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I'M SO RONREEEEEEY

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I'M SO RONREEEEEEY

Postby oostevens » Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:09 pm

well had a bit of a crappy crap crap night.

Realised again how much i am alone. Although I am married and i love my husband, i miss girl company.

My friends from the past. Where are they? my closest is 4hrs away (she married a farmer), my 2nd closest now ignores me, apparently her husband and herself are more important. My school friends? they are all at uni and busy with no free time. Work mates? will be only work mates. The other close couple that we use to hang with (my hubbys best mate) seem to be too busy with their other friends.

SO where does this leave me? It leaves me, every night, at home, on the comp, chatting to online friends, which seem to be all i have got.

Now that's cool, but real life friends? they are just a tad diff.

I am 22, i never go out, and i have no friends.

Now don't get me wrong, i recon i am a great gal, i am funny, weird, and i have lots of interests, music, sport, movies etc.

So what am i doing wrong? Why don't people want to stick around? and how do i fix this? how do i find people? maybe i should write an ad, lol but then i would look like a hopeless loser :s which i am not.

*sigh*

If only I could go back, and put more effort into my friends. If i was to die, who would be at my funeral? my family...thats about it. How sad!

I am worried my life will pass by and i will miss out on having fun, being young, and friendships that should last forever.

sorry about my complaining lol i guess its my fault i am where i am now, i just dont know how to fix it, i am not the most confident people and i still suffer from low self love.

well....yeah....thats the way the cookie crumbles :p
[*RACHEL*]

YOU CAN DOOO IT!!!!!

[First goal: to reach 80kgs]
[Second goal: to reach 75kgs]

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Postby chubba momma » Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:42 pm

i could have written that almost word for word about my life!

~~hugs~~
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Postby electrongirl » Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:47 pm

I'm in the exact same boat.

I want friends!!!

All mine have either moved away, or just gone off on their ways and just don't contact me anymore....
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Postby HappyBella55 » Sun Sep 23, 2007 12:59 am

Rachel Rachel Rachel.

Yes I agree with you, you are a fab girl and NO you are not at fault for letting friendships lapse. It's a two way thing, and if you're having to put in all the effort that doesn't make it much of a friendship does it.

I know how important it is to get out there and socialise, especially at hour age and have fun and enjoy life...and I totally understand when you say all you do when you get home is sit on your comp and chat to your online friends (hey I'm one of those :P ) lately I have been doing the same thing, if I'm not at uni or working as many hours as I can get.

I've found that a lot of people that I thought were my friends really weren't and were just using me either by wanting me to be their chauffer cos I don't drink that much so I tend to drive everywhere or wanting to borrow money off me or wanting me to do something for them but when I need their help they are no were to be found.

When I cancelled going out last night I found 3 voice mails on my phone asking (more like demanding) me to pick them up and having that stupid girl throw up in my car this evening just made me mad no more. I will meet up with them but I will not go out of my way.

At times its knowing lots of people and calling them 'friends' is just as bad as not having any...you can feel just as lonely because when you need support they aren't there to help.

Rach you are young and getting involved with things you love doing - like your singing or getting involved in a sporting team will find you meeting lots of great people.

Don't panic hun you are still young and you still got plenty to time to still have fun and go wild :P

Pssst haven't you heard 30's is the new 20? So by that standard we're still teens lol.

Cheer up hun we luv ya and think you're an awesome gal :D
Start weight - 77kgs
Goal weight - 53kgs
Current Weight - 50.1kgs


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Postby shelbel » Sun Sep 23, 2007 1:17 am

Hey Rach,
I just wanted to say that i know exactly what you are going through, having found myself here again after i had worked so hard to get where i am. I have a story (of course, doesnt everyone!) But pls bare with me! I moved to Perth some 7 years ago to be with a guy i was with for 7 years, all through most of high school. Of course at 20 you think you will be together forever and that nothing will part you. Well there are things that ppl who love each other can do to make you hate the other person, many things, anyway that is another story! I gave myself 6 months after we broke up for good to make a new life for myself here, or i would go home to victoria with my tail between my legs. Ive made some damn good friends in that time, through an old job, and life and circumstance, but for various reasons, eg children, men, work, the friends i had work so hard to gain have drifted away and just all in the last 6 months too. I have no family here either. Now i find that 2 of my besties are drifting away and MAJOR hassle to do anything with. And my best bud is a mom and has a fella to deal with also and i see her once a week. Now dont get me wrong i love my man to bits, but as you say, its not really enough, i too need girl friends to laugh and chat and shop with. But at 27, how do you do that? Work is not an option as they are all older and mostly men!

