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Frenemies!

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Frenemies!

Postby KittyMul » Mon May 09, 2011 11:50 am

It seems that we've all got friends/co-workers/relatives who (often unknowingly) try their hardest to sabotage our efforts to lose weight - I was hoping you might be able to give me some advice on a situation I faced the other night.

Two of my friends and I were lucky enough to be given free tickets the ballet last week. They were two of my close friends and both know that I'm trying very, very hard to lose weight at the moment. Before we went in, they decided to get some Maltesers, and asked if I wanted some, I said no thanks. So in we go and I sit in the middle. My friend, J, opens the Maltesers and puts them on my lap. I said, "Oh, no thanks, I'm still really full from dinner," and pass them to my other friend, F. F has some and puts them back on my lap. I go to pass them back to J and she says, "No, you're in the middle you have to hold them!" So I suggested that we swap seats so that they could sit next to each other and share. F then says, "Oh for f***'s sake, just hold them! There's practically no chocolate on them anyway!" Ummmm ok... the lights go down and the orchestra's warming up. There was about three left by now, and if nothing else I was sick of holding the box. So I first offer them to J - "Ugh, I've eaten way too many, you just have them." So I offer them to F - she grabs two, leaving one and said that J should have the last one. As I'm passing it over, she shoves the box back in to me and screeches (yes, people stared) "F***ing hell, just eat them, what is wrong with you!!" so G snatches the box back, grabs the last one and said to me, "You could've just eaten it." The night was quite awkward after that and I could tell they both thought it was my fault.

Now, I understand that me not having any was making them feel guilty, but that reaction was not warranted. Did I do the right thing? Do I say something? And if I do, how do I say it without coming across self-righteous? I've come across sabotage before but never anything quite so blatant. F is my absolute best friend as well - when I think about it, the only fights we've ever had are about food. I don't want to make her feel bad or like I'm judging her, but I want it to be clear that I won't sacrifice my own goals just so she doesn't have to feel guilty about her food choices. Help!
SW: 121kg
CW: 96.4kg
GW: Less than I weigh now...
KittyMul
 
Posts: 37
Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:06 pm

Re: Frenemies!

Postby CronicBadger » Mon May 09, 2011 1:26 pm

Hi KittyMul

I'm writing from a purely male perspective, so hopefully some of the female members may be able to provide a better response.

Anyway, one thing I've noticed is that women in general are FAR more competitive amongst themselves than men could ever be. Seriously so, and in just about everything they do. I suspect this is just one of those competitive events and there's not much that can be done about such things when they occur.

Perhaps to their mind you were flaunting your new-found self-control, and it annoyed the heck out of them. And perhaps it was exacerbated by TTOTM.

Next time you're holding food for others at a concert perhaps you should not hold or nurse the food on your lap but stick it quickly under your seat or by your feet out of easy reach.
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Re: Frenemies!

Postby KittyMul » Tue May 10, 2011 5:10 pm

Thanks for the reply Mr. Badger! I understand WHY they were being so censored, I just don't know what to do about it. I definitely agree that women are more competitive - men might compete on specific issues but women compete at everything, all the time. It can get quite exhausting! I suppose the only thing to do is to deal with each situation as it arises (I certainly won't be holding anymore chocolate boxes, if the situation arose again I'd insist on swapping seats). I feel like any sort of "talk" would just end up sounding like a lecture and I don't want that, nor do I want to lose my best friend. As my boyfriend told me, I can only control my actions, not hers. It's not my fault if she feels guilty, and I shouldn't make myself feel guilty just to stop someone else from feeling guilty. Sigh, so complicated!
SW: 121kg
CW: 96.4kg
GW: Less than I weigh now...
KittyMul
 
Posts: 37
Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:06 pm


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