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i can't do it

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i can't do it

Postby zoe » Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:23 pm

I dont know what is wrong with me

I dont have a lot of weight to lose in retrospect yet it has been a year of trying to lose weight and I havent lose a kilo.

I just cant do it.

I just binge eat whenever I feel down and stuff everything up.

Then I have a weekly interview with Sureslim and talk about how I cant do it and try to convince them I can do it and will start the week after then the week comes and I stuff it up.

I have one day on or maybe two then thats it for the rest of the week.

I am so stressed, I feel so disgusting and such a failure. I dont know what to do. Its like no matter what intentions I have things keep occurring which impact me and I have no idea what to do to avoid it.

For instance, I was working somewhere and really enjoying my job except for a person who owned the company was hitting on me then after complaining to HR who told me they couldnt do anything because he was in such a powerful position I eventually got paid out a few months not to take it to court and ended up losing a job I loved and the person who was abusing me did not even get a slap on the wrist.

A few months later I found a great job and thought I really deserved it and felt like things were starting to look up and the company has ended up going close to being in liquidation due to a major loss on the sharemarket and everyone in my team have resigned. I am a personal assistant and have been there for 2 months and the people I support are leaving - last day on 12 March which evidentially is my birthday.

So now I have to go through interviews again, really embarrassed and hoping no one from my old job will find out because I feel like they get the last laugh.

In the meantime I do drama outside of work, have 4 scripts I need to learn this week, one for tomorrow, one for Wednesday, one for Friday and one for Sunday for different auditions and I just cannot learn anything with the stress I am feeling at the moment.

Plus there is nothing in the market for what I want. I need something that offers a life/work balance to go to drama and dance classes, am struggling to find something that pays well that won't undermine me, and a good culture - I am so scared of ending up in a place similar to my old job.

I feel like I am about to have a mental breakdown, tears are always like a second away from surfacing.

I had an interview with a recruitment agency today and she told me I need to be more bubbly and criticized who I am as a person. I am a reserved person, I am very, very good at my job and I am honest. I am not a bubbly person. With my close friends I am, but I find it hard to do it to strangers until I know them. Its like a barrier for me because I have been hurt so many times in my past, I need to get to know someone before I can really open up to them and I dont think it is a bad thing, I like who I am as a person.

I cant take anymore, I cant stop putting on weight, I feel so horrible, I feel like such a failure and dont understand why all this is happening with my working career. I try so hard, I never asked for someone to sexually assault me at work, I didnt ask for it, I asked him to stop, I couldnt handle it and I feel like months later I am still being punished where he didnt even get a slap on the wrist and now since I am looking for work again - he even gets the last laugh.

What is the point.
Have the courage to act on your dreams - leave behind you the internal forces that hold you back.

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Re: i can't do it

Postby Jodie91 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:54 pm

You have alot on your plate at the moment.

First things first I think you really need to get some councilling regarding the sexual assult you suffered. It is a huge deal and is very difficult to cope with so get some help there.

Balancing work and social committments, your drama, is a difficult balancing act and you need to work out what works best for you there. I understand that you dont want to give up your drama for your job and I also understand the need to work. However, maybe you need to decide how much you need to work and if a part time filler job will pay enough for you to concentrate on your drama. Or if your drama needs to take a back seat until you have your career worked out.

Regarding your weight loss you need to make a committment to doing it, it is ok to tall off the wagon sometimes but you need to get back on. If you can stick to your diet for two days then fall off make sure you get back to it the next day.

Honestly though with everything you are going through at the moment I personally think that weight loss is the least important issue and you need to concider your mental health before you concentrate on anything else.
Please Please go and talk to someone about the assult - I beleive there are hotlines you can ring now to talk to someone about this.
Good luck with it all
Cheers
Jodie
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Re: i can't do it

Postby ali76 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:16 pm

Hi Zoe,

I completely agree with Jodie. The actions of your boss are not ok...take it further if you need to..legally, but you need to speak to someone to get over it emotionally.

