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we arent happy being fat

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we arent happy being fat

Postby grugwashere » Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:33 pm

i attended a party at the start of the year where a woman pulled me asied and said can i ahve a word with you
she then proceeded to tell me thnat its ok to be fat and that i need to be happy the way i am and be proud of being fat.... it thoroughly shocked me that some stranger i had never met before just pulled me aside and gave me some unwanted advice... but anyway i got to thinking about what she said and i thought, its not hard to beome fat all you have to do is overeat and not excercise why is that something to be proud of... she made it seem like it was some tragic disfigurement like an amputation that she had learned to live with.... i guaruntee you she lives by the fat girl code of conduct...

to me people like that who say they are happy to be big just havent accepted the fact of weight loss yet.... congratulations to all you beautiful people for taking action and losing weight whilst gaining back life
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Postby chubbybubby » Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:54 pm

The nerve of some people is unbelievable, isnt it?
I do agree with you in what you are saying, completely. My best friend is a VERY big girl, and extremely short, so her goal weight (healthy weight) is about 48 kgs, and she weighs almost 140 kgs. She eats crap all day, she never exercises, and I know she hates the way she is, she is very negative to everyone, to the world in fact, and since I have lost weight she makes me feel like I should be ASHAMED or embarrassed that I have done so. ( I have lost almost 26kg so far) When I decided to lose the weight, she basically said that I may as well give up because I would fail anyway, and pointed out all the reasons why I shouldnt lose weight (will need to buy a whole new wardrobe, its too expensive when Im a single mum, I hate exercise, I like food too much, etc) It was such a bunch of crap! Even now, when I speak to her, she tries to make me feel bad that "I cant eat THAT" or "haha you're eating fruit and I have maccas mmmmmm its soooo good!"
She really pushes the I AM FAT AND PROUD crap and pushes that being fat is great, and that she is comfortable, and even though she is fat she has a fiancee, and I am getting smaller, but Im still single, so I may as well pack it in now. :roll: I know its not how she really feels about herself, she is just too lazy to lose any weight herself. She makes me feel guilty (actually Ill change that to TRIES to make me feel guilty) for buying a treadmill, and laughs at me when I say I now LOVE to exercise.... She is just a very unhappy overweight person.... You know, now after re reading this, I have to say that she really isnt a very good friend..... But yea, sorry so long, but I do totally agree with you, many many people are in denial.... hey, I was too until December last year! :P
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Postby grugwashere » Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:59 pm

i have a friend who told me if i didn't change my excercises all the time i wouldnt lose weight... but i then realised she was irritated at me losing weight becos we are both big girls and thats just who we are.. but i want to be able to run for the train in the morning and not feel as though i ahve run a marathon...
we are the ones who should be proud.. i am so excited about losing weight o now enojy excercising ( well once i get going that is :oops: lol)
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:02 pm

thanks so much for sharing that :) my jaw almost hit the keyboard whilst reading about the situation you were in.... :shock:
i think that people like that women are just trying to make big people feel better about themselves and i think there is a 'big=proud' motto in our culture. but i know personally that im not proud being big. i am embarrassed. i know that i was unhappy before making this lifestyle change and although i dont want to be stick thin, i do want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

i know i have always defended my chubbyness by saying 'im happy the way i am' or 'there are people out there bigger than me'. i said these things to make myself feel more confident but it didnt really work. :( i remember watching the biggest loser at the beginning of this year and sitting there awestruck at these people and their weights and how 'gross' something looked. but when i look back on it i think i was saying it to make myself feel better. i was totally oblivious to the fact that i was sitting on the lounge with a block or cadbury chocolate whilst drinking a can of coke and watching this show. how embarrassing is that?! how can i sit and judge people to make myself feel better about my weight when i am in the same boat as them?

i am so glad i have made this change for myself and i love this forum because it keeps me on track. :)

sorry for boring you!!! lol
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Postby Garfield » Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:09 pm

^^ Not boring lol.
There is such a thing as accepting your body and feeling proud of yourself anyway, but I could never imagine myself being proud of being unhealthy. When I was overweight I wasn't terribly upset about it most of the time, but when I lost weight I realised how happy it makes me to be more fit and wear cute little clothes and stuff and look in the mirror and say "hello sexy" to myself lol. Perhaps this woman just didn't realise how different her life could be...
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Postby grugwashere » Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:08 pm

it wasn't boring, these cringe stories really make me feel as though i am not the only one(which im not lol) it helps us all think "hey i dont want to be like this anymore" i know it definately motivates me to do more

it was a terrible experience and i left very early and went home after that fat comments came around alot more... i dont know if i noticed it more or if it did really happen more but i am never going ot be happy the way i am even if i had everything else in the world... a healthy body is a top priority
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Postby Mandie » Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:13 pm


I have pretty high self esteem (some say too high!) and great confidence. It's taken me a while to get to this point, and losing a lot of weight a few years ago really helped.

