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non weight related, but I need someone to talk to

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non weight related, but I need someone to talk to

Postby chubbybubby » Fri Sep 01, 2006 8:47 pm

Hey everyone, I hope you dont mind me posting something that isnt weight related, but I really needed to get this out to someone.
Ok, well I had my son when I was 15 (Im now 20) and met another young mum, with a bub same age as my little one was. We were good friends, both single stay at home mums, and had a lot in common. We ended up having a pretty nasty fight when our kids were 1 1/2 and havent seen or spoken to eachother since.
A mutual friend had a phone call from her today, and in conversation, told me that she is now engaged, living with her boyfriend, pregnant with her next baby, and has a qualification from tafe.
It really made me look at where I am 3 years later. Not much has changed. I am still a stay at home mum (although beginning a course next year in Nutrition) Im still single ( bfs have come and gone, but no one special) and although I know I have grown, and changed as a person, I devote my life to my child, and managed to come this far in my weight loss journey, I feel kind of inferior. God, I dont know if its just jealousy. Ugh, thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I feel a little better already xx
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Postby Dolly » Fri Sep 01, 2006 8:56 pm

Hi Chubbybubby, you have accomplished a lot more than your ex friend with her tafe qualification, you're on a battle to reclaim your health, you're a fantastic mum, and you're a very important person to our forum giving us incredible moral support and now you tell us you're even doing a nutrition course next year, WOW!
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:04 am

hi chubbybubby

i also had a close friend who wa slike a sister to me, and then we had a fight and she moved itnerstate and i havent seen her again, but i often hear how she is now engaged and pregnant with her first child and all this other news and i wish i could be apart of it. especially since im engaged and have a daughter now and i dont know if she knows all the fantastic things ive done. there was also a girl i went to school with who completed her child care traineeship at an excellent centre here on the central coast and has gone to the uk to be a nanny- whcih was one of my dreams. i have the qualifications but have gone down a different path in life and have a wonderful family around me. i am on maternity leave at the moment from my job and have decided that i am not going back that i am going to be a sahm until heidi is 2 then i will venture out into the workforce again. i realised that i dont want to miss out on all heidis milestones and dont want other people raising my daughter. as a mum, you would know that time just goes too quickly. as i look at these other peoples lives and achievements and wish in some way it was incorporated in my life i sit back and think how lucky i am to have what i have now. i really enjoy being at home with heidi and being a 'house wife'. next year you are going to embark on another path of your life with your nutrition course which is wonderful. just because your former friend has a partner now it doesnt mean that you are any less of a person because you are a single mum. in fact i praise you for the wonderful work you do, i cant even imagine how hard it must be to raise a child on your own. but you have and you are doing a dinkum job! keep your chin up for the person YOU ARE you stil have a lot of living to do yet!!

take care of yourself and your little one!!
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Postby KimE » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:09 am

I agree with Dolly chubbybubby you have achieved a lot. I don't know about anyone else but this weight loss business actually takes a lot of energy for me to keep at it, keep motivated, keep strong and ensure my plans are reviewed and in place. On top of that you are raising a child and have made plans for the future in doing the nutrition course. I agree I feel there is a bit of jealousy creeping in here but take time to really look at what you have done and devoting your life to your child is no small thing. I know it's hard but try not to measure you worth and life against others, we all have our own paths to walk and none of them are small. You are NOT inferior in any way, shape or form.
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Postby Ally » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:24 am

Mate be happy with who you are. I know that it is hard, but don't model your life on the basis of others. Motherhood is extremely important and I sometimes feel that some (not all) career people view SAHM's as inferior to society because we don't "work". This makes my blood boil as I have been at home with my children from the time that I have had my first child, and I am no certainly not stupid. My husbands boss has told him that I am wasted being at home and that I should be out working (thanks for the compliment boss man, but my job at home is more important to me at the moment!!). Whether you are a single mum or married, your job is important.....we are raising the next generation!

Fights with friends can often be hard (i have just recently parted ways with my close friend) but don't wish your life away because her life seems so much more interesting than yours. The grass often looks greener on the other side, but quite often......it is just as brown on their side once you are there.

Please just don't assume that she has the perfect life, because she has something that you don't at the moment. Focus on your job at hand and achieve things in your own time and in your own strength. Cherish the time with your child....they grow so quickly and you cannot regain time lost.

I hope this helps you. :wink:
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SAHM - Their true worth

Postby Dxenion » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:02 am

Got this from
http://bostonworks.boston.com/salary/ar ... alary.html

Keep in mind the figures quoted here are US dollars. Aussie $ is $171398. Alot of company CEOs wish they earnt that much! Also this is just one of may sites that breakdown exactly what a SAHM really is.

