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Dealing With The Past

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Dealing With The Past

Postby Fairie » Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:23 pm

I have finally come to the conclusion that I will not be able to move on and have the life I want till I have dealt with the past.

It was at my mothers funeral a few months ago that I caught up with a couple of cousins that I had not seen for about 10 years. We decided to go out for lunch and catch up on old times and while we were having lunch a comment was made about our Uncle, we all looked at each other and said "not you too". There are 7 girl cousins and it seems that 5 of us were sexually abused by our Uncle when we were kids. It seams that none of us new about the other. After comparing what happened with each other we found out the worst of it was that our Grandmother new and did not do anything to stop her son who was about 25!!!

I can look back on some of our old childhood photo's and see when I started to put on weight. I think this was a defence I was trying to put up. Then I think a comment by my father when I was about 17 just after I was married and had my son made me really put the weight on. I was going out with DH and mum & dad were babysitting and he said that I looked really good and if I wasn't his daughter........I know it was only said as a compliment but I froze and all I could picture was what my Uncle did to me. Since then I have kept the weight on like a barrier.

So for the long post but I know I have to deal with this to be able to loose weight. I think I feel a lot of guilt because I didn't say anything at the time and it keeps going through my mind that I wanted it to happen. I have only ever told my husband and did try to tell my sister but she didn't want to know about it.

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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:31 pm

omg fay i am sorry something like that happened in your family. that is awful and plain wrong. you are right, your weight struggles are due to the fact that its an emotional issue. a lot of people think people with weight problems 'just eat and like food' but its not the case. its a coping mechanism we adopt.

my mums grandfather sexually abused some of mums family members and my oldest sister was sexually abused by my aunties de facto- usually in the company of my second oldest sister. my eldest sister grew up with drinking and drug problems and combined with the abuse (which only she and my second eldest sister know about) and issues with her biological father they think thats where it stems from. she now has hepatitis and motor neurone syndrome and has til the end of the year to live (well thats what we have been told).

it goes to show that when things like this happen in life, people find all different ways to cope with their emotional anguish. thanks so much for sharing that with us fay, it is heartbreaking needless to day, but i know you have it in you to not forgive nor forget but to be the best FAY you can be. are you seeing a counsellor or someone trained in this sort of therapy to help you through it? sing out if you need anything im always around xoxox
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:55 pm

Hi Fay,
thankyou for trusting us with that story. Sexual abuse certainly is a big thing to get over and if you need to go and get counselling to help then do so. Feeling guilt and shame are really common, but it is important to remember that it was not your fault. And unfortunately you aren't alone - sadly demonstrated by your cousins. We're always here to listen to you too if you need to talk or anything.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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