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How to deal with compliments

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How to deal with compliments

Postby hysterical_oliver » Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:17 pm

I have started to get really sick of people stopping me all day and asking if I've lost weight.

I work in an RSL Club so I see a few hundred people a day who I have seen every week for the past four years. It seems every single one of them feels the need to make comments. I know they are genuine and are only being friendly/nice/encouraging but how many times a day can I say yes I've lost 30kg, no it's not a diet I'm eating healthy and moving my butt, thank you very much????????

I'm not the kind of person who needs/wants to be the centre of attention.

I suppose it is like a I'm being force fed my own "mantra", "I've lost 30kg, I've lost 30kg, I've lost 30kg..."

I don't want to seem ungrateful, I do appreciate people noticing, but it's starting to make me even more self conscious than when I was at 125kg.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? :oops:
14th September 2007 125kg
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Goal Weight 60kg
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Postby Juddy » Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:47 am

I get it a lot too. I often dont know how to respond... I say thank you and that I appreciate them noticing it.

I understand it might be frustrating - but it's much better than being teased... OR having people telling you that you're obsessed about your weight or that you have a problem etc...
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Postby Misstoodles » Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:12 am

NYE one of my brothers friends said he thinks I've lost more weight right infront of everyone. I was so embarressed. I definately saw the compliment in it, but I was mortified when another guy I'm friends with said I looked beautiful straight after the comment >_< It was really lovely of both of them, but I then felt like crap afterwards about my appearance.. I dunno.. I think when appearance isn't on my mind, I feel nice and normal. Then as soon as its pointed out I start becoming really self conscious thinking that everyone really is looking that closely.


The way I deal with it is by thinking that they're noticing IMPROVEMENT. As much as I really hate smiling, blushing and saying thankyou yes I've been losing weight lately, they wouldn't have said anything if I looked the same as usual or worse.

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Postby electrongirl » Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:54 am

I can't wait to get compliments!! I feel people look at me and think horrible things so I would love to have people say positive things about me!!

But thats just me!! I did live with someone for 6 years who was constantly putting me down so it could be from that too.
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Postby rivenriver » Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:14 am

I'm really glad I'm not at that stage yet!!!

I hate it how people do that. And you can't get angry, because they're trying to be nice, but seriously, are people that shallow??? And do they not realise how embarrassing and ANNOYING it is?

I lost a few kg's as an exchange student, and when I came home, that was all anyone said. "Hi Martina! Have you lost weight?" Well, maybe, but it's not like I'm suddenly 60kg, and I've done MUCH more important things that THAT!!!
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Postby Tummygirl » Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:26 am

I cant wait to get the compliments from people that you normally wouldnt get one from.

I always get compliments from my man and family but when you see someone you havent seen in a long time and they notice it puts a smile on my face :lol: Makes me think the hard work is paying off.
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Postby lng86 » Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:05 am

I'm the opposite... I love receiving compliments!

The main reason is that I can't see the changes in myself. I can look at my thigh and notice it's smaller... Or that I need new bras... Or that my bangle that I received for my 21st (I had to oil my hand to put it on... And my hand was really bruised afterwards) now slides on and off very easily. However - I feel EXACTLY the same way. I just don't remember what life was like almost a year ago at 120+kg!

Hearing compliments from people who have no idea about your weight loss efforts is so uplifting. It guarantees (in my mind) that I have come so far. Especially from men - because men are more unlikely to comment about a person's weight.

My bf's comment has had the most impact on me, though. He can't see that I have lost 36.5kg since being with him... He truly believes I have always looked this good. I guess true love really is blind!!!