I love my personality, and I love my body because it's mine. I like the way my neck/upper chest looks since I lost weight, I love seeing my collarbone! I like having only one chin (admittedly, at the moment, it's a somewhat fat chin, but it's one chin!).

I am truly happy with myself. I don't feel like I have to hide. I go swimming at the beach with friends, and prance around in my tankini with pride, because I like to have fun and I don't care what anyone thinks. I don't avoid social functions, sporting events, work, family events, etc, because of my weight. I am honestly happy.

..I know that I am at an unhealthy weight. I am at higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, stroke, arthritis, infertility and countless other conditions. I already have borderline high blood pressure, and I'm only 22 years old!

..I know that people sometimes stare, especially when I'm in my bathers. I know that I can't wear miniskirts, or shoestring strap tops. I know that no-one wants to see my belly in a midriff top!

..I'm going to be a doctor. I'm currently in my 5th year of studies and I am constantly seeing/advising patients already. I feel like a hypocrite, advising patients to lose weight when I have yet to do it myself!

So, I'm going to prove that you can be happy with yourself, have high self esteem and confidence, and STILL be realistic. I am going to lose weight, and get myself into the healthy weight range. I'm not doing it to magically make other problems go away, I'm not doing it to find a boyfriend (I want someone who loves me for ME, not my body), I'm not doing it for anyone else, except me.

I love my life, and I want it to continue for a long time!
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:59 pm

I think what we are talking about here is self image and body image. What you will find is that some people equate the two (ie - you can't be a good fat person, or in order to be a good person and a fat person, fat people must be good). It's a very simple form of logic.

What these people are doing is the latter and they are chanting this mantra to themselves (and anyone that will listen) because for some reason or other, (probaby the first example above) they feel down on themselves (self image) and have attributed that to their size (body image).

IF they actually believes fat is good, they wouldn't be anywhere near as keen to spread this to every man and his dog. I believe that people do that when they are insecure about the 'fact' they are preaching (you may disagree, but that's what I think). The reason I think this is becasue it's WHAT I DID!!!!

Only when I had seperated out my self image from my body image did I feel able to do the things required to lose the weight. So rather than thinking "I'm fat, therefore I suck" I thought "I'm an intelligent, caring, incisive, lateral thinking, logical, attentive, happy person and for that I am good. I am also fat, but I can work on that because that does not define me".

So then I could go out an exercise and get puffed because even if all the people in the world were looking at me, it didn't matter because they were only judging my body, not me. I could take control of my eating because I was no longer defined by my body. Etc.

There is also the jealousy issue. Some people just have difficulty dealing with other people's success. I had that trouble when I came across a lovely girl in my honours class, who despite being a fantastic person and we got along really well, made me turn green all the time because she had the nerve to be better at uni than me!!

Basically, just recognise that some people are going to try to undermine you. Learn to spot it, sidestep it, take a runnning kick at it and deposit it cleanly into the rubbish bin across your office, where it belongs. Then do a little dance, put your shirt over your head and run around like a soccer hooligan. Or not.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby KimE » Tue Aug 29, 2006 7:51 am

I like the discussion on self image, body image Tegan. I think that was why I didn't do anything for a long time as I never believed my body image defined me and I have always like who ‘me’ is. The kick in the teeth always came when I saw photos and then I could see my body image and what I perceived others must see. For the most I could still put it away but slowly it ate at me and I found I would get depressed and then that sad feeling about my body remained and stayed under the surface ready to pop out at a moments notice. I didn’t discuss this with others either, my husband knew I wasn’t happy but for the most part it didn’t seem to bother me. Some of my friends were even surprised when I said I had started a weight loss program as they thought my weight didn’t trouble me. Well it did and I am so happy that I am on this path. I have always been a confident and energetic sort of gal and now I am even more so.
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Postby Ally » Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:17 am

I know that I am definately not happy being fat, but it is only I that can make any permanent changes!!

I have a family member like your friend chubbybubby, and it gets extremely annoying when all you hear is "well I wouldn't eat that" or "i love my food too much not to eat...."etc etc. The first time around when I lost 30kg I really let it get to me but it has now made me more determined to lose the 105kg and be proud of my body for the first time.

