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Rude Jokes

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Rude Jokes

Postby Dolly » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:03 pm

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
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Postby Dolly » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:13 pm

An Ugly Woman

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two children.
The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?"
The woman says: "No, he's nine and she's seven.
Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies,
"I just can't believe you got shagged twice."
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Postby Dozzy » Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:53 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
one day at a time..

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Postby SarahC » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:56 pm

Why do farts smell?
So deaf people don't miss out!


A guy goes into a chemist and asks the shop assistant.. "Can I have two condoms, miss?"
"Don't Miss me!" she replies angrily,
"Ok then... make it three" he says

If you can believe my friend told these to my whole family on the weekend.. parents and grandparents :shock:
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Postby SarahC » Tue Dec 12, 2006 7:58 pm

I went to a restaurant the other day, sat down and there was no cutlery on the table. I said to the waitress "Where's my fork'n knife!" :lol: :roll:
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:10 am

lol oh sarah!
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Postby Ally » Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:13 am

hehehehehe they are really funny Sarah!!!!
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Postby Dolly » Mon Jul 30, 2007 12:15 am

Men are like ....


For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage,
WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a
little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ...Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head
right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they
say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to
mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little
while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .. You never know when they're coming, how
many
inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like . Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are
handicapped.
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Postby Ally » Mon Jul 30, 2007 11:07 am

ooohhhh yeah!!!
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Mon Jul 30, 2007 12:44 pm

HAHAHAHAHA PMSL soooo true! :lol:
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Postby Fireball » Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:59 pm

So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tyres!!
So I called him a jerk. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't give a stuff, my car was parked around the corner... :wink:
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Tue Jul 31, 2007 12:28 am

hahahahahahahahaha :lol: sooo funny! haha
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Postby twinkleStar » Tue Jul 31, 2007 5:53 pm

Too Good!!!lol...really change my mood!!!Thanks
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