbed together at the top, two days later I had blisters at the top of my legs which made my life so uncomfortable, I told no one just treated them with savlon and just wallowed in my embarrassment. I have known for years that I am fat and I am weak, I am weak is no so many things so why should I not be weak in my weight loss, I let people walk all over me, my family people at work. But I have come to realize that some where along the line it has to stop, or I will die with this excess weight I am carrying, I hate myself, I hate looking at myself, I hate my husband looking at me, and now this is being really honest……………………I cannot imagine why on earth he would want to have censored with me, who in there right mind would, I am not just fat I am like a beached whale, but I know this wonderful man loves me and will be there for me on this journey.

I have had a lot of tragedy in my life, with children on drugs, heavy drugs and it has been going on for years, maybe 14 years for my eldest daughter she has put me through hell, financially and emotionally, she had a child and she was alone in Melbourne I begged her to come and live with me In Adelaide, she said know I said I would leave Andy we were not married at the time I said I would come to Melbourne and we would find a place together so I could help her with the baby she refused, I bought everything for her as Mum’s do, I just knew she was going to struggle, a normal single parent would never mind one with a history of drugs, she had a beautiful baby boy called Charlie and I stayed with her for a week after he was born, bought her fans and some mod cons for her flat all on my visa card of course, I flew her to Adelaide for a couple of weeks to help her get into some sort of routine, we managed that and the baby was thriving well, but then the phone calls started Mum they have cut off the electricity, so Mum gets it put back on, any Mum would how can you think of them coping with out heat and light, and then it was Mum I need money for milk for Charlie I need money for nappies etc etc etc and it went on and on and on. Easter was coming and she we paid for her to fly over for a couple of weeks, we were on the way to the airport to pick her up when we go the message to say she wasn’t on the flight she could not get to the airport I had even sent the money for a taxi to the airport, I was just gutted and told her so in a letter, I not good at being strong face to face her even on the phone I hate confrontation, I told her that she had to learn to cope, she had a beautiful child and she had to learn to put him first, two days later Charlie was taken from her, and her drug habit had got out of control and she had been neglecting him, this happened four and half years ago and she will never get him back until he is 18 and he will make the choice himself if he wants to contact her.

There is more to this story which I will write later as long as it is not too depressing for everyone but it helps me to get it out of my system, I really did not mean to write so much but once I started it just flowed.

Anyway the point is I now feel as if I am moving in the right direction, On Sunday night I weighed myself before I went to bed I was 110.5 kilos, what a mess I have got my body I had let other people make me a victim of their problems, so I needed to act and now it is Friday morning and last night I weighed myself and I was 109.5 kilos I had lost one whole kilo, I have taken every single piece of food that I eat at work with me, know longer thinking whats for lunch its there I just need to warm it up, even took some nibbles some almonds and apricots, my evening meal I have cut down by 50% and also my wine intact by 50% I only drink one bottle a night ……………..only joking, I have used the treadmill twice and that’s where I sign off now because I am off to walk on my treadmill again before work, thanks for listening and being there
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:00 am

oh pam i just wanted to reach through the monitor and give you a big hug. firstly for someone who says she is weak you have done so well so far. helping your daughter out and also even little things like organising a meet up of forum members. i hope some more people can meet up with you and marcia next time around too.

thank you for sharing your history with your daughter, i can imagine there is more to it and i know i dont mind hearing about it. my eldest sister is 40 this month and she has motor neurones disease, hepatitis and psorosis of the liver. she has been a druggy and alcholic since she was a teenager. she has 5 kids to different fathers and only one of them lives with her- her first son who is 19 and whose dad committed suicide. she has only been given til the end of the year to live. my parents tried so hard to help her out. she isnt my dads real daughter but he met my mum in the 60's when she was a single mum and treated her like his own. my parents paid for rehab, for career courses for her, took her in to their home, took her kids so that docs didnt separate them and put them into foster homes, my second eldest sister had the kids at one stage so they didnt get split up, her current partner physcially abused some of the kids by throwing them down stairs, and burning them with clothes irons. my mum got to the stage a few years ago where she said enough is enough and cut her out of our lives (i was only like 11 at that stage) and it may seem harsh but emotionally and mentally it was better to not get involved with her- she was never going to change. its only recently with her health that we have started to have her in our lives again because she has no one now. her eldest son is also a druggy and alchoholic and recently my sister drove to bathurst (she lives in qld) to get him and bring him up to her place to live so he could join in the army etc and he went off to become a drug dealer after he drank all their wine and port collection.

sorry to ramble on pam but even though every person is different i can understand where you are coming from and i dont think you are a bad person at all. it would be wonderful to have you as a mother.

i am glad that you have taken it on board and starting to do something for you! i know you are not a beached whale! but i know that when you have issues with your weight you certainly feel like that and in your own eyes look that way. after childbirth my body isnt the way id like it to be and its never going to look like i want it to look lol. you know your hubby loves you for you pam :) and looking at how happy your son was in that picture you posted earlier on i can tell you have done a great job as a mum :) he looks fine to me :)

please take care pam and remember we are here not to judge. we have all come clean about things this week and its refreshing to know that we all arent alone in the battle of the bulge. by summer i am sure you will be healthier and happier :)
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Postby sassi » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:26 am


thank you so much for sharing your story with us. i have to say, like kate, that i don't think you're weak at all. in fact you sound like an incredible mum who has been so very strong for her children. I can only imagine how hard a decision it is as to how & whether you help your daughter and where you draw the line.

It sounds like you have taken control in regards to your weight – and congratulations on losing that first kilo! It also sounds like you are doing this for yourself – which is so important. You have chosen to respond so positively to your situation and I think this shows enormous strength of character.

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Postby Ses » Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:31 am

I think most people who read this on the forum will feel the same way - you are an amazing lady!

Thanks for sharing, and (((((HUG))))))
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Postby yummymummy » Fri Jul 06, 2007 12:26 pm

aww sweetie thanks for sharing your story, I hope you are feeling better for getting it of your chest. Your not weak youve just had alot to deal with HUGS!!

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Postby milkyway » Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:27 pm

Hey Pam - you don't strike me, not even for a second as a weak person! I can only imagine the horrors of having to deal with the emotional, financial and physical hardship of dealing with a child with a drug or alcohol addiction. It sounds like you've spent so many years caring for others that you've neglected yourself in the process - so now it's time to focus on you :)

And congrats on the kilo weightloss. Well done.

Big hug xox

PS I still have scars on my inner thighs from a long run I did recently where my thighs rubbed together so badly that I blistered. My first wake up call to weight loss was when we were on holidays in Malaysia about 2 years ago and I had only brought skirts with me because that was all I owned that would fit me. Well, it was so hot and humid... and we walked everywhere and I got blisters the size of fists on my inner thighs... and I had terrible trouble finding pants that would fit me and finally ended up in the mens section of a Levi's store paying for a pair of shorts that fit. I was nearly crying. So I understand your embarassment. It really is a matter of finding the right solution. I now only run with a pair of bike shorts underneath my trackie pants and that seems to have solved that problem.
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
SW: 74.3kg - 1/1/09
CW: 71.1kg - 3/5/09
GW 62kg
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:13 pm

Hi Pam :)

Thanks for sharing that with us all. It definitely proves that you are phenomenally strong :) You have been through so much and you're still positive and smiling in the end :)

Well done for taking all of your food to work, it's just so easy to say "I can't be bothered" and get something naughty when you're at work, but when you're prepared and you know you have yummy food right there waiting for you, it's so much easier to stick to healthy eating!

You're doing so well, and as long as you keep up this attitude you're going to keep doing great and reach your goal weight before you know it :D

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Postby Maraver » Sat Jul 07, 2007 4:49 am

Thanks everyone for your support but I truly don't feel strong, but I do get the drift of what you are all telling me
We do have to deal with what life gives to us we can't always change things for everyone and I am beginning to realize a bit late I know at 53 that its time for me too I deserve a life as well
Hugs to everyone
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Postby Jannie » Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:07 am

Hi Pam,

Thanks for sharing your story. I have grown up children too and it's very hard to see them make mistakes and not be able to make it all right for them. You sound like someone with a great deal of strength.

I am also new to this forum, but this seems a place where you can really share your experiences.

Good luck with your weight loss journey. One kilo might seem a small start, but it is where we all have to start. Take care of yourself. Put yourself first for once.

All the best,

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Postby Ally » Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:15 pm

Hey Pam, thankyou for sharing your story....I know that you don't feel strong, but one day you will see just how strong you are and how much of a dedicated mum you are.....we don't know what life is going to deal to us, but you are right in saying that we must deal with whatever life does throw our have certainly dealt with some tough situations. Our kids will always be our kids no matter what they do (good or bad), but I guess as parents we have to sit back and heartbreakingly at times, watch our kids turn into adults and make some decisions that not only affect them, but the people around them too...they don't realise, they have a selfish outlook on life when drugs are involved, but you never know when your daughters turning point in her life will be and I can guarantee that she will look back and remember that no matter what, mum was there for me. Don't give up hope for her. I am of the belief that it is never to late for anybody as long as they draw breath.

You are an incredible lady Pam, who has had to deal with more things than most of us will ever see. Hang in there hun, take each day as it comes. If you feel that you are letting people walk over you, change it day by day...learn to say no even though it feels like your heart is going to won't. Learn that you need time to be yourself and have time for yourself. These things won't happen in an instant, but remind yourself that you are a beautiful person, and you deserve more...

I struggle with my body and I can't understand why or how Scott could still love me at the weight I am, but he said to me one he doesn't see me as fat! I laughed at him, but he stopped me short and said that I don't see you as fat, I see you as the beautiful woman of my dreams, the woman that I love.......who can argue with that?? YOur hubby would see you differently than you see yourself, you just have to let yourself see what he sees in you!! (I know it is hard)....

If you feel like you need to share more mate, you know that you are welcome to share it with us..... :wink:
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