It is currently Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:16 am

Free Newsletter

Female Bashing Jokes

A place to post jokes and other fun stuff to give us a laugh.

Moderator: Moderators

Female Bashing Jokes

Postby Dolly » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:06 pm

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's censored drive by 90%... wedding cake.
User avatar
Dolly
 
Posts: 3335
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:49 pm
Location: Perth, WA

Postby Dolly » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:09 pm

Salt the eggs!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful .. CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! he said
be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know
how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.
User avatar
Dolly
 
Posts: 3335
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:49 pm
Location: Perth, WA

Postby SarahC » Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:10 am

Image

An actual clothing label :lol:
User avatar
SarahC
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:17 pm
Location: Werribee, VIC, AU

Postby louise » Sun Sep 24, 2006 5:54 pm

they are disgraceful!
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
Image
[/url]
louise
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 8:45 pm

Postby Dolly » Sun Sep 24, 2006 6:04 pm

lol
User avatar
Dolly
 
Posts: 3335
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:49 pm
Location: Perth, WA

Postby chubbybubby » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:36 pm

disgraceful.......but very funny! :lol:
Image
User avatar
chubbybubby
 
Posts: 193
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:52 am
Location: Melb,Australia

How to Tell the censored of a Fly

Postby SarahC » Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:32 pm

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Image
User avatar
SarahC
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:17 pm
Location: Werribee, VIC, AU

Postby KimE » Wed Oct 11, 2006 5:40 pm

:lol:

Nice one Sarah..thanks!
Kim - To thine own self be true
Image
Maintainence since 04/11/06
Preferred Weight - Under 60 kgs
Current Weight - 64.8 kgs
Start Weight - 85 kgs
User avatar
KimE
 
Posts: 4825
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:42 pm
Location: Melbourne

Postby chubbybubby » Wed Oct 11, 2006 7:16 pm

lol good one :lol: xx
Image
User avatar
chubbybubby
 
Posts: 193
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:52 am
Location: Melb,Australia

Postby Ally » Thu Oct 12, 2006 6:09 am

hehehehehehe good one Sarah!!! Never pass up an opportunity to laugh at ones own gender I say!!!!! LOL :lol:
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wGLHYSm/]
Image
[/url]
Ally
 
Posts: 4799
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 11:23 am
Location: Rockhamtpon, Central Queensland!

The Husband Store

Postby SarahC » Fri Oct 27, 2006 9:33 am

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 14,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
User avatar
SarahC
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:17 pm
Location: Werribee, VIC, AU

Postby Ally » Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:03 pm

Oh Sarah THAT is a classic!!!! (and sorry girls, but how true is that!!! LOL) :lol: :lol:
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wGLHYSm/]
Image
[/url]
Ally
 
Posts: 4799
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 11:23 am
Location: Rockhamtpon, Central Queensland!


Return to Just for Fun

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest