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Far out

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Far out

Postby Playboy_bunny » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:14 pm

I was at my parent's house for dinner tonight, and went out in the car with my dad to pick up their chinese food. My mum had asked me to get a bag of twisties and a bottle of coke. So, when I came out with them, and got into the car, my dad says to me, Grace, I certainly hope neither of them are for you. I say no, its for mum. He says look grace, no one has the balls to say this to you, so I will cos I dont sugar coat things, but you look really awful. Really bad. I have stood back and watched this go on for months now, and Im not going to anymore. We all know what you do with food, and its this easy- PRACTICE SOME SELF CONTROL. I am not going to allow this to go on any more. I say to him, its not that easy, he says yes it is, JUST STOP EATING. I say Im seeing a specialist for this, he says thats garbage. It comes down to you and self control, and you are the one CHOOSING to eat cake and things... we all know that you eat dinner and then go back to and from the fridge all night, and I am not going to allow it anymore, whatever you have been doing diet wise has not been working and it needs to stop now....he tried to make it sound as though it was for my benefit that he was saying it, but it was so nasty. He made me feel like a piece of sh*t with no self control and like I was a moron who chooses to eat and be like this....I have been crying since I got home and got connor to bed...I want to vomit, thats how I feel...sick to my stomach.....how can you expect the world to see you for you, if the people that are supposed to love you cant even see it? And I wonder why I have low self esteem? Im sorry that so many of my posts have been negative lately ,Ive been having a really rough few weeks from many directions :( Thanks cyber family! xxxx
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Postby MissE » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:20 pm

I'm so sorry. Theres something about our parents generation that doesnt believe in the psychological effects on people, they believe that its all personal choice and that you are just weak. They are totally wrong and its so harsh of him to say that and not listen to you when you try to explain. People like him do more harm than help by making you feel worse when they think are they are trying to help.
Please dont let him make you sick. Just remind yourxzelf that he is wrong, that you are doing what you can and you will do it, but you have to do it your way.
Your post made my heart ache, honey, even though I dont know you. You are trying so hard and while he meant well, he is doing way more damage than good.
Look after yourself and just tell him that you are working on it and you need him to butt out.
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Postby ali » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:29 pm

Oh thats horrible! *Hugs* Im sure he thought he was doing the best thing for you, but he could have been a bit more tactful!

People who have never had weight issues or problems with emotional eating find it hard to understand - they truly do think it is as easy as just not eating that extra piece of cake or that chocolate when you are feeling down, but its not!

Thats why I, and everyone else here, have joined this site, because no one truly understands unless they have experienced it for themselves. I know how hard it is and im proud of you for seeing a professional about this and trying! Its such a hard thing to do! Good for you! *Hugs*

I really hope you feel better soon. Your dad probably thought he was helping... Im sure he didnt mean to make you feel so horrible. Some people often thing that a "shock" tactic will get you moving and realise that you need to lose weight, but it often hinders your progress. Maybe just tell them that you are trying and you would rather their support than their negative comments... I dont know your situation though so Im not sure what will help...

Just know that you should be SO PROUD of yourself for making it this far, for taking those very hard steps towards a new you! Professional help is not stupid, its a very sensible decision you have made. Ive often thought about it but am too embarrassed. So good for you for actually doing something about your weight!

I hope you feel better soon! huge *HUGS*!!!!!!!

P.S sorry for the long post :oops:
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Postby HappyBella55 » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:33 pm

I wish I could give you a big hug.

I get the same thing from my mother. She doesn't understand my depression - she thinks I have the power to snap out of it by just clicking my fingers.

My mother has said the same thing to me what your dad said to you. My heart aches for you and I can certainly relate to what you are saying.

Self love is a hard thing to do but with slow baby steps you will get there.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to say anything more adequate.

Take care chicki
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:48 pm

Oh my gawd, that's harsh!!! :( I'm so sorry you had to hear that from your own father. I know when people do this they think they're doing you a favour, but don't they realise how much it HURTS and doesn't help!? You were aware that you had to do something about your weight and you're trying!!!! There are much nicer ways of saying things.. *hugs tight* hang in there girl!!
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Postby vanessa0305 » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:55 pm

I am so sorry honey, that's just awful. What a harsh thing to say. How on earth does he think that was helping.

My parents and husband did something similar which threw me for a 6. Took me a long time to get over it. But I got MAD!! and it helped me to get through some of the tough times in the beginning.

My dad told me that fat women are sexually unattractive (meaning me) and that he had this conversation with my husband who was agreeing with him at the time and that they were trying to figure out how to put me on a diet without upsetting me. I hated them both for about 3months. I was cut so deep.

Now they are going off about me losing too much weight.
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Postby madeline » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:57 pm

*hugs* ♥♥♥

That's all I can say, I totally understand your pain, one of my grandmothers have made comments to me like "must do exercise" "little bit fat" (in a joking way, but it hurt) and her daughter (my mum) feels the need to constantly tell me how much skinner she was than me at my age (she's quite a bit bigger now), but I mean what are you supposed to say to that.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:32 am

hey gracie
hugs

thats really sad to hear that those things were said to you. dont get me wrong, i can see your dads point of you, he and your fmaily are just concerned for you and obviously dont know a lot about 'dieting' etc but are trying to steer you in the right direction. however in saying that the bloody junk food wasnt even yours to begin with! you are a grown woman and a mother of one. you are seeking help for your problem with food. all you are asking for from your family is a bit of respect for starters and some support and love. to be truthful thats why i came to this forum because yes mick is supportive but when my family found out i was losing weight if i decided not to have potatoes at a family gathering everyone made a big hoo-haa about me making the wrong decisions. or when i reached my goal weight i was told 'watch what you eat' 'dont fall pregnant you will put all the weight back on again' etc etc. you need to come here gracie :) we all love you and understand your problems with food. mick even said to me the other day that as much as he supports me he doesnt understand as he is at the other end of the scale in that he cant put weight on! and thats why i said to him iam just glad to have your support and encouragement and the rest i gain from the forum i am on. keep your chin up gracie and dont let this drag you down. i think it gives you even more of a reason to pull your socks up and keep going because it shows to your family that you are making positive changes and decisions without their advice to 'stop eating'.
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Postby soon2bayummymummy » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:44 am

thats how my family sometimes makes me feel but dont say it, hold ur head up high and let it go, its only what u think thats counts the most, its really bad when people put ya down when your trying to lose weight. grr to them all.
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:54 am

