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Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

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Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

Postby Fairie » Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:19 pm

Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!


We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"


"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find
the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to
the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about
my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!
-Fay-

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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:21 pm

i think all us women should have cats at home just so they can see that happen hahahhaa sucked in
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Postby KimE » Sat Mar 03, 2007 2:54 pm

LOL :lol: Yep, here kitty, kitty.
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Postby Ally » Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:53 am

Oh that is gold!!!
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Postby Simmy » Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:06 pm

I have to show my bf that - Im sure he can relate to how that guy is feeling. Although he didn't sustain a head injury! He was going to the toilet with the door open - needless to say the kitten came in and saw a 'toy'. I heard him scream from the kitchen. Poor guy was in so much pain but I couldn't do anything but shriek with laughter! He has since learnt to close the door when using the bathroom! :)
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Mar 10, 2007 8:33 pm

hahaha simmy thats a classic- id like to say 'poor guy' but it had taught him a lesson :p
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Postby Ally » Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:55 am

hahahaha Simmy, I would have been the same!!!
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Postby Vegetable » Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:29 pm

Hahahaha Good one! :D
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