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Boyfriend Trouble

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Boyfriend Trouble

Postby loveat116 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:18 pm

Problem.

My boyfriend has been getting messages from this girl that he used to be friends with. He has told me that they were MORE than friends in the past, but nothing eventuated.

Its meaningless stuff like "wanna go to the gym today?". But ive only ever seen one message, but she is always on his recent text message thingo, so I know he's talking to her.

I really dont want to say anything to him about it, cause he doesnt want me going through his phone ever cause he wants his 'privacy', but I feel sooooo uncomfortable about this.

Should I be worried? I am a super paranoid person, but it freaks me out when he messages girls and they message him (he probably reguarly texts 2 or 3).

And I am scared he is going and seeing girls behind my back. If you knew my boyfriend you would never think he would do something like that, but my gut instict sometimes tells me that hes cheating on me. And whenever I talk to him about it he goes off cause im 'accusing' him apparantly.

I just love him so much and i hate thinking that he's be doing stuff with anyone, he prob isnt right now but if he keeps talking to this girl something could happen.

Any thoughts?
Starting Weight: 62kg Current Weight: 55.0kg Goal Weight: 54kg

Goal Reached 22 February 2008, Must get down to 54kg again!
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:30 pm

hey ella thats a tough one cos we dont really know your boyfriend and what his normal mannerisms are like. i know that mick has female friends that he catches up with for lunch when he is at work etc but he is always honest about it all. ive been through his phone before and never seen messages but i understand guys have to have female friends as well. for him not wanting you to go through his phone, well whats the big deal? its a phone!

i remember my ex and i decided to break up but still be friends and i ended up going to stay with him in qld one holidays and he kept taking his phone everywhere with him. even into the bathroom when he had a shower and into the toilet. i remember him still going to the gym whilst i visited and that was at 6am and one morning after he had gone i noticed he didnt take his phone and i checked it and it had all these nasty messages on it about me from a workmate he talked about to me sometimes about and from him to her saying he couldnt wait til i had gone so they could be together and that he would meet her at gym etc- plus all these naughty sexy messages. i ended up confronting him about it (cos he would leave me at his place whilst he would go out during my stay there and say there wasnt any room in the car etc) i just asked him if he was seeing her and yes i was hurt because we had broken up and were just 'friends' but we were together for 2 years before that and i knew he still 'liked' me so i was more hurt that i had come all the way up there but he couldnt be honest about the relationship with this woman at work (who was 15 years older than him) he was her toyboy ! i ended up cancelling my trip home for the following week and got a bus home from qld the next day. he reckoned that he was sorry and that i should stay etc but in the end i said i didnt deserve to be treated like that. it was wrong. reading those sms messages was hurtful but it was the best thing that ever happened cos as soon as i stepped on the bus i never looked back. he sent me an sms the next day when i got home and said him and the chick "rhonda" went to noosa to the beach that day and had a great time. what a jerk. i suffered from acute depression for a few months afterwards but ended up getting out and meeting new people- 4 months later i met mick :)

i often think about my ex and what a tool he is. i cant believe i wasted my time.

but thats just my story of when guys are secretive with their phones etc.

what does your heart tell you?
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Postby shelbel » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:32 pm

Hey Ella, i dont know a lot about your situation in particular, but my partner had a lot of female work friends. I found this hard at first and i was jealous, but ive since meet them all and they are lovely girls. Maybe see if there is so way you could meet this girl, see what sort of vibe you get from her? they could be just friends, you never know she could be a top chick and you end up friends! Ive stolen a friend off my partner before! She rings me instead of him now! LOL

Sometimes we girls make more out of things then are really there!
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Postby loveat116 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:38 pm

Well I kinda know her.

And whenever we run into her he gets all weird and awkward, his excuse was because he thought i'd have a problem with it.

It just pisses me off cause he's not honest to me about it, I dont mind him having friends (we went to school together, and it wasnt a problem then), but im just scared somethings gonna happen in the future, and im just gonna end up being hurt and i'll think im stupid cause I knew it was gonna happen.

Apparantly he doesnt want me looking at his phone cause in his family everyone respects everys privacy and stuff. He goes to me his mum doesnt even look in his dads phone, i thought that was bull censored but anyway.

I probably shouldnt get worked up over it.
Starting Weight: 62kg Current Weight: 55.0kg Goal Weight: 54kg

Goal Reached 22 February 2008, Must get down to 54kg again!
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Postby KarinAnn » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:39 pm

I'm a true believer of going with you "Gutt" instint..
the fact you have to go thru his phone to check up on him means you don't fully trust him.. Which is fair considering you have that feeling..

I learnt from my ex to follow gutt instint and glad i did.. He was one of them people that would take his phone to the loo with him or when he had a shower.. Shows there is something to hide.. I found out that there was something or in his case someone to hide..
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Postby loveat116 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:40 pm

Exactly! Why prevent me from looking at his phone if he hasnt got anything to hide!

It makes him look like he's hiding something, and this makes it REALLY hard to trust him, and I dont trust him really.

It makes me mad when Im so open with him about everything in my life and I dont get the same in return.
Starting Weight: 62kg Current Weight: 55.0kg Goal Weight: 54kg

Goal Reached 22 February 2008, Must get down to 54kg again!
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Postby loveat116 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:45 pm

Thanks for the advice everyone!