I am tired of people just thinking of me as the 'fat one' (and the many associated names) I know that I am loving caring compassionate, I have a great sense of humour and I am smart (not overly, mind, just enough to me through!!! LOL) People don't see this, they only see the fat and can't see through their own predjudices to see that I am a real person with thoughts, feelings and a mind of my own. People can be so cruel and it is their shame and hurt that I have unwittingly carried around for years. My husband and I were out walking one day and some idiot drove past and yelled out to him, "how could you put your arm around that fat ugly thing". That hurt, but he was only judging my body, not ME.

I read and re-read what Tegan said about body image and self esteem and a few things clicked into place. I have been confusing the two for years. For ages I have endured the, "how can you be so happy/confident etc when you are soooooo fat" comments. Knowing the difference between the 2 I can now give them an honest answer!! I know that I have a high self-esteem/self worth even though my body image doesn't match ( but it will soon :wink: )

Tegan's quote: Only when I had seperated out my self image from my body image did I feel able to do the things required to lose the weight. So rather than thinking "I'm fat, therefore I suck" I thought "I'm an intelligent, caring, incisive, lateral thinking, logical, attentive, happy person and for that I am good. I am also fat, but I can work on that because that does not define me".

This really made me realise that I am the same. I never have been happy to be fat and certainly never advertised the fact, but I lacked the balls to get off my fat backside and DO something permanently about it, I confused the two images and just thought that I really wasn't worth time and effort being put into ME. Now I know that I am worth a healthy body to live longer for my kids and hubbie and I am worth a damn site more than anything I shovel into my body!! The world will only accept me for who I really am when I have lost weight and become 'acceptable' to them, but I know that I am worth it NOW and as such it has given me a stepping stone to focus on the long road ahead, knowing that I will make it!!

When I lost weight before it was under the guise of "becoming a better person" and I would deny myself things until I "had lost all the weight". My hubbie would say that I should buy myself some nice clothes or jewellery etc and I would deny it and say when I am smaller. Hello?? what was i thinking?? I had lost weight and was still denying myself and felt I had to keep punishing myself until I was thin!! I definately will be rewarding myself this time around as I deserve it!! Losing weight is not going to change me into a better person (I am that now) it is only going to make me a fitter and healthier person.

Thanks Tegan for helping me to define the difference between the two!!

Sorry for rambling, but I feel like an elephant has been lifted high off my shoulders!!! :wink: [/quote]
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Postby Leishkin » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:13 am

That's great to hear, Ally :)

I too have felt judged by my appearance in the past, and often I think it's probably more in my head than anything. I feel like people are watching me when I eat any fast food, even if I go for the healthier option, and I often wonder if the kids laughing are doing so at me....

my partner's great uncle has thrice insulted me about my weight, directly to my face - he's old, doddering, and has never been married, so they can justify that he 'doesn't understand women' til the cows come home - but that doesn't make the things he's said to me any less painful or amazingly rude:

no.1 - "you can sit there, that chair's the strongest ",
no.2 - my partner tells him that the t-shirt he's wearing was mine, but i gave it to him because I never wore it - he looks at him, back at me, and then says "geez, that must've been a long time ago".
no.3 - we pick him up with my partner's sister and brother-in-law to take him to lunch - he gets out of the car, looks from me to the sister, and says to her "don't you put on as much weight as she has!!"

It still riles me that anyone could be that horribly inconsiderate and ignorant to this day - but the thing is, People are often hurtful, mainly and for some *odd* reason, they're people who've never dealt with being overweight, don't know what it's like, don't know how hard it is to lose that weight again. I can see the difference now. They're not doing it because of me, they're doing it because they're insecure. Because they're such bad people that the only thing they have to do is make others miserable. Those people are ignorant. if they can't see past your appearance, they don't deserve your friendship. end of story.

I'm fat, I'm not proud of my weight, and I certainly don't flaunt it, but I do feel comfortable in my skin because I know I'm a good person. I know I can still be sexy, and feel sexy, because someone else thinks that I am, and that makes me believe it.

Never give up on yourself. Don't punish yourself for HAVING to break free once in a while and eat that slice of pizza, and definately don't pay attention to the cruel and pathetic things people say to you about your weight. I know it's hard (trust me, those words still anger me, not to mention a little brat that used to torment me in high school).

Think of the bad kharma for them, and imagine when those burgers they can eat by the ton finally catch up to them and they're old and fat and yourself still feeling young and fit in your 80's, and then we'll see who's laughing!
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