So i dont really know what advice i can give you really, but i wanted you to know that you are by no means a loser and i dont doubt for a second about what a great person you are and what you have to offer a friendship. But at the start, when i knew no one here in Perth, i answered a few adds in the local papers, as i didnt know what else to do. i made a couple of great friendships from them, and although im no longer in contact with those ppl, they helped me a lot in my life!! The ppl who put those ads in are ppl in a similar situation to you, or new to town.

Also i came across a web site in my lonely travels, it could help you
If not, no harm done!

http://www.getalife.com.au/

Ive been exploring this site recently, havent done anything about it though!

Rach, we of the online community are real ppl, we are here as your friends and supporters and you never who might rock up next, or who you will meet. And while we cant be here in person, we're always there in spirit, whatever you are going through, you have friends here!
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You'll find me in the almost there section :)
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Sep 23, 2007 9:17 am

its the same for me. being a mum at 22 and all my friends are buying houses and working and have different boyfriends that i cant keep up with their names. i see them around xmas each year to catch up and exchange gifts- they live 10 minutes away LOL. is there a group you can go to? does your church have get togethers? do you have any hobbies which could lead to joining interest groups in your area? its always cool to go out on your own too. i love going out on my own! you meet some great people- even if its just to the movies or shopping. i think in real life you dont want to have every man and his dog as your friend either, only a select group of chums because if you get too many friends then you also end up being the 'listen lady' AKA marge simpson
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Re: I'M SO RONREEEEEEY

Postby madeline » Sun Sep 23, 2007 9:40 am

oostevens wrote:SO where does this leave me? It leaves me, every night, at home, on the comp, chatting to online friends, which seem to be all i have


Hey! :o We're cool :D

Sometimes the fact you have a husband might make single women go, "Oh Rachel doesn't want to hang out with us, she's one of a couple now". If you've watched censored and the city, the singles always feel awkward when invited out to "couple" parties. Also some people might assume you like to bring your partner everywhere, and that might mean missing out of a few girls night invites.

But that aside, people just drift apart. A lot of people, as Bella pointed out, are simply users. I have helped so many "friends" when they were at their lowest, they had no friends, bordering on depression. They were so down, and they would call me and message me all the time, and there would be lengthy discussions on msn. It was all for them. At the end of the day (looking back at it) they weren't really friends because they made no effort to steer the conversation toward me even for a second, so on days when I was upset, they'd still be wanting advice and consolation. I have helped 3 girls this way, and the first... she got a boyfriend, and voila, I haven't heard from her in 3 months. The second girl was exactly the same. And the third, I can see her turning out like the other two, so I had to tell her point blank- I can listen to your problems and be your friend but giving advice whenever you want it is draining me... I will only talk to you when I wasn't doing anything else (I used to drop what I was doing to talk to her), and hey presto, she hasn't spoken to me in 1 week.

That being said I see my real friends a lot, but you have to make a time... like same time every week. We're all so busy, so unless there's an unchanging time, we tend to put off seeing our friends. So Rach, if there's a friend you want to see, make it a regular coffee date, doesn't have to be a weekly thing, even, first saturday of the month, etc might work. You're not doing anything wrong, people are often just busy.
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Postby oostevens » Sun Sep 23, 2007 12:30 pm

ha ha the friend i want to see, lives 4hrs away. I see her maybe once every 4months. And Ryan and I are actually going out to visit her and her husband in October for a weekend, which will be good.

As for the church thing, don't get me wrong, married couples with babies are great, but all we ever get introduced to are those kinds of people.

We are not having kids for a while, we want to focus on music and writing songs and recording, and i dont always want to meet couples, so i am married, does that mean i have to always hang with couples? i hope not lol. I want my own friends.

wow...i just told a friend on msn (the one that kinda ignores me) that 'we need to hang out'

I am gunna abuse people more often this way HA HA HA

I wish i was involved with a group of young adults, but i aint :s

Gunna go to church tonite, lets hope and pray that i meet some people.

Thanks for your help guys and gals :p

I never realised how tough marriage makes keeping friends :p
[*RACHEL*]

YOU CAN DOOO IT!!!!!

[First goal: to reach 80kgs]
[Second goal: to reach 75kgs]

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Postby lng86 » Sun Sep 23, 2007 2:55 pm

I know it is tough...

My closest girlfriend and I meet up every Tuesday night for coffee and a d&m. Nothing disturbs our Tuesday's because it is basically set in stone. It is our alone day... When it's just the two of us. I love it! It's perfect... And I look forward to it each week. You need something similar, Rach.

BUT - I understand exactly what you are going through. My best friend and I (he was a guy) stopped being friends at the beginning of my weight loss journey. He didn't support me at all in my journey to change my life for good... And had a girlfriend that obviously looked at me as competition. It is tough... It is tough when you are SO close to someone... And they change (or aren't as wonderful as you had hoped).