Also, you need to prioritise your time...to make sure you have YOU time. Weight loss will happen, but you need to look after yourself first. If you need to cut something out to make that time, then thats what you need to do. Does that make sense?

You'll get lots of tips and motivation from people here, but we can't heal you emotionally...i wish we could hun...

Whats the point...?? Life has so many wonderful things in store for you...a soppy saying but life is not about the number of breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away.

You'll get through Zoe...good luck sweetie
xoxoxo
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CW - 68
Happy weight - 68 (I MADE IT!!!)
GW - 65 (for now - and until I conceive!)
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Re: i can't do it

Postby ali76 » Tue Feb 19, 2008 10:18 am

I was thinking about you this morning and have one more piece of advice....if you're saying I can't do it, chances are you won't - you're talking yourself out of it! You need to be saying...sh*t it's hard right now - but I CAN DO IT and I WILL DO IT!

Good luck...hope you have a better day today.
xo
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CW - 68
Happy weight - 68 (I MADE IT!!!)
GW - 65 (for now - and until I conceive!)
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Re: i can't do it

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:11 am

You can do it! You're under a hell of a lot of pressure at the moment which is making it harder, but I know you can get there! If the binge eating is caused by stress can you remove yourself from where the food is when it all feels overwhelming? I imagine it's easiest to learn your lines while you're at home, which makes it harder to go out for a walk. But there are ways to learn scripts while on the move. How about making a voice recording of the dialogue you need to learn, and put it on your MP3 player? That way you can learn your lines while walking or jogging. Exercise can help reduce stress as well, so it might make things a bit easier to cope with.

If you are in control of the shopping eliminate all crap food from the house. If it's not there then it won't be so easy to binge on. Increase your fruit and vegetables. Eating bad food can make your mood spiral down. Adding some extra vitamins and nutrients may help you feel better in general. Also, try and make time to relax every day. Schedule in half an hour for a nice long soak in the tub or meditation. And definitely talk to a counsellor about the sexual harassment you suffered at your old job.

As to the job recruiter's advice to be more bubbly: it depends. If you're desperate for any old job then fine. Suck it up and try it and see if it lands you a job. If you're looking for a job where you're going to be happy, where you'll fit into the team and where you will feel comfortable being yourself then just be yourself! Job interviews in Australia are really like dating. Primarily they're to see if personalities mesh. Just be yourself and you've got more of a chance to find a job you love.

I really wish you luck. You're under a lot of pressure at the moment but you can take control. I hope things work out for you! Please keep us informed of your progress!
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Re: i can't do it

Postby zoe » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:04 pm

Thanks for your advice guys I really appreciate it, I was having a moment and really needed to vent.

I saw a psychologist today and spoke to her about it all and my weight and I think that in terms of weight loss it might be better not to go on a program but just listen to my body and write down what I am eating.

I am just so confused with my diet.

I have tried the Keto system and got really sick on it - gastro, burping up off egg taste - I think it was all the protein
I have tried shakes and felt like I was such a failure I wasnt even allowed to eat food and it was making me tired and unappreciative
I have tried a detox diet with a naturopath and got gastro, went off it and then tried it again and got gastro again so bad I had to get a doctor to come out and give me an injection to stop me from vomiting
Then I started SureSlim and its the protein that is making me feel sick again.

There was a time I was losing weight where i was entering what I was eating on CalorieKing and I found that worked but I was concerned I wasnt eating a balanced diet - I wanted something that would teach me how to eat the right foods and how much of each foods every day - which was why I saw naturopaths and went on Sureslim

I think if I just ignore all the advice I was given and just eat salads and chicken and took note of how much I ate it might be better for my body. Like pretty much having the sureslim diet but instead of eating protein for lunch have just a salad sandwhich for lunch.

