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Correct me if im wrong

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Correct me if im wrong

Postby Rustie » Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:33 pm

When i went to pick up my daughter from school another mum who we are all close to had just found out the censored of her baby. Its her 4th and her other 3 are boys... finally she is having a girl!!
Only 6 weeks ago i had a termination because of my previous cervical problems and i didnt seem to have much of a reaction than a smile. The other 2 mums that where there gave her a hug and were all excited but i just stood there.
Does anybody think i was rude for my reaction? She already knows that i had a termination due to no being able to carry it.
And do you think i need to apolagize to her??
I feel really bad but i spose things are still very raw with me being only 6 weeks ago i was having a baby too!! :(
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:04 pm

i have been in the situation before where i was pregnant but we decided not to tell anyone until 14 weeks after my first antenatal appointment. my sister was going through IVF for the umpteenth time and i had to keep it a secret even when she told me that her attempt didnt work. when i eventually told everyone i felt bad telling her especially since she is a midwife but she became a pillar of strength and came to my appointments with me, and even came into the birth with me.

i dont think you need to apologise at all and in a way i dont think your mate needs to apologise for sharing her good news, its just a shame she didnt do it a way where it was comfortable for every one.

chin up mate, things will get better :)
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Re: Correct me if im wrong

Postby help6363 » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:11 pm

Rustie wrote:When i went to pick up my daughter from school another mum who we are all close to had just found out the censored of her baby. Its her 4th and her other 3 are boys... finally she is having a girl!!
Only 6 weeks ago i had a termination because of my previous cervical problems and i didnt seem to have much of a reaction than a smile. The other 2 mums that where there gave her a hug and were all excited but i just stood there.
Does anybody think i was rude for my reaction? She already knows that i had a termination due to no being able to carry it.
And do you think i need to apolagize to her??
I feel really bad but i spose things are still very raw with me being only 6 weeks ago i was having a baby too!! :(


Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It must have been so hard for you....... I just cannot imagine. BIG HUGS!!!

Secondly, I do NOT think you were rude. If you want explain to her why you had that reaction...... with all the excitement, she may have forgotten what you have been through. Just explaining could clear up any potential communication problems.

I DO NOT THINK YOU WERE RUDE...... if I were you I probably would have bursted into tears.......

Hope you are okay! :D

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:05 pm

Im so Sorry for your loss hun

Your reaction wasnt wrong at all, it was honestly how you felt, and you shouldnt feel sorry for that.. Big (((HUGS))) to you love
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Postby Rustie » Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:25 pm

Im genuinely so so very happy for them. Its great news that she is healthy and so is the baby. I just didnt seem to have much of a reaction than a smile and congrats. She is a really nice lady and knows why i had to do it. The other ladies there didnt know i was pregnant.
I will probably go and talk to her tomorrow and give her my best. I know she understands.
Thanks everyone for the support. Losing a baby isnt easy but it was the choice i made for my life and my health. It will be something i live with but im not at all ashamed of telling my story to anyone.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:31 am

you have a great head on your shoulders sam :) all the best :)

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Postby Fireball » Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:22 pm

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. It must be a diffficult decison. I think your plan to mention to it to the other mum is a good idea, just to make sure there is no misunderstanding.

I do think it is good that you can discuss terminating your pregnancy. It is very common but I guess because it is taboo to some, people do not feel free to be open about it. This probably adds to the feeling of guilt and maybe causes some people to become more depressed. Women need to be able to share their experiences so they can support each other.
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Postby Mandie » Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:12 am

I agree - its a difficult situation, and neither of you need to apologise.

If I were you, I would go and talk to her and explain why I wasn't as excited as the other girls - I'm sure she would completely understand and you can congratulate her then.

Best of luck, it must be very hard for you at the moment, I admire you for being so strong!
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Postby Rustie » Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:56 am

I have accepted that I had the termination for my own personal reasons. Its still is weird when I think back to knowing I was having a baby aswell. Next year is gonna be hard. I have a friend due in Jan. The lady from school due in Feb. My best mate due in March and I was due in April. Babies everywhere!!
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Postby help6363 » Thu Sep 20, 2007 5:54 pm

Rustie wrote:I have accepted that I had the termination for my own personal reasons. Its still is weird when I think back to knowing I was having a baby aswell. Next year is gonna be hard. I have a friend due in Jan. The lady from school due in Feb. My best mate due in March and I was due in April. Babies everywhere!!


BIG HUGS!!! :D
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Postby Misstoodles » Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:13 pm

Nah Rustie, you're concern is really nice though, shows you are a caring person, but you don't need to apologise. She knows the deal, and you tried by smiling about it. It's gotta be hard for you and I'm sure she realises this.
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Postby Rustie » Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:01 pm

Yeh i had a talk to her and all is fine. Looks like I was over reacting again.
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Postby KarinAnn » Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:30 pm

I dont' think you were over reacting.. I've been in the same boat a few times. After i had my last Ectopic in Oct i had so many people around me fall pregnant. As much as i tried to feel happy for them i felt it wasn't fair as it wasn't me who was happy about it all. Gosh i remember changing channels from a show because the lady on it found out she was pregnant. Of course all of them have had their babies now. And it's a tough time to go thru. But you shouldn't feel bad for your reaction towards it all. I think the hardest thing after the loss of a baby due to any means is being able to be happy and supportive to people who are expecting. Well done for being strong enough to be able to go talk to her. I know a lot of people who wouldn't have been able to.
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