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goodbye.....

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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:28 am

HMM,
I've just looked through the recent posts. I can see what might have made you upset, but looking from the outside (having not been invovled and not been around much when you came on so not particularly familiar with your story) I don't think anything that was said was meant in a censored way. Some of the things that were typed may well have been READ that way because of lack of other non verbal cues and maybe even how you were feeling on the day/s you read them, and I'm sure the authors would apolgise for the miscommunication and try to say what they were meaning in a clearer way because I'm sure the intention was not to make you feel bad at all.

If you're intent on leaving though, I wish you all the best. While this site has been fantastic for a number of people (myself included) there is no one size fits all apropach - In that case I hope you find whatever it is out there that is the right approach for you.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Re: goodbye.....

Postby ProudMumOf1 » Thu Feb 14, 2008 10:39 am

I think that with internet forums its good to have a break, i recently took a break from my parenting forum and it made me enjoy it again and have the strength to ignore the narkynes lol. Hopefully some of the regulars will come back after abit:). I would hate it that I will never get the chance to get to know them. If they are reading this, I don't know you yet. BUT all net forums have some form of narkyness please don't let them get the best of you believe me End of last year I had a big row with someone from my regular parenting forum and I did a big goodbye message once I had a break I realised there is no point leaving a place that I enjoy because of a few handful of people. Show them you don't care and come back.
Jennifer (Single Mum) 22

SW - 93kg on 12.01.08
CW - 84.3kg on 29.03.08
GW - 65kg

3rd MINI GOAL - 78kg (15kg lost) = $50 into Clothing Kitty ($150 TTL)
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Feb 14, 2008 10:52 am

Hey there Jennifer,
I'm one of the long term regulars - I've been off the forum for a little while busy with other things, but I'm back on now! Hello! Nice to meet you! :D
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Tummygirl » Thu Feb 14, 2008 11:40 am

All the best...i didnt know you very well but always read what i can of peoples posts. Best of luck :lol:
Cassie xox

Starting Weight 140 kg
Loss To Date 5 kg
Current Weight 135 KG
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby ProudMumOf1 » Thu Feb 14, 2008 1:57 pm

Butterfly_Dawn wrote:Hey there Jennifer,
I'm one of the long term regulars - I've been off the forum for a little while busy with other things, but I'm back on now! Hello! Nice to meet you! :D

:D Hey how are you, thanks for you welcome. It's nice to meet you too. If you like you can PM me. I would love to know where all the (nice, fun) action is :lol:
Jennifer (Single Mum) 22

SW - 93kg on 12.01.08
CW - 84.3kg on 29.03.08
GW - 65kg

3rd MINI GOAL - 78kg (15kg lost) = $50 into Clothing Kitty ($150 TTL)
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Siana-leah » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:19 pm

I have to admit that I dont get around to everybody who is on here...i read the post that may have been the source of this problem...
i think a bit of tough love was tried out on you and perhaps that is not great for a person like you...im sorry to see you go and good luck with
your weightloss.. :)
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Kimmie » Sat Feb 16, 2008 12:30 pm

I'm also very new and ignorant to any politics, but I'm really sorry to hear you're leaving, I wish you all the best however you choose to live your life. :)

If you want to come back after a break, you know we will welcome you! :)
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby JP1 » Sat Feb 16, 2008 2:57 pm

it's really hard though... I mean we all have our different ideas of what works for us and not everyones the same... it's not worth jumping in to tell someone they don't know what to do or try to give them a bit of advice because I'd say it's not always welcome... have seen a few times where some well meaning advice has become a derailed train :wink: - not involving me l might add but just seen it happen on more than one occassion... thats the internet l guess... :|
Highs : 107 Kg (24 Sept 2007) : 113.5 Kg (12 Jan 2014) : 112.5 Kg (26 Jan 2016)
Current :99.2 Kg (31 May 2016)
Lows : 78.4 Kg (20 May 2008) : 87.4 Kg (on 16 Dec in both 2009 & 2010) : 82.9 Kg (14 Apr 2011) : 87.1 Kg (4 Jul 2011) : 90.5 Kg (14 Jul 2014)
Target : 94 Kgs by 15th Jul
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby bferbear » Sat Feb 16, 2008 4:01 pm

Unfortunately when you put yourself in a public arena, you open yourself up to public opinion. Another point is that sometimes a statement is made that implies advice is requested, when what the person really wants is validation and sympathy. It is easy for people to get hurt when this happens.

The other thing to remember is that sometimes people will suggest things that you know in your heart are true, but you don't want to vocalise to yourself. You then get upset with yourself and angry with your situation, but transfer that to the people who you feel are "attacking" you. 99% of the posts on this forum and supportive and non-judgmental but could easily be taken the other way by someone who wanted to see them in that light. The context for the reader is not always the context of the writer.
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Fireball » Sun Feb 17, 2008 1:40 am

That is likely to be a large part of the issue. People don't always want to be given a solution. Iniatially when someone raises a problem, they often want to talk about how it has affected them. They want to be heard, to feel they have support , someone in their corner who is batting for them and cares about them. Sometimes they also want information or direction but often not until the they do feel validated.
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby yoyogirl88 » Sun Feb 17, 2008 10:45 am

Sorry to hear about how you are feeling. *waves*
20 month old twins and a breastfed bubba. Busy mama!
Starting this time at 99.5
Current weight 97.9
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby ForMe » Sun Feb 17, 2008 4:00 pm

I am fairly new here too and have not come across anything that I would say is negative. The opposite is true. I haven't read any of the threads that are spoken of here as being a possible trigger to this person's unrest but but I was very saddened to hear about such a negative experience. Great to get people talking about their experiences though, here and on other forums. Its sometimes hard to accept a stance of "tough love" if that is what this is about, and even harder in the realm of internet connections for all the reasons given previously. Most people would be offended if they feel they are being unfairly judged but I am not making any specific reference to this particular situation as I don't know anything about it. Just making a general observation. So far I have had nothing but a really interesting and motivating and fun times here. When, and if, the time came that I felt the need to raise a difficult topic either about myself or about someone else here then I will try to be as conscious and careful as I would usually be about the sensitivities and independence of people in any realm of life.

Hayles
xx
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Re: goodbye.....

Postby Fiona25 » Sun Feb 17, 2008 9:23 pm

You know i've been tossing up whether or not to reply to this thread since it was posted as I know that I am the negative/unsupportive person being targeted here.

Jez, if you're still reading this you know that I have done nothing but try and help you from day 1 and I 110% stand by the fact that I meant absolutely no mallace, I was just trying to help you. I did try the "tough love" approach with you because I felt from numerous other attempts nothing else was working BUT what I failed to think of was that perhaps you didn't want or need my help or ideas, perhaps you DID just want to vent and then I come on all gun ho and fired up and have upset you.

I'm sorry you took what I was trying to say/do the wrong way because it would never be my intention to hurt, offend or upset someone, especially on a journey such as this one. I appreciate the support I get off this forum and I love to give support and encouragement too, but as I mentioned above it never even crossed my mind that some people don't want advice or judgement, they just want to express themselves. So thankyou guys for bringing up that possibility.

I wish you well in your life and on your journey Jez, i'm sure you will find what is right for you.
Saying goodbye to calorie counting AND scales for a while.

Just enjoying the new and improved healthy me and embracing my new lifestyle!
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