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Does this make sence to anyone?

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Does this make sence to anyone?

Postby Lynda » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:46 pm

I feel grumpy, i feel what the ? I am happy with my life but, i feel depressed that other people are not happy with me.

I don't know if that makes sence but i need people to be happy with me more then me being happy with myself.
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Postby carleyjt » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:58 pm

That make complete sense to me. I felt the same for a long time. One part of my life was telling me im unfit, i should lose weight etc then another part kept telling me i looked great and shouldnt lose any weight as they are easily jealous so i couldnt win. In the end i sat down and thought about what i want and now that is what im doing. Its hard to ignore everyone else but its my life and thats what matters.
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Postby dragonfly » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:21 pm

often I wonder why it is everyone else who has the problem with me beign over weight, but then i think why should I worry about what they think, then i think, maybe its me who just worry's too much about everything, and should just be happy with the me I have now.
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loosing by eating low fat, natural, organic and fresh

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Postby Tas » Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:35 am

Yes I do understand what you are saying and in my humble opinion you have to be happy with your self first. Once you feel happy inside and out then that is what is seen by others.
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Postby Groovychic » Thu Feb 02, 2006 8:49 am

OOOOO Lynda, you are so like me!!! You do your best to do the right thing by everyone and leave yourself to the last! But you have to remember that you can't keep everyone happy! It's easy to say but hard to follow that advice. As I get older(I'm 33 now) I am learning that who gives a crap about keeping other people happy. My family and close friends are the only ones I care about. I can't stand it when someone I know is talking about me because I "may" have done something to upset someone else or more like didn't do what was maybe expected! It's a nightmare if you look too closely at these things. You have to remember that so many people are shallow and petty. As for how people are about your weight loss Carly.....check this one out. I used to work with my mother for about 3 years and everytime I might eat something that was naughty she would say do you really think you need that! And even now she said to me just a month ago well if you cut out the biscuits and junk then you would lose weight just like that. The next day she turns up with a choc licorice log for me! What message is she really giving me! I didn't eat the licorice log!!! I said to her well it was only yesterday you said that I shouldnt eat crap and here you are bringing me this. She said well it's only little. I said it doesn't matter. I am trying to get rid of my sweet cravings.......and it's damn hard!!!! :x And most of my friends and family say to me that I don't need to lose weight either. But I know I am a good 10kgs overweight. I know I look good when I weigh 58 to 60kgs. I know I don't look good at the moment when you get the little fat ripples in your t-shirt cos it is just a wee bit's such a lovely look that!!! I know my pants are uncomfortable and I can't wear half of what I have in my cupboard. Actually speaking of pants, I bought a pair about a month or so b4 chrissy and they were tight when I wore them in early Jan. Like probably looking disgusting but I wore them anyway. I put them on yesterday to go to the school with the kids(couldn't wear the lacky waisted daggy 3/4 pants I wear at home for that, they would have been embarrassed!!!) and they were comfortable!! I was very impressed. Another 2 kgs loss and they will be very comfortable I think. I actually wore them all day they were that comfortable. So even tho the scales only say 1kg I think I have toned up a lot more than that. So after this long winded essay here....I guess the meaning of it would be that you have to do what you want to do for yourself. Make yourself happy. I know it is much easier to make someone else happy rather than yourself but life is too short. Put a smile on your face and say to yourself, I don't care what the other's think, I am doing what I feel is the right thing to do for ME!

Keep Smiling!!!
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:28 am

It's amazing what throwing social caution to the wind will do. I had been through a patch of being depressed that I didn't have a 'boyfriend' and feeling fat and ugly and unattractive. I went out for a friends going away party one night and for once (for some unknown reason) was feeling good and was not incessantly looking for mr right. Surprise surprise, Mr quite possibly very very right picked that night to show up. :?

I've learned from that that what you think has very real impacts on what you can achieve. I was so busy assessing every guy I met for mr right-ability that I wouldn't have been a very attractive proposition, regarless of what i looked like. I think the same goes for anything. If you're constantly worried what others think, people can sense that and might take advantage of it by trying to convince you do do what they want. The obvious problem with that is that different people want different things so you get pulled in multiple directions. Also it means you get your desires overlooked.

