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Are you offended by comments about weightloss?

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Are you offended by comments about weightloss?

Postby rivenriver » Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:19 am

Simple enough - do you take offense to comments about your weight loss, or about someone else's? Why/why not?

Personally, I hate that our society is so shallow that the first thing we are expected to say to a person when we haven't seen them in a while is "wow, have you lost weight?" I also hate the idea that that might be the first thing a person notices about me - apparently, it doesn't matter that I've been around the world, danced on stage in Tokyo, dyed my hair and now speak another language. The comment is on my weight, whether I've tried to loose some or not. Even if I have tried to loose some weight, the idea that it matters at all bothers me, particularly when you haven't seen someone in a while. If it comes up in natural conversation, the topic turns to bodies or diets or something, and "oh, btw, you look good, have you lost weight?", well, that's ok. But straight off, "Hi, how are you? Skinnier perhaps?" really really bothers me.

By extension of those beliefs I refuse to comment on other people's weight, unless it comes up. Even if I notice it, I may tell them they look good, they look different, but I refuse to use the word weight.

What about you? Yea/Nay?
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Postby help6363 » Sun Nov 25, 2007 3:01 am

I appericate what you are saying but I am a real show off and I love it when people comment about my weight loss. Yes, I know it's shallow. Hope this does not offend you!

I guess I do agree with you ....... the world is shallow. I would never judge anyone on their weight but I think a lot of people do! answer isn't making sense!

Let's see.......

1. I do like it when people comment on my weight loss because I am a show off

2. I agree people focus too much on weight. I am so guilty of that, I focus too much on MY own weight. I never judge anyone based on their weight.

3. I notice now I have lost weight, I get treated better by the same people who were mean before I lost the weight and that makes me angry! I know they are treating me differently cause of the weight loss cause I have spoken with them about it......that makes me really mad!

4. I know a lot of people that hate comments about their weight loss. One guy I know was really upset that someone made comments about his weight loss in front of strangers. He was upset because if nothing was said they would have just met him and thought that's him, know what I mean? Instead, they had this mental image in their head of him being overweight. It was really hurt about it! I took it as a lesson for MYSELF to be more sensitive towards people's weight loss. I often forget that and I am guilty of focusing on people's weight loss, so it's great that you put up this's a good reminder for me!

My answer is rather long winded and confusing....sorry!

Did you dance on stage in Toyoko? Really? What type of dancing? That sounds like so much FUN!!!!
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Postby Carly » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:38 am


I too appreciate what you are saying but disgaree to an extent on a very personal level.

I have been overweight for a very long time. I have tried so many diets and each and every time I have failed. When I failed, not only was I letting myself down, but I was also letting down those people in my life that had supported me when I told them I was on diet, that gave me encouragement and wanted to see me succeed for my own sanity and more importantly my health. So when I see people I have not seen a while and they comment on my weight, not only do I feel proud of myself for losing so much weight, but I feel good inside for making someone else in my life happy enough that they would mention it, that they would feel inspired to tell me how great I look despite all the failed attempts, despite all the times they had to bite their tongue because I had broken my diet.

I can understand where your frustration comes from though. For me, my whole year has been focused on losing weight. I have been working every waking hour on moving the weight, on finding the person who had been hiding inside for so long, but for you it seems it has been a little different. While I am sure your dedication, focus and committment has been the same as mine in terms of weight loss, you have had other things happening in your life that are important and deserve recognition. I think I would feel that frustration too.

The world is very focused on weight and while this causes you frustration, I believe it to be a positive thing. The world needs to be aware of the issues particularly when it comes to children.

Maybe to relieve some of the frustration you can try to take a different meaning from a comment about your weight loss, maybe you can transform the comment in your head into a positive remark about your lifestyle and health improvements. I don't know. I do appreciate your opinion on this and can really see where you are coming from, but I view it differently.

Interersting topic, thank you :)
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:48 am

hmmm yes society is shallow! I dont really doesnt bother me either way....all that bothers me is when people say 'oh you look so good now' and I think, does that mean I looked BAD before???' :shock: :? xx
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:38 pm

I LOVE people commenting on my weight loss, it gives me a real kick! But I guess everyone is different for sure. Sometimes I don't know how to take it if people make a big deal over it, like they say "omg how much weight have you lost?!?!", I won't say "Oh, a bit over 30 kilo's", I'll just be like "Yeah a fair bit. It was hard work".

What I DO hate is that when people use your weight loss against other people, like yesterday when I went to my grandmas, the last time she saw me I was a good 14kg heavier. She was like "oh Emma, you're so skinny! You look so different, I didn't recognise you!" and then apparently after I left, she was talking to my Mum saying how my 17 yr old cousin Sara had put on weight since being with her boyfriend because he eats a lot of junk food, and so does she when she's with him. And she was saying stuff like "If Emma can do it, so can Sara" and all this stuff.. I totally resent people putting others under pressure to lose weight just because they've seen that I've done it. It makes me really uncomfortable. Sara needs to do it in her own time, and she is a teenage girl for gods sakes, her hormones and body is going mental!!