But - I'm not at my goal yet... So I will never truly believe that I'm looking fantastic until I'm there!
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Postby Tarz » Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:28 am

I've always had it sorta different. I have people say i've lost weight when i have actually put it on and usually its by people i don't see very often like once or twice every 6 months as if people think i am bigger then i actually am. Thats what makes me feels really bad, i am getting a compliment for something i haven't done and should by people who remember me as being worse then i am. I hope that makes sense to you all.
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Postby shelbel » Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:32 pm

Yep i get this too! I see the people i used to work with all the time when they come to work and someone always comments! Even the funeral directors i have just met in the last year have started to comment (these ppl didnt know me at my biggest) Sometimes im saying, yes ive lost 16kgs about 20 times aday! :roll: I even have a pledge with a Funeral Director to lose 5kgs! Im inspiring others LOL

But i have to admit, i do love it when people compliment me and say im looking great, it makes me feel good!
Highest Weight - 93kgs
Current Weight - 68.3kgs
Goal Weight - 65kgs

The wise man Stephen King once said - The only way to go on, is to go on. To say 'i can do this' even when you know you cant

You'll find me in the almost there section :)
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Postby Karnak » Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:24 pm

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received came from Princess Michael of Kent when I was about ten years old (I used to live across the road from her). She patted my arm and said "just smile and say thankyou dear".

It sounds simple but the key is to just shut up afterwards !. People will always say dumb things but the ground will never open up and swallow you no matter how much you want it to so the less said the better generally.

My main grip is people asking me exactly how much I've lost. My usual answer is "heaps" or "a few medium sized toddlers"
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Postby hysterical_oliver » Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:40 pm

lol I love the toddler analogy Karnak!!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts so far, it's great to know I'm not alone in the way I feel :oops:
14th September 2007 125kg
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Goal Weight 60kg
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Postby rivenriver » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:19 pm

Tarz wrote:I've always had it sorta different. I have people say i've lost weight when i have actually put it on and usually its by people i don't see very often like once or twice every 6 months as if people think i am bigger then i actually am. Thats what makes me feels really bad, i am getting a compliment for something i haven't done and should by people who remember me as being worse then i am. I hope that makes sense to you all.


My thought about things like that (I get it too) is less that they remember me as being bigger than I am, and more that people are so shallow that's all they think about. People think that as a big chick I must be constantly trying to loose weight, and so if they wanna say something nice to me, they suggest that I have. People don't understand that you CAN be fat and happy, as I am (just not able to afford big clothes!). They want to be nice, and because our society is so weight obsessed, that's what comes to mind.

It's not you, it's them. Also? They suck!
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Postby hysterical_oliver » Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:01 pm

I've had the same thing too, where people say you've lost weight and you know you've put on weight. But now I'm losing weight for me I don't feel like anyone else should have an opinion, the world has looked down on fattys for too long, feel shame world...feel shame
14th September 2007 125kg
Current Weight 102kg
Goal Weight 60kg
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Postby Fireball » Wed Jan 23, 2008 2:54 am

Oh Oh am I in trouble. If someone I haven't seen for a while looks like they've lost weight I do comment on it. I assume that they have been making an effort to do it and I like to acknowledge their efforts. You mean secretly half of them are happy and half of them are annoyed at me? :? oops. One time some years ago I told a lady who had lost weight that she looked great. And she said, "Thanks I have terminal cancer. But I do feel good. It's nice to have someone treat me like a normal person for a change. Do come over for a visit." What can I say?
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Postby rivenriver » Wed Jan 23, 2008 9:57 am

Fireball wrote:Oh Oh am I in trouble. If someone I haven't seen for a while looks like they've lost weight I do comment on it. I assume that they have been making an effort to do it and I like to acknowledge their efforts. You mean secretly half of them are happy and half of them are annoyed at me? :? oops. One time some years ago I told a lady who had lost weight that she looked great. And she said, "Thanks I have terminal cancer. But I do feel good. It's nice to have someone treat me like a normal person for a change. Do come over for a visit." What can I say?


It really just depends on the person. I deplore any and all comments about my body. But some people love them. Some people are offended, some people are very complimented and grateful. It depends on the person, and it sucks cos you can't tell which way a person will react.
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