I think I might give him the benefit of the doubt, the most he would be doing is hanging out with her - which he is allowed to do and i dont mind, out of sight out of mind lol.

I personally think I am an awesome girlfriend hehe :P so if he broke up with me for some other girl its his loss.
Starting Weight: 62kg Current Weight: 55.0kg Goal Weight: 54kg

Goal Reached 22 February 2008, Must get down to 54kg again!
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Postby MissE » Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:05 pm

Personally I dont want anyone looking at my phone either, I dont have anything to hide but its my phone. It would be like reading my mail, or my email...

I'm on the other side, I'm the friend whose g/f gets upset about him messaging. We used to go out and it didnt work but we are the best of friends and I've never met her even though they just got engaged coz she hates the thought of me. Whenever I message she gets all funny and paranoid even though she knows we are still in contact, and there is absolutely nothing going on.
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Postby loveat116 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:11 pm

Yeah but does SHE know that for sure?

Its the uncertainty. I think messaging ex's is off limits, for me it is, my boyfriend would have a heart attack if he saw a message from my ex (my ex lives two doors away too). But thats prob our situation though, and because we are so young, I guess its different when we get older.

I guess people just have different opinions on privacy, my boyfriend doesnt look through my phone cause he trusts me, probably because I am so open with him. Maybe he doesnt want me looking in it cause he knows how paranoid I get about those sort of things?

Lol, this would be SOOOOO much easier if I was easygoing lol.
Starting Weight: 62kg Current Weight: 55.0kg Goal Weight: 54kg

Goal Reached 22 February 2008, Must get down to 54kg again!
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Postby MissE » Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:29 pm

Well all she can do is believe him when he tells her there is nothing going on, coz there isnt. I know thats really hard for some people, and I get that. but theres only so much the other partner can do to reassure them, short of cutting the friend off, and I dont believe in that.
Sorry I'm not more help, I make a rotten g/f coz all my friends are guys, I dont let *anyone* read my email or look at my phone and my attitude is 'well if you dont believe me that its harmless then its your problem' lol. This is why I'm single ;)
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Postby oostevens » Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:46 pm

my husband doesn't like me looking at his phone, and whenever he is doing something on it and i ask him if he got a message or something, he gets mad at me, like 'u don't need to know everything i do'

One day i did check his phone, but i didnt find anything.

I have no problem with him going through my phone, the only guy i message is him :)

I am pretty certain hubby ain't messaging any gal, cos he hates his ex and changed phone plans so she couldn't contact him, there is no chicks at his work, and the only other gal he knows is married to his best mate. I know they use to be close, but not as close any more.

I spose some guys are weird when it comes to privacy! I should use the 'whats urs is mine' line on him HA HA HA

I do remember when i came across a guy i use to like back in the day, and thought about meeting up with him, and i mentioned it to Ryan and he was zealous, but didnt want to state that he was OVERLY zealous.

Maybe he is doing this cos he wants u to be jealous? i know its a wild shot, but who knows, maybe he just wants to feel loved more or some crap lol

But yeah, i over analyse everything myself, so when its nothing, i make a huge mole hill out of it :) Us gals, we think too much.
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Postby madeline » Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:01 pm

Hi Ella,

Personally I wouldn't take that kind of behaviour. It's quite disrespectful to you, and it makes me sick to think about those other girls going "Alex is messaging me even though he has a gf, I must be more fun/sexier etc than her haha".

I guess it comes down to the question: do you regularly message other guys? If not, your boy's behaviour is definitely not on.

P.S. I know when some other guys message me non-stop they want more than just friendship, so I usually respond the next day with one sentence- they usually get the point :wink:
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Postby soon2bayummymummy » Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:45 pm

If my hubby started hiding his phone from me or wouldnt let me read his messages then he would so know it. If he has nothing to hide then there should NEVER be a problem with me reading thru it. If he's is doing something behind your back why would keep the messages MEN! in the end its up to u what u do. Sit him down and ask him if he's doing something behind your back as u deserve to know either way.
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Postby vanessa0305 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:57 pm

I would not have a problem with the hubby looking at my phone and he doesn't have a problem with me looking through his....why would we? I have nothing to hide, no friends he doesn't know about, no conversations that excludes him. Same goes the other way too!!
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Re: Boyfriend Trouble

Postby help6363 » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:05 pm

loveat116 wrote:Problem.

My boyfriend has been getting messages from this girl that he used to be friends with. He has told me that they were MORE than friends in the past, but nothing eventuated.

Its meaningless stuff like "wanna go to the gym today?". But ive only ever seen one message, but she is always on his recent text message thingo, so I know he's talking to her.

I really dont want to say anything to him about it, cause he doesnt want me going through his phone ever cause he wants his 'privacy', but I feel sooooo uncomfortable about this.

Should I be worried? I am a super paranoid person, but it freaks me out when he messages girls and they message him (he probably reguarly texts 2 or 3).

And I am scared he is going and seeing girls behind my back. If you knew my boyfriend you would never think he would do something like that, but my gut instict sometimes tells me that hes cheating on me. And whenever I talk to him about it he goes off cause im 'accusing' him apparantly.

I just love him so much and i hate thinking that he's be doing stuff with anyone, he prob isnt right now but if he keeps talking to this girl something could happen.

Any thoughts?


Hope you are doing ok, gal. :D

You know what? I would have to say that I would trust your first 'gut reaction'.
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