I think that everything happens for a reason. The right people will be put in your life... Just be patient. However - don't be closed off from the world. A friend of my desperately wants a boyfriend - but she never goes out. I don't know how that is supposed to happen!!! Heehee.

In the mean time, we are all here for you - until you replace us with real friends that you can see!!!
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Re: I'M SO RONREEEEEEY

Postby help6363 » Sun Sep 23, 2007 3:30 pm

oostevens wrote:well had a bit of a crappy crap crap night.

Realised again how much i am alone. Although I am married and i love my husband, i miss girl company.

My friends from the past. Where are they? my closest is 4hrs away (she married a farmer), my 2nd closest now ignores me, apparently her husband and herself are more important. My school friends? they are all at uni and busy with no free time. Work mates? will be only work mates. The other close couple that we use to hang with (my hubbys best mate) seem to be too busy with their other friends.

SO where does this leave me? It leaves me, every night, at home, on the comp, chatting to online friends, which seem to be all i have got.

Now that's cool, but real life friends? they are just a tad diff.

I am 22, i never go out, and i have no friends.

Now don't get me wrong, i recon i am a great gal, i am funny, weird, and i have lots of interests, music, sport, movies etc.

So what am i doing wrong? Why don't people want to stick around? and how do i fix this? how do i find people? maybe i should write an ad, lol but then i would look like a hopeless loser :s which i am not.

*sigh*

If only I could go back, and put more effort into my friends. If i was to die, who would be at my funeral? my family...thats about it. How sad!

I am worried my life will pass by and i will miss out on having fun, being young, and friendships that should last forever.

sorry about my complaining lol i guess its my fault i am where i am now, i just dont know how to fix it, i am not the most confident people and i still suffer from low self love.

well....yeah....thats the way the cookie crumbles :p


Hey! :D

I know how you feel....... all my friends are in stable relationships and I am still single. We meet for coffee once a week but it's not the same as it was when we were all single.

I go to the gym by myself now because they are all too busy with their partners.... we used to go together! Ugh!

I don't know if this will help you but I do enrol in courses as well as doing my uni studies. For example, I am doing a cooking course one night a week. I meet people and we catch up and so forth..... All I can say is that you are FANTASTIC but even FANTASTIC people need to create the opportunity to develop new friendships.

BIG HUGS!!!! :D
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sun Sep 23, 2007 4:04 pm

I know exactly how you feel! I once had a best friend who I was SO close to, it was unbelievable how comfortable I was around her and how much I told her. Then last year we stopped being friends (complicated story, will leave it for another day!). Since then I've been totally lost, I have "acquaintances" but not friends. I never go out. Hell, some Sunday afternoons I go out with my PARENTS just to get out and do something. I have no life and I'm 21 years old!
I don't have a boyfriend either. I have no one :D Woohoo!!! I do enjoy my own company and I'm very independent, but it's not right... I miss having that best friend :(
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:23 pm

OMG I could have written that! :shock: Im 22, I have an almost 5 year old son, I am a stay at home mum....all my 'old' friends dumped me when I was pregnant with connor, my 2 best mates live interstate, (one in WA, one in QLD and Im in Melb) and I only ever speak to them maybe once a month now, and its starting to get awkward between us :shock: Im single, have been for nearly 3 years, and other than connor, sometimes I will go for 4 days or so without speaking to another adult...to the point that I will purposely walk to the shop just so I can speak to someone....when connor is in bed in the evenings, I just watch TV, come online, watch a movie or go to bed....I havent had a 'real' friend in YEARS...and I am very lonely too....my mum is my best friend now! I havent been to a shopping center (other than to grocery shop) for years, I havent been to the movies (other than just with connor and I) with friends in over 5 years...I have NEVER been to a night club or to a pub....or parties or anything..... It can get pretty lonely...Im looking forward to next year when connor is at kinder so I can (hopefully) meet some mums...there arent any mums groups around here, bt Ill be moving in a few months, and their are some in that area...and Im trying to find activites through the local library...Its hard, it really is, but I really consider soo many of you guys here to be such great friends to me...I love you all to death and I need to touch base here daily to talk to my buddies :D Kate is right, maybe consider a hobby? Like netball or something? Otherwise, keep coming online here, we love you ;) xx
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Postby electrongirl » Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:48 pm

man I wish you guys lived in Perth!!

I would totally be your friends and hang out and go shopping and stuff!!!

I dont have anyone either......

this sucks
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Sep 23, 2007 6:43 pm

Playboy_bunny wrote: ....my mum is my best friend now! xx


hehe every girl should be best friends with their mums :) even though they can drive you crazy at times :P
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Postby electrongirl » Sun Sep 23, 2007 6:46 pm

my mum lives on the opposite side of the country.....

she would be my besty if she lived here!!
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