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Feeling terrible

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Feeling terrible

Postby workinprogress » Fri Oct 06, 2006 5:47 pm

I'm sorry to dump all my drama and issues on the forum but I don't know where else to write. You're all so supportive and I think that's all I need at the moment.

I hate this 'time of the month', always get a little sad and cranky. I've stalled my weightloss, was doing so well up until a couple of days ago when I slipped up. I have to get back on track.

It's so depressing, I just realised that since my best friend moved away to work in the Hunter Valley I have no girlfriends to go out with and just do 'girly' things. All my school friends are long gone and now how am I meant to make new female friends? I work in IT and there are only guys where I work so it gets frustrating.

One of my male friends from uni came to visit today, haven't seen him in 9 months since he moved to work in the mines, it would've been a good day if he hadn't spent all day trying to crack on to me and feed me the whole 'you look so good now you've lost a bit of weight' BS, he spoilt it as men always seem to do...it's times like that you just wish you were with your best friend out shopping and sharing a laugh over a coffee.....

I'm sorry :(
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Oct 06, 2006 5:58 pm

Hi kristina :)

come up here to the central coast and we can go and do some fun stuff together! i find being a sahm that i get lonely sometimes too. i have about 5 friends but they have their own lives and like to go out and exclude me just because i have a baby and a fiance now. i know i could join parents groups or playgroups but i am pretty shy and lack self esteem! sorry to hear it didnt go well wiht your male friend. sometimes guys just dont think about what they say before they say it. plus sometimes you just want to do fun stuff with girls like have lunch, talk about fashion and makeup etc or see a chick flick. keep your chin up kristina, perhaps you could join a gym or do some classes- i knwo some community centres do pilates or yoga classes and it gives you a chance to meet other people. we are always here for you if you want a chat, you are doing well so dont let this hiccup get you down!

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Postby KimE » Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:48 pm

Try not to let the time of month get you down...I know easier said than done. You are doing well so just get back on track and count it as a new day, new start.

I don't have many gal friends either. 2 of them I see maybe twice a year for lunch and a chat which usually lasts all day and is fantastic fun. The other one whom I am closest too lives a good hour plus away so we catch up as often as we can about every month or so. I don't really do any 'girly' things though as I have always thought I didn't like that sort of thing but strangely enough now I have lost weight I think it would be great for me and her to go off for a day to a spa or something like that. I adore my hubby and he is my best friend but the times with the gals are something else aren't they. I must admit I get a bit envious of people who have a big circle of girlfriends they go out with a lot. A lot of that comes from growing up together and all the females I grew up with live in NZ so....

Chin up Kristina we have a girly circle going on right now....anyone for coffee? :D
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Postby Ally » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:31 pm

Chin up matey!! The best thing that TTOTM will be over soon!! I know it is not much of a consolation, but it will be. I always get down with mine as well (my hubbie reckons he is going to build him and our son a shed of their own as there will be 4 of us with that problem soon and he reckons one is enough to cope with let alone 4!! cheeky bugger, that sure as heck didnt' earn him any brownie points LOL)

I don't have many girlie friends either. My friend that I used to do all the "girlie" stuff with moved to Normanton last year, so that left me pretty much on my own. I have one friend who is as far from a girlie girl as you can get, but she can fix a truck!! And my other friend is really self absorbed, so that leaves me in the same predicament.....sad and sorry bunch we all are, aren't we!!!

I too was sorry to hear about your male friend. It is such a shame when that happens as you sort of feel a bit betrayed!! But never mind mate, chin up and keep moving forward, you are going great with your weight loss!!!

