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General Jokes

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Postby Dolly » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:28 pm

My New Little Friend

I was feeling a bit lonely and so decided life would be more fun if I
had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted
to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which came in a
little white box to use for his house.

I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I
would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.
So, I asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the
Queen's Head Tavern with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer.

This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him
again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?" But again, there was
no answer from my new friend and pet.

So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
I decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up
against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you
like to go to The Queen's Head Tavern and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the
"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my f***ing shoes on."
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Postby Dolly » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:30 pm

Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6, or 12

A man walks into a chemist with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe censored."

"Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.....
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