The way I go about things, I try to always look to make myself happy, but to not hurt others. So I will say "to be a happier, helthier me, I need to do these things X, Y and Z". If someone doesn't like that, I tell them in a polite way that I am doing this for me. if they have a legitimate concern (eg, scared that I'm leaving them, or forcing my lifestyle on them) I will explain to them that it is important to me for reasons A B and C and listen to and try to address their concerns.

By the way, what people want and what they ask for can be diferent things. Eg, a partner may want reassurance that you will not leave them and still find them attractive, but what they ask for is that you don't lose weight becasue they believe that means you want to leave them. Or a person might want to feel better about themselves so they ask (or sabotage to achieve) you to stay fat and eating unhealthily so that they don't feel that they are being surpassed. Twisted, but it makes sense at the time. You have to figure out what they actually WANT and address that.

Obviously some people are just going to try to sabotage you no matter what, so in that instance I usually try to remember the reasons I am doing whatever it is and continue becasue in the end I can only control me (Always being sure that any negative impact i have on others is lessened as far as possible)

Hope that made sense.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby Hayley » Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:17 pm

It's a horrible feeling isn't it?? We are moving from Exmouth in a week and will be spending 2 weeks in Perth before moving up to Shark Bay (Denham). I have tried everything possible to avoid going to Perth and I suddenly realised why - I am embarrassed to see family and friends because I have put on so much weight in the year that I have been living in Exmouth. I know that I shouldn't worry but I know that my family and friends are so judgemental and always voice their opinions about the way that people look. I am already thinking of ways that I can avoid seeing people for the 2 weeks we'll be there! I don't want to have tea with friends because I feel ashamed with how I look and I don;t want to see family, especially one member inparticular, because she always tries to compete against me and at the moment it has to do with weight loss - she's 40 with a 3.5 year old son; I'm 26 with a 2.5 year old son. I know it's silly but I am very embarrassed and really, really dreading going down to Perth for 2 weeks! :oops: :(
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Postby Groovychic » Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:56 pm

Yeah competitivness(is that a real word???) is a nasty thing! I once had a sister in law(well she still is but we don't speak except I guess when she is yelling swear words at me!!! I never answer back and I certainly wouldn't swear at her) so I say once because I don't claim her as part of the family!!! Anyway if we bought a new tv for instance then they had to go out and buy a bigger and more expensive one! We bought a new(well 2nd hand) car and they had to go out and spend more money than we did. Etc Etc! Anyway she always used to say to me(before the hatred started for her and she spoke to me!) that she would love a pajero. So when I decided that I needed a new car as the one I had seemed to overheat whilst going slow...I was a real estate rep and showed a lot of rural properties so crawling around the paddocks in the car was sort of essential!) we decided it was time to get a new one. I was working and a new car seemed logical cos no mechanic could find out why the secondary fan wouldn't come on, not even mitsubishi specialists. So after looking at 12 month old nissan patrols we ended up getting a brand new pajero. It had more power for pulling the boat and was much more fuel efficient than the nissan anyway, but it struck me at the time that she would be absolutely furious that I have gone out and bought a brand new pajero and that was the car that she so wanted!!! I had a chuckle to myself over that one anyway. The old rubber neck happened when she saw me driving it as well. :lol: So it was sort of a sucked in I got a pajero and you didn't. I do have to stress that really wasn't one of the reasons we bought it, well maybe a small percentage!!!! But the old saying "What goes around, comes around" really is something to remember. Those people that have no morals get theirs in the end!!! It's karma!!! I put up with the verbal abuse from her for years. She is very money orientated. And when my father passed away he left me a nice nest egg and I thought see being a nice person does have its rewards after all. I would love to throw it in her face as she is so greedy with money but it's not something I will do and I will just keep it to myself and partner. Nobody else needs to know. And we can retire comfortably when we are old and grey!!! Well maybe not too old and grey!!! So I guess the moral of this story is to be yourself and don't worry about what other people think. Hayley just ignore her. She obviously is a jealous of you. And that should make you feel great. Let her be jealous. Put that smile on your face and say how happy you are with your life and your little son. That is the way to get those people like that. Your weight is of no concern to them. The only person who should worry about your weight is you. And maybe your hubby is allowed to add his 2 bits worth in every now and then! So chin up girl. Just think how lucky you are to have what you have. And the 2 weeks will be over before you know it.

Keep Smiling!!!
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