Please don't be sorry for sharing your problems, that is what we are here for!!!
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Postby chubbybubby » Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:39 pm

Hey hun :lol:
Im sorry to hear that your day with your male friend did not go well. Guys are just horrible like that sometimes... like you cant just be friends, its like they think that there's always a possibility for something more. Dont let him get you down. You and I (and Kate :lol: ) have a lot in common. I fell pregnant at 15 with my little boy, one by one, I lost my "girlfriends" and had a really difficult time adjusting to not being surrounded by "friends" constantly. Im 20 now, and I really only have 2 good friends (one moved to Darwin with her army husband, im in melb, the other is at uni and is still doing the "young ppl thing" that I just dont get anymore! :P ) We stay in contact, talk on the phone, but I totally understand the feeling of lonliness. I think what I have learned is that to an extent, I now rely mostly on ME to get over those lonley times. I take long bubble baths with candles and music, I get into my favourite PJs and my piggy slippers and put on a feel good movie (Bridget Jones always does it for me!) and snuggle up in a big doona. I adore the "me time" that I have. Sometimes, I would still like that girlie day out thing, so I have a go on my own...sometimes you just need another woman there for a gossip or whatever... and, lame as it seems, generally I call my mum, my sister, my aunty, even my nieces :lol: and we go out for the day, or stay in bake cookies :P .... It is difficult to meet new people, I agree. I suppose maybe you could try a course of some kind? Even like an art course one night a week, or maybe a class like bellydancing or something to meet new people? Im enrolled at tafe next year for that EXACT reason, Im a little nervous, but I know it will be a positive. Oh, and the biggest, biggest helper to me? The gorgeous people on this website. :lol: I feel like in the last few months I have made some fantastic new friends, they are inspirational, and incredible people. I hope you enjoy this forum as much as I do, for me, it can brighten up an otherwise pretty awful day. If all else fails, jump on a plane and we'll give eachother facials! :lol: xxxx
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:58 am

Jeez chubby bubby its just like looking at a mirror image of myself- how scary! :shock: :shock:
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Postby workinprogress » Sat Oct 07, 2006 8:58 am

Thanks a lot to all you great people who replied.

You're all right in what you say but I must admit that it's sad to know that your friends just come and go in your life like that :(

Kate, just because you have a baby doesn't mean you're not entitled to have fun according to your gf's. In fact I would've thought you'd have more of a need to have some you time with the girls, as much as you love bubby you need a break sometimes. I'm amazed they can't see it that way. If I'm ever up your way I'll make sure to say hi :D

I agree with you Kim, I too am envious when I see women with groups of friends and they all go out and have a good time without the boys....funny, I only seem to have 'girlfriends' when they have tupperware parties, don't you just HATE that? You only get invited over by someone you barely knew because they want you to buy something. That used to happen to me a lot when I was with the ex. He was in the army and I always used to get invited to parties like that, he always used to say I should go and make some friends and get to know people...so I did. I don't have any of those friends anymore, but I do have a lot of useless Tupperware in the cupboard :lol:

Ally, atleast when you get TTOTM you'll have the whole house to yourself :lol:

Amy, my best friend also fell pregnant when she was 15 (I didn't know her then however, only met her when both she and I were at uni) She has a 6 year old daughter and when she was in Sydney we'd go out and take Ebony with us (when she wasn't at school of course). It was fun because I don't know a lot of people with kids so it was good to go out because my friend would always know all the fun places to go and you saw the world from a kids perspective. I think it's a shame that people lose contact with their friends just because thier circumstances change, life is always changing but what makes it worthwhile is surrounding yourself with the people that have been through it all with you.

I used to have a really close best friend when I was in primary school, her name was Stefanie. She and I were both major Mariah Carey fans (still am, but don't hold that against me :P ) I had to move away when we were to start high school and my mother (who was incredibly overprotective to the point of opression) forbade me to ever see or call Stefanie again because she thought there was no need to continue a friendship if we weren't in the same area (she didn't want to drive me out to Stef's place and things of that nature) Stef was the nicest girl, good family, we never got into trouble and she was a good influence on me but mum put a bar on the phone so I couldn't call her or any of my school friends.....Years later when I got access to the net, I tried searching for her because I had heard she had moved back to country Victoria where she was orignally from, but to no avail I couldn't find her details after countless phone calls to all the families with her last name....