"A new research analysis completed by Salary.com reveals that today's 5.4 million stay-at-home moms would earn $131,471 in annual salary, including overtime pay, if paid in cash in addition to the steady flow of rewarding hugs and kisses from their children.

The Needham-based firm consulted with a representative sampling of stay-at-home moms before finalizing a list of the top seven job titles that fit the average mom's job description. Ranked in order from most time-consuming to least time-consuming, the list included the titles of Daycare Center Teacher, Van Driver, Housekeeper, Cook, CEO, Nurse and General Maintenance Worker.

The estimated average salary calculated by Salary.com's team of compensation experts for a stay-at-home mom is based on a 100-hour work week, consisting of six 15-hour days and one 10-hour day. Job titles, responsibilities, and qualifications were considered and weighed on a scale of importance, frequency, and average time spent on tasks per day. Stay-at-home mom median salary assumes that the mother has at least two children of school age.

"Stay-at-home moms and working moms have a tremendous responsibility in raising their children and in the spirit of the upcoming Mother's Day holiday we recognize all moms and grandmothers for a job well done," said Tim Driver, Salary.com's senior vice president and general manager for consumer products. "We found it extremely difficult to put a true price on an annual salary for stay-at-home moms because they are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week with only a few, if any, chances to relax."

"While I may have given up my salary, benefits and 401(k) to accept the position of stay-at-home mom - a position I can't put on my resume - the rewards of viewing life through my children's eyes has been priceless," said Wendy Schulze, a CPA and stay-at-home mother of two, from suburban Massachusetts. "Besides, after being a stay-at-home mom and honing skills like self-confidence, multi-tasking and attention to detail, I feel confident I could take on any other challenging, but rewarding, job in the future, if I wanted to."

How Much Should a Stay-at-Home Mom Earn?
Job Title National Average Annual Salary
Teacher-Daycare Center $26,891
Van Driver $30,762
Housekeeper $18,750
Cook $31,099
CEO $612,623
Nurse $56,113
General Maintenance Worker $29,656
Base Pay (40 Hours) $43, 461
Overtime Pay (60 Hours) $88,009
Mom's Annual Salary $131,471
Source: Salary.com "

Although your ex-friend may be engaged, living with her boyfriend, pregnant with her next baby, and has a qualification from tafe, I'm wondering just what your mutual friend ISNT telling you. Things may not be as rosy as they seem. Also what was your mutual friend's motivation for passing on this info? To make you jealous? Some people find that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to bring down those they see as doing better than them. Kinda like the Tall Poppy Syndrome - you may be your ex-friend's Tall Poppy.

Amongst the many things I'm learning about myself during this weight journey, is that I need to focus on me and identify what it is that's great about myself ie what sort of person am I; what are my really good points; what can I feel really proud of? Why the self focus - you can't honestly expect someone to really love you if you don't honestly love yourself.

If you like, ask yourself the above questions and don't hold back with the answers. Even something that you might find insignificant (eg you may make an awesome scrambled egg breaky that people beg for) is noteworthy.

May a list of all your responses and put it somewhere you will see it every day. Feel free to add to it at any time. When you're feeling blue, revisit the list to remind yourself of how truly wonderful you are.
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Postby chubbybubby » Sun Sep 03, 2006 10:55 am

Thankyou for your kind words everyone, I will definately try remember all that I DO have, rather than what I dont when a bout of jealousy rears its ugly head! I really am thankful for a lot, so thankyou all for helping me to realise that I am still achieving, just different to what my ex friend is. I think the most important thing I have began to see is that my biggest achievement is that I am finally taking the time to truly look after myself and my body, and get this weight under control, for the sake of my son, and for myself, I think I was taking it lightly, but I have worked my butt off (literally lol) to get where I am now, and to get to a point where the weight loss finish line is in site. :P Thanks heaps guys! xxx
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:08 pm

I agree that it takes all types and different people suit different lifestyles. Me, I couldn't be a SAHM. It'd drive me nuts. I also couldn't work as my primary job in a shop. My mum on the other hand stayed at home with both my sister and I, then did a botany course through TAFE in order to volunteer at the arboretum, worked a couple of jobs in between (including managing the Devonport Wilderness Shop) and is now running her own wholefood shop! But she couldn't do the job I do (Dept of Health and Human Services) as she says it would be far too stressfull.

We both have completely different approaches to life and would be like a fish out of water in each other's worlds, but I would say we are both successful!
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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