Thank you very much Dustany1dust
I dont think u were being rude at all, if anything you made me feel a lot better about myself.
thank you very very much for taking the time to write to me. I went to see the lady about nutrition and she took photos of me and weighed me in
at 65.8kg on her scales, so really ive gained a quite an amount :/
however yes you are right that im in the healthy weight range BUT i do have trouble areas such as stomache, hips and thighs where i hold a lot of fat, You asked if i am eating healthy? well, not consistently.
I wil eat fruit and a few veg and meat but i never mix it up enough. And i also have days where i will have pizza or something really grotesquelly
bad and high in fat. I dont FEEL healthy and hjave a long way to go in eating healthy,. It is my biggest struggle. I feel like i have not
been treating my body very well at all and i seem to crave icecream and chocolate and bad foods a lot. i used to eat a whole packed of buiscuts or
four magnaum icecreams. i dont like feeling as though i am obsessed in food. It is discusting and bad for me.
I eat more bad foods than good, and not enough variety of good foods.
Overall i feel really bad about myself, and dont like dressing up or socialising much anymore. And my partner has stopped wanting to go
places with me because of my negative self image. It isnt so much the weight that i am..
but the way i am eating which is making me dislike myself, i think about bad foods and sometimes i feel like (however discusting i am going to sound) bingeing and gorging myself til im full.
I comfort eat and it just isnt healthy. i want to have children some day but i feel that i dont want to let them see food this way, i dont want them
to have an emotional connection to food or comfort eating. I need help. this is why i am seeing this lady for 13 weeks. Its ablout me overcoming my
stress of food. I literally stress about it. And my body feels foreign. I feel discusting. I need to be in control and hopefully in time i will be
I panic when i wake up in the morning about my body, and i regret not treating it better. i do exercise quite a bit but my food habits ruin this.
Just standing in front of this lady made me fidget. i was wearing a tank top, and leggings and i could feel my self just tearing up inside.
It isnt so much the bulges that worry me but my perception of food and my poor body dealing with the bad things im putting in it.
I never mentioned this but i did have bulimia a 3 years ago, and it has been very embarrassing and hard for me to bring up. I just want to deal with this feeling, i want to be free from the chains over hating my body and food.
Its like i love my food but after i eat i feel guilty and angry, if it wasnt healthy i say to myself "ill eat healthy tomorrow" but life is too short.
wow im sorry to vent so much, just feel really anxious about it all.
The lady even said to me when i was vulnerable with my weight and said to me, why i was wearing a padded bra when i had to be measured, and i said "im not happy with myself without one" and that was an answer in itself, im not happy with my body shape... i cant accept it. I have size B breasts now becasue i lost weight a year back and my cup size dropped. i never gained weight back on my breasts but i did gain it on my stomache a lot and my hips. i have a muffin top.
thank you so much for writing, i just really need to vent. i feel like crying now actually. i just wish i could be the person i want to be. in time i hope i can overcome this battle. xx