Thanks for the advice everyone! Felt good to get it off my chest.....I am definately using it as motivation now, I want to prove to him (them) that I can lose this weight, and that I can beat this thing! i know you are all right :) Its hard for people who have not had issues with food to understand, but I know we are all in the same boat here :) Thats why I love this forum! Turns your frown upside down ;) hehe thanks again everyone :) xxxxxxxxx
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Postby loveat116 » Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:15 pm

madeline wrote:*hugs* ♥♥♥

That's all I can say, I totally understand your pain, one of my grandmothers have made comments to me like "must do exercise" "little bit fat" (in a joking way, but it hurt) and her daughter (my mum) feels the need to constantly tell me how much skinner she was than me at my age (she's quite a bit bigger now), but I mean what are you supposed to say to that.


My mum is exactly the same! Gah its annoying.

Playboy_Bunny, dont take it to heart, that was really rude, he just assumed you weren't doing anything, which was wrong. That generation are really cynical, I know my parents are like that. You're doing great though, please dont let this affect you!!
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Postby tanya » Mon Sep 17, 2007 3:26 pm

I hope you didn't take what your dad said to much to heart.
When i was about 17 my grandfather told me i was to fat and had to lose some weight. At the time i was severely depressed after losing both parents in under 12 months and i ended up hurting myself because of it. But that day i decided i would never take anything like that to heart again and i would never let anyone hurt me and hurt myself. I also didn't speak to my grandparents for about 3 years but i have decided to let it go now as they are getting so much older and they probably don't even remember it at all. They would have forgotten about by the next day.
Anyway I've rambled on for to long lol.
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Postby Bread-Monster » Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:44 pm

Wow, that's horrible what he said. I'm glad you've taken on a positive attitude about this. You're a strong, beautiful girl and you know it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

My parents use to do that to me as well "You're really bad at this, you're really bad at that, you're so unfit, you're such a bum". HAH! I showed them, and you can too!
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Re: Far out

Postby help6363 » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:21 pm

Playboy_bunny wrote:I was at my parent's house for dinner tonight, and went out in the car with my dad to pick up their chinese food. My mum had asked me to get a bag of twisties and a bottle of coke. So, when I came out with them, and got into the car, my dad says to me, Grace, I certainly hope neither of them are for you. I say no, its for mum. He says look grace, no one has the balls to say this to you, so I will cos I dont sugar coat things, but you look really awful. Really bad. I have stood back and watched this go on for months now, and Im not going to anymore. We all know what you do with food, and its this easy- PRACTICE SOME SELF CONTROL. I am not going to allow this to go on any more. I say to him, its not that easy, he says yes it is, JUST STOP EATING. I say Im seeing a specialist for this, he says thats garbage. It comes down to you and self control, and you are the one CHOOSING to eat cake and things... we all know that you eat dinner and then go back to and from the fridge all night, and I am not going to allow it anymore, whatever you have been doing diet wise has not been working and it needs to stop now....he tried to make it sound as though it was for my benefit that he was saying it, but it was so nasty. He made me feel like a piece of sh*t with no self control and like I was a moron who chooses to eat and be like this....I have been crying since I got home and got connor to bed...I want to vomit, thats how I feel...sick to my stomach.....how can you expect the world to see you for you, if the people that are supposed to love you cant even see it? And I wonder why I have low self esteem? Im sorry that so many of my posts have been negative lately ,Ive been having a really rough few weeks from many directions :( Thanks cyber family! xxxx


BIG HUGS!! :D

I don't know what to say except..........I know it's not worth much but I think you are fantastic JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

Just keep doing what you are doing......... You will reach your goals.

Sorry I am NO help!
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Tue Sep 18, 2007 12:35 pm

Parents sometimes are poo heads. It's that simple. Parents are people and people can be poo heads. Parents = occasional poo heads. That's why those of you on here who are parents sometimes wish you knew how to do it better when your kids in a tantie and you snap. You're human, so are your parents. You can be a poo head parent as can your parents.

Anyway, my parents have been poo heads in the past too. Mum used to tell me I was going to be as big as a house and did and still does sometimes tell me that I shuld go on X Y or Z diet. Dad has a habit of never wanting to admit he is wrong and dismisses others' point of view. I also have that habit which I am trying to change (I can be wrong, and sometimes I have to admit someone is right rather than just say they don't know what they are talking about)

Ok, where was this going? Umm.... Oh, right. Your dad was having a poo head moment. He was probably concerned about you and just doesn't understand the issues you are dealing with so he put on his poo head hat and decided he was the be all and end all of weight loss wisdom. And you can't argue with someone in a poo head hat, so no surprise that got you nowhere. When you finally reach your goal you can calmly tell him that you thank him for his concern but that your achievements were due to you doing what was right for you DESPITE, not because of, what he said to you. don't argue about it, just tell him.
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