Does this sort of thinking help for anyone else?

I am just so overwhelmed with everything at the moment. This week is particularly stressful... with the help of you guys allowing me to vent and people listening to me and my psychologist I hope I can get through this and become more positive.

Thank you everyone.
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Re: i can't do it

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:52 pm

I know what you mean about ignoring the rules and finding a way to eat healthy for your body. Right now I'm finding it helps to think in terms of adding good food to your diet rather than removing bad food. Instead of 'replacing' meals with shakes or 'diet food' I just add stuff that I know is healthy. If you add half a place of veggies and a good amount of lean protein to each meal you find there's not much room for anything high calorie! And snacking on fruit through the day stops me from making bad choices due to being famished near dinner.

Good luck, Zoe. And feel free to vent at any time! That's what we're here for! :D
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Re: i can't do it

Postby wilmawalrus » Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:23 pm

Hi Zoe

I'm sorry you've had such a shocker of a time lately. I also tend to binge eat when I'm down, and it's very hard because it perpetuates how you feel about yourself ie. crappy, and then you keep doing it and keep putting on weight.

I lost weight previously by seeing a lady who was a lifecoach/hypnotherapist because I knew the "how to eat" thing, what I couldn't get past was why I was overeating. I had several sessions with her and it was not cheap, but it really helped me sort my head out. I didn't "diet", just ate sensibly and had a piece of cake if I wanted one occasionally, and I lost about 8 kg over six months.

That was a few years ago. I put a bit back on when I spent a year overseas, and then last year - the year from hell!! I won't bore you with all the details, suffice it to say that two bereavements and the marriage breakdown and subsequent diagnosis of bipolar of a close family member made for an extremely stressful time.

I am now seeing a counsellor to help me work through some of the emotional stuff from last year, but I am NOT beating myself up about how much weight I put on last year, as it was almost inevitable. I am taking action now, and am doing Lite n Easy and exercise, and it's working!

Please be easy on yourself, sort your life out and don't let your current weight, weight gain or your eating cause additional stress in your life. I think your psychologist is on the right track - just take it one step at a time, and you'll definitely get there. Also, try pampering yourself with things other than food, like a bubble bath, manicure or a trip to the movies - getting relaxed and happy is a good place to start from when you're wanting to lose weight.

Good luck :D

Lisa
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Re: i can't do it

Postby Siana-leah » Thu Feb 21, 2008 3:58 pm

Im very sorry to hear that things are not going well for you at the moment....
i agree with everyone's comments...
i think its fantastic that you are seeing someone about all the things that have been happening...
i definitely agree that weighloss looks like the least important issue right now....
we human beings tend to deal with our issues by eating or smoking etc...instead of actually addressing the initial problem....we need to deal
with the issue...and then move on ....cos it is dam hard to concentrate on loosing weight when ur down about something else....
i hope you work everything out... :D
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Re: i can't do it

Postby fitnessbyphone » Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:02 pm

Hi.

i tend to have a binge problem too, especially when a bit down.

That changed when i got a gadget called a "caltrac". A cross between a calorie calculator and pedometer.
it works out your base calorie burn based on age, weight and censored. it calculates how much extra you burn when you walk, move, sit (lol) and exercise - it can be adjusted to suit the type of exercise you do.
but the best part is you can enter calories you eat from foods.
You get a net figure you can check any time of day.

i found the psychological effect of entering the calories from food and junk and then looking at the net figure kept me asking if it was necessary to eat the junk.
Also helps me regulate my portions of good stuff - no second helpings....

Plus the calories burned from movement and exercise is a great motivator - i can work out if i need to take a longer walk around the block, or spend more time on the rowing machine.

Although I use it to count calories in, the best use of the caltrac is the extra calories burned from exercise and movement.
As long as my calorie burn is bigger than calories in, i know i am losing fat, there is no other option.

Hope this helps, and best of luck. i know you will make it.

Cheers
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