Hi Mandy, I hear where you're coming from, it used to be the same for me. The short answer to your question (when will it be easier) is: when you can look in the mirror and love YOU regardless of what your body looks like and realise that even if the people are looking at you and thinking bad things (which 99% of the time they aren't) then that's no reflection on your self worth, only on THEIRS!!!!!
I know it sounds like a pat answer, and your next question will be "but how can I do that when I look like this" and that's a very very very good question, but one that only you can answer.
Maybe you need to sit down and work out all the negative self talk that happens (eg, I suck at exercise, everybody must think I look stupid) and then challenge it with evidence to the contrary or that challenges your assumptions (eg, I don't suck at exercise, I get out when I plan to and do it regardless of how hard it is and how sad I get sometimes, Nobody has ever said to me, 'you are not welcome in this gym' and it is entirely possible these geriatric old men are staring at me because they haven't seen a pair of titties above the floor in 30 years and if they didn't need viagra, would probably be quite embarrassed right now). Write them down if you have to so you can refer to them later.
It is VERY difficult to change thought patterns and behaviour. You may need to get some help to do so - I didn't realise that I had so much self talk until I went to see a counsellor at uni and I was a 3rd year psych student!!!
It may also help to recruit a volunteer friend to go with you or befriend someone there so that you feel a little more attached to the group. Maybe speak with the instructor about it (if they aren;t one of those militant style scary ones) or another instructor you like and they might be able to link you up with someone who they know is a friendly, bubbly, chatterbox who can take you under their wing.
In the mean time, *hugs* and in the cheesy words of my pilates video instructor:
"you're doing great!" "you did something GOOD for you today!"
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!
"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"
"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"