I'm at a loss as to how I will overcome my problems. I think about food all the time, always thinking of what I will eat next, stuffing my face till I can't move. It has been that way for about 10 yrs.
When I was growing up, we had dinner at the table every night, usually meat and veg, plenty of potato and always bread. We had to eat everything on our plate, and could have ice-cream every second night. We did not have any junk in the house, only plain biscuts ( never cream which I always dreamed of! ). Our lunch box was 2 plain biscuts and a jam sandwich, and we were allowed a lunch order a few times a year which was a big treat!!! Any junk food we could get our hands on, maybe at someone eles house was relished. When I got to high school and had a few dollars the tuckshop was a dream cause I could have an ice-cream everyday if I wanted and the parents would never know. From my teens onwards, I would eat junk, just beacuse I could. Though if I had it at home, it would always be hidden. Even now, if my sisters or I bring maccas home, its only because dad is not there!
So, I've always thought that I eat and eat now, just because I can and no one can stop me. I have the money, I can drive to the shops if I want a packet of tim tams and kick arse bag of chips and then eat them in one sitting, and no one can stop me. Though I don't like people seeing this, it's very hidden. I once hid a pizza in my cupboard when my boyfriend came home unexpectantly from work for a break. I heard him drive in, then ran and put the box with most of the pizza left in it, in the bottom of my cupboard on my shoes!!! I can'y remember if I ate it when he left 10 min later but I'm sure I did. And, just yesterday, I ate a chocolate bar in my room to hide it from my brother! I'm 29!!!!
Also, even when my weight has been good, people will still criticise if I eat something wrong. Like if I fell like maccas, when I was at my lowest weight/exercising, then I get comments like " what are you eating that censored for". Well, I know its pretty censored food wise, but I'm eatign it cause I just felt like it!!!!
I'm 155cm, and was always around 55kg which was perfect for my weight. It gradually piled over 6 or so years. At my heaviest I was 80kg, and was there for about a year. I went on Jenny Craig which was great as I don't cook, and got down to 68kg pretty quick I then moved interstate, and am happier living here, but have yo-yoed from 62-68kg all last year!!!! So frustrating cause my goal is to be under 60kg, and was just 2 kg away a few times , but can't crack it. WHY??????????????
I mean, how do I fix this? When I think about eating, it's not beacuse anything inparticular has just happened ( stress, happiness ), it's just because I have a taste for somehting and must have it.
Would appreciate any advice, as I 'm not sure how to beat this- argh!!!!!!!! At the moment, I'm 68kg again