Anyway, that's my 2 cents :P
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Postby Jisgone » Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:43 pm

i hate that too em!
i was at my grandmas house over easter, and my uncle said 'maybe u could give jess some tips on how to lose some weight' (jess is his daughter and my cousin)
i felt soooo embarassed for her, saying that infront of 15 or so people
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:47 pm

Yeah it's absolutely horrible!!! Don't know what goes through some people's heads at times!!! I feel sorry for my sister because she's a very big lady (not sure how much she weighs but she's a size 26), and although she never says anything, I know she wishes she had the willpower to do what I did. She does have the willpower, but she just has to realise it in her own time :) She'll have her lightbulb moment (I hope!!)
Your poor cousin, that really is humiliating :(
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Postby Jisgone » Sun Nov 25, 2007 3:01 pm

the thing was my cousin used to be skinny, then she got a hormone problem put on a load of weight and probably wont be able to have kids, and shes only 19!
i think he meant well, he just had no tact!
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Postby EvilWombatQueen » Sun Nov 25, 2007 4:55 pm

I'm not too fussed if someone asks if I've lost weight - as long as I've actually lost weight since I last saw them! Recently I've had a few people tell me I look like I've lost weight when I know I'm exactly the same size as when we last caught up. Which makes me wonder if they're just saying it to be nice because they know I'm dieting, or if they simply don't notice or care enough about my weight to keep a consistent mental image what I currently look like (which would be the best thing ever, but if that's the case why comment on my weight loss at all?)

Of course I had a lovely friend put all this in perspective when I saw her for the first time in years and she shrieked out "Dear God you've gained weight!" Nice. I'd much rather get comments about my weight loss than ever hear that again!

I have the problem at the moment where my sister keeps complimenting me on my fitness regime and weight loss. I feel guilty because she's currently gaining a lot of weight, which she is fully aware of and complains about. So what am I supposed to say to respond to her compliments? "Wow, sis you've lost heaps of weight", "Thanks... ummmm... I, err, like the colour of your hair."
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Postby JL77 » Sun Nov 25, 2007 5:03 pm

Yeah I like it when people comment because then it gives me a positive boost and encourages me to keep going. I tend to slack off alot and this keeps me going. I havnt told anyone I am trying to loose weight again so it will be interesting to see if anyone says something.

I prefer people commenting on my loosing weight rather then saying, "oh you have stacked on the beef hey" like they did the other day :shock: rude, rude, rude I thought !!!

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Postby GoddessInside » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:01 pm

Im in two minds ....

I agree with you that society is REALLY shallow. I guess that comes from other forums in our natural daily lives. EG. Media, TV, Magazines, Advertising, Marketing, Hollywood etc.

I mean really, what is normal ? What tool do we use to measure our weightloss ? change in dress size ? There is none ! Do we compare ourselves to Hollywood & Models ... I'd rather be overweight .... Do we compare ourselves in clothes .... too many inconsistencies & discrepancies in sizing.

There is no norm when it comes to weightloss or people commenting on ones journey, as different people have different views, beliefs and notions of what is "normal" & what is healthy.

I have lived with being compared to the superficialities all my life. I remember being bribed when I was in primary school... if you look like so and so from the young talent team, I'll buy you an entire new wardrobe, I'll get you treats, I'll get you whatever you want ... That used to shatter my self esteem, what don't u love or accept me the way I am ?

Even more recently when shopping for a wedding gown, I was even told to get out of a store as they don't cater for women "that big" :shock: Why is it that all the bridal magazines show size 6 models, there's gorgeous, voluptuous brides out there that look 10 times better than those pictured

So what I go by now is my doctor's guidance, measurements and negotiated goals, when assessing what is healthy for me.

Having said all of that .............................................

I love it when someone notices any weight loss. As I have a lot of weight to lose, any small weight loss is not easily noticed. I'd have to lose 10 - 15 + kgs before anything will start to show.

I think we all crave some attention and recognition. Having these comments I know certainly boosts my self esteem and will power to keep on going. I think it's only human.

Gosh, Have I made any sense at all ? :?
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Postby scoots » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:20 pm

hmmm...some interesting comments have been made here. personally i have to say that i do really like to be asked if i have lost weight, if i have actually lost weight. this year for some reason people have been saying to me "oh have you lost weight" when in fact i have put it on, i told one of my friends that no i had actually put on weight and she said that i didn't look like i had, weird!!!

i do have to say though that in the past there has been that little niggling voice in the back of head at times that says "does that mean they think i needed to lose weight??" which i obviously did or i wouldn't have been losing weight but its nice to think that other people don't necessarily see you that way.....

i have to say i definately hate the "oh have you put on weight" type comments, as if we don't know if we have put on weight.... very rude, i have never said that to anyone and never will!!!!
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Postby Misstoodles » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:31 pm

Personally I think it's great if someone comments on my weight loss. Lol, if I were to think 'oh my god, by them saying I've lost weight means they thought I was fat before' is a bit..well.. dur Fred. If I can tell I'm fat then everyone else can too.

It's not that nothing else about me matters to them, its that generally when someone notices a difference, its about someones appearance. Appearance matters ALOT to almost everyone, sometimes when you lose weight and you go without comments for such a long time, you start to wonder if you even look any different to anyone.

The thing that annoys me is if they don't say anything to me, but they'll say 'Megan's lost weight!' behind my back. I'm the one thats worked hard to lose weight, if I'm going to recieve a compliment - at least say it to me. It's like 3 people being in a room, and handing the present to the person next to you to give to your friend.
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Postby rivenriver » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:34 pm

I think when the weightloss in genuine, especially if it's large, then comments are better (though I still dislike it being the first thing said...). But when you haven't really lost anything, you're just wearing nice clothes or something, or even when you're not, and people say stuff, I think that's totally inappropriate.

Yeah, it's different for everyone though. That's why I wanted to know what others thought.
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sun Nov 25, 2007 7:52 pm

Oh wow, Jewles, poor chick :( Hormone probs are never easy to overcome!! Yeah I'm sure he meant well, guys just don't really ever go about it the right way!
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