I was sent this as an email today, and thought it would be appropriate for in here.
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain .
Q: How can I calculate my body/ fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one.. If you have two bodies , your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !!! ... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO!!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving in an attractive and well preserved body,
rather , skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOW what a
Below is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with
the stresses that build during the day;
1 slice wholemeal toast
1 cup skimmed milk
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
The rest of the biscuits from the packet
tub of ice cream with chocolate topping
bottles of wine (red or white)
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'
Send this to four women and you will lose two kilograms
Finally, here's some advice for you:
the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all
the things you have started.......
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't
finished; so before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a
bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay, a bole of Baileys, a butle
of Kehuha, a pockage of biscuits, the mainder of bot Prozic and Valum
scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a
Yu haf no idr who fuggen gud I fel.