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Women's Health

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Women's Health

Postby wilmawalrus » Mon Oct 20, 2008 4:13 pm

I was sent this as an email today, and thought it would be appropriate for in here.
LOL :lol:


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't

waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up

your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can

extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?

Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay

and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass

(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your

recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain .

Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/ fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to

one.. If you have two bodies , your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise programme?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !!! ... Foods are fried these days in

vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting

more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO!!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the

best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

arriving in an attractive and well preserved body,

rather , skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other

- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOW what a


Below is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with

the stresses that build during the day;


1 Grapefruit

1 slice wholemeal toast

1 cup skimmed milk


1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach

1 cup herbal tea

1 biscuit


The rest of the biscuits from the packet

tub of ice cream with chocolate topping


bottles of wine (red or white)

garlic bread




1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)


'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'

Send this to four women and you will lose two kilograms

Finally, here's some advice for you:

the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all

the things you have started.......

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't

finished; so before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a

bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay, a bole of Baileys, a butle

of Kehuha, a pockage of biscuits, the mainder of bot Prozic and Valum

scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a


Yu haf no idr who fuggen gud I fel.

Finished detox but staying on track - and it's paying off!!
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Location: Tempe, NSW

Re: Women's Health

Postby Jisgone » Fri Oct 31, 2008 12:08 am

hahaha i LOVE it
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Re: Women's Health

Postby Carley » Wed Sep 09, 2009 7:38 pm

Goal for 2016:
Current weight: 94 kilos
Starting weight: 102.5 kilos
Goal #1: 92 kilos
Posts: 1335
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:35 pm

Re: Women's Health

Postby Amandy » Sat May 07, 2011 11:50 am

i have to print this off and put it in the kitchen i love it
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Joined: Tue May 03, 2011 10:57 am

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