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What would you say if?

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What would you say if?

Postby millie » Sat Sep 24, 2005 9:57 pm

Today my dreaded mother in law was at my house. She is ultra thin and knows it, but complains about how fat she is all the time. (she was here for 1.5 hours and mentioned her weight 9 times. I counted) If that does not frustrate me enough she started to go on about one of the ladies at her work who is quite big, and what she is doing to loose weight, (she is saying it as though I should be taking notes for future reference). We have had this conversation many times as her favorite topic is her non existant weight problem. She says to me as she has many times before "but she is much bigger than you" refering to the lady at her work being bigger than me. But that is still offensive, she thinks she is giving me a compliment.

Now keep in mind that she is my mother in law, and you must have respect and all that hoo haa. When she makes these comments I want to slap her stupid, (not literally of course). I get so cross, but I just shut my mouth and say nothing as I dont want to cause trouble.

What would you say? Am I doing the right thing by saying nothing?
millie
 

Postby Dolly » Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:21 pm

Hi Millie, I have a similar thing happening once per fortnight when I go over to visit my parents.
My interfering mother will always bring up the topic of weight.
Last time I was there she found it her duty to say how much larger I was becoming saying Ishe thinks I am now the fattest person in her family. I said I'm dieting mum whether it works or not I'm trying.
Then she brings out clippings on new diets and tells me about diet pills she's heard about etc. I said don't worry about it mum I'm fine, lets talk about something else but all topics come back to me being fat. I dread going there as she'll bring up the weight topic again.
My sister says when mum did that to her a year back she simply told mum you can talk about any topic but weight. She told mum that her daughters (mums grandchildren) were not going to visit with her because she kept on talking about how chubby they looked.

I thought I'd try talking to her too and said please don't talk about my weight I'm taking care of it, her reply was why and from then on we were talking about it more than ever. I give up!
George my husband just tells me to grin and bear it. I'm thinking of printing up a t-shirt saying don't talk about my weight and if she does I'll just point to my shirt and not speak until the topic changes.
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Postby Serena » Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:24 pm

She sounds a bit like my Mum. I've decided that it's so much easier to just switch off and not really listen. If you say anything in your defence she is likely to get all offended and hop on her high horse about how you don't appreciate her and she's just trying to help and then you'll never hear the end of it. Much better to just ignore it. Sometimes when mum starts discussing my weight or her weight (skinniest one in the family but whinges the most about it) I just have to walk away or I'll change the subject.
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Postby Maraver » Sun Sep 25, 2005 6:49 am

Mothers we love them but they can be so cruel at times
the last time I saw my Mum she died a couple of years ago, I had flown to the UK to say my goodbyes and a friend had said to Mum don't you think Pam has lost weight, I had lost about a stone since I had last seen her and Mum said no she is still as fat as ever and fatter than me blooming sister sat there and twittered
while inwardly I was heart broken

I don't think they mean to hurt you so much they think they are doing the right thing but they are not they are in fact making you feel so worse

Chin up girls Dolly I would be tempted to say to your Mum would you love me anymore if I was thin

Millie its hard for you cos she is your in law

I am afraid I would grin and bare it just the sake of peace

but inside when she has gone have a good scream
:lol:
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Postby Fairie » Sun Sep 25, 2005 1:48 pm

How hard it is for you all. :(

My mother and Mother In Law have both been big ladies (bigger than me) and have both lost it all and neither of them has ever said one word about my being overweight. They are both so supportive and have never embaressed me or made me feel a total looser. They never try and get me to eat any cakes or things I shouldn't be having when we go out for coffee or lunch, or when I come over for a visit.

I think I am very lucky. :D
-Fay-

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Postby Dolly » Sun Sep 25, 2005 5:11 pm

Fairie, we should get your mother to teach our mothers how to behave.
At least on the bright side of things, we are now all experts in knowing to say nothing about weight if we ever have a large family member or friend visiting.
I would simply place down a platter of cake or biscuits and another platter of fresh sliced fruit so people can choose what they want to nibble on whilst drinking their coffee.
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Postby Fairie » Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:15 pm

That's exactly what I do Dolly, if I have visitors I have a plate of biscuits or cake as well as a plate of carrot & celery sticks etc. They then don't feel as though they are missing out if they don't want these sweet things. :D
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