I just realised how depressing that story was :lol:
I guess life has always got something planned for you.....
I'm thinking of joining an all female gym (don't know about Fernwood, they're pricey....) Anyone been? Maybe go once a week to socialise and see how I go.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Oct 07, 2006 12:13 pm

Hi kristina

joining a female gym sounds good, let us know how you go :) it is sad to think that you lose touch with friends as life goes on, but the fact is, life does go on and you know that people are you true friends if they make the effort to stay in touch. last year i got so sick of making an effort to catch up with people and then find out they had gone out so many times without even asking me in the end i told them to forget it and i didnt want to hear how they did this and that (they would rub it in). as much as i love heidi it would be nice to have a night out with a friend to just have tea and see a movie! but i know my priorities have changed since having a baby but it doesnt mean im a different person and i cant have fun! lol.

take care and keep your chin up :)
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Greeting to all

Postby FatGarfield » Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:07 pm

Hi Kristina,
Thank you for sharing your feeling with us.
I am in the IT industry. I lost a lot of childhood friends (same primary and high school) when I came to settle in Australia. Then in Uni in Australia, a lot of girlfriends got jealous that my boyfriend was nice to me and they distanced me. Also they tried to steal my boyfriend.

At work, 95% were guys. The remaining 5% are mainly women with kids and some get upset that I do not have to do the taxi-driving for the kids on the weekend, pay for the private school for the kids. Can't win...

For a very long time, I feel that it is a failure not to be able to have close friends.

Also my family members (parents and brothers) cut me out of the family as my boyfriend was not of the same nationality for 7 years. Now my parents and brothers resumed the relationship with me, but naturally, it was never the same and on top of that, my mother was trying to give my father a hard time by complaining that my boyfriend treated me better than my father towards my mother... All messed up.

Anyway, it is great to have friends around but guess there is no point trying to hard if they are not suitable or if they just want to use me. For me, I have my boyfriend and one female best friend. My relationship with both of them is very strong and I feel very happy. It would be nice to have nice people nearby but guess it is hard to have everything.

Good luck with the fitness program.

Cheers...FatGarfield...
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:11 pm

Hi fatgarfield

thansk for sharing that with us. im glad to hear that everything is wonderful between your bf and your mate :) what's your country of origin? (if you dont mind me asking!)
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Postby SarahC » Mon Oct 09, 2006 9:34 am

I still keep in touch with most of my female friends from high school (I went to an all girls' school, we finished in 1994). We only ever get together once every few months, but still keep in touch with emails etc. Also I recently caught up with a friend from uni who I haven't seen in 7 years, which was really great :)

I spent a lot of time away from home whilst in the Navy, and met heaps of people while I was out and about... maybe my methods of meeting new friends are a bit wierd, but I'll share them anyway:
- Personal ads: Yahoo personals is really good. I think I met three people from there while in Sydney. Just be really specific about the kind of person you're after though :wink:
- Wander around aimlessly by yourself: It is amazing how many people will come up and talk to you when you're out by yourself. I met a few really great people whilst out at bars and restaurants. Just watch out for your personal safety though... I don't recommend walking home late at night!
- Holidays: Get out on a cruise or go to a resort, by yourself. I have one great friend who lives in my area who I met on a cruise, plus keep in touch with a few others. Look around for holidays that don't make you pay a huge single supplement (hate that!)

Failing that, joining clubs or groups has to be good :)

Fernwood is a good gym too. I went to my local one for a year until it closed. You find that if you go often enough, you see the same people there. I go to another gym now, and often see ladies from the old Fernwood there... we say hi :lol:
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Reply to Kate

Postby FatGarfield » Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:30 pm

Hi Kate,
I am from HongKong. My boyfriend is an Aussie with Greek background. I have been in Oz for about 16 years.

Cheers...FatGarfield...
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Sun Oct 15, 2006 6:25 am

I've never been the sort of person who had hoards of friend either. And I don't really have what I would call a 'best friend'. But it is nice to hve people who you can just be with.

My sister is always good, although I don't call her enough :oops: . And the bloke is great. We've got a little group of friends that make bbq's and camping trips great too.

But I guess I've never had a problem being by myself, I like my me time.

Sorry if this rambing is a little off the wall and unhelpful LOL
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Postby yummymummy » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:15 pm

wow reading these posts is like reading my mind, I had my first bub at 19 and alot of girlfriends drifted away when that happened.I was incredabily lonely for such along time after that. Now 11 years on my life is full of work and family but I still miss that I dont have alot of girlfriends and I rarely go out. Ive met people thru work and playgroups and what not but most people by my age have there set group of friends and arnt looking for more
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