An Awesome Divorce Letter . . . . . .
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had
quit your job today, and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You came home and ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching
all your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want to have censored
anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case is, I am gone.
Your EX - Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
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Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It is true that you and I have
been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping.
Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week. The first thing
that came to mind was, "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything,
if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating steak seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them.
I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning -- and your new silk boxers were $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So, when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote,
you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Rich and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born CARL. I hope that's not a problem.