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Hurt

Postby garn » Fri Jan 19, 2007 7:04 am

Hi everyone,

I was sitting at the dinner table last night with my husband and said to him that i only have another 2 kilos to go before i hit the first 10kilos and my first goal.... he got up and walked off without saying anything....

Then, when i asked if he heard me, he replied that yes he heard me and what did i want him to say!!! I said ' thats great, good job something that was remotely positive and gave me some encouragement....

Needless to say we ended up having a hugh fight with him saying it is not his responsibility to make me feel better, i have to do it for myself and it is up to me to make it happen. (Which i realize but a bit of encourgment when i need it isnt that much to ask is it?)

More hurt by the fact that he just walked off as if it was insignificant. I listen to him when he wants to talk about stuff even if i am not interested. So, now im upset and quite frankly don't want to look at him let alone talk to him.

Just needed to vent and get it out...Trying hard not to resort to comfort eating as i normally do. Thanks for listening.

Anita
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Jan 19, 2007 7:08 am

oh anita you know we will always encourage and praise you for your efforts. i suppose hubby doesnt really know what you are going through whereas we are in the same boat. i would be hurt too. i too listen to my fiance come home from work and talk about his day. half the time i have no idea what he is on about but i let him vent and then he is right. and when i mention my weightloss he says 'well doen im really proud of how well you are doing'. he doesnt need to do a song and dance about it- i dont expect that and im sure you dont expect that from your hubby either, but a little recognition for your efforts wouldnt go astray!

when you have had some time to think about it and calm down - and him too just explain that you were hurt from his reaction and that as your husband you thought he should have shown you a bit of respect by listening to what you had to say and acknowledging your achievement.

hope you feel better soon anita xoxoox
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Postby tree » Fri Jan 19, 2007 7:12 am

That does sound pretty rough. It costs nothing to give someone else some encouragement.

You may get a chance to talk with him about this later. If you are making big changes in your life, it will affect him and sometimes that raises issues in the relationship that need to be worked out.

Well done on jumping on the forum for some support instead of into the fridge.

Try to remember how close you are to your first goal and if you are feeling bad now imagine how much worse you will feel if you fall off the wagon.

You CAN stick to it!!
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Postby SarahC » Fri Jan 19, 2007 8:01 am

Well we here are very proud of you Anita! You have lost nearly 10kg, that's a remarkable achievement :D

I am guilty of doing the exact same thing as your husband, with my man. He's been losing a tremendous amount of weight lately, and to be quite honest, I don't like it! And I've told him such too. It must be horrible for him as he is obviously quite proud of what he has achieved... but I liked him the way he was and didn't think he was fat at all.

Could it be that your husband feels the same way about your weightloss? Sometimes partners can be a bit threatened by changes. Kinda like you coming home one day with an outrageous new haircut. Some people can get a bit thrown by that, I don't know why :?

Anwyay, you are doing a terrific job Anita, and in the end the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself :wink:
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Postby garn » Fri Jan 19, 2007 8:09 am

Thanks Guys for the support.

I was more upset by the fact I hardly mention whats happening at work and the gym to avoid making myself feel that i need 'encouraging' remarks to keep me going and that i can do it for me. Just y'know every now and then a girl wants to be recognised as something other than the mum and good wife who comes home and cooks dinner every night. :wink:

I guess i have put a lot of time in at the gym of late and mabey he is feeling left out to.... i am up at 5.30 and dont get home untill 6.30pm....

I guess when we both calm down we will talk it out.... until then i guess the silent treatment goes on... (Very grown up way to go about it) :D

Anita
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Postby Fairie » Fri Jan 19, 2007 8:18 am

Oh...Anita that is so unfair, of course we are loosing weight for ourselves but support and encouragement is what keeps us going.

I know it's not the same but you have all our support and encouragement.

I think a 10kg loss is great so well done and all the best for the next 10kg. 8) :D
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Postby garn » Fri Jan 19, 2007 8:21 am

Thanks Fay,

Looks like i will hit 10kilos next week...missed my goal by a bit...was aiming to have lost it by christmas so i am a month behind.. oh well... only 30 or so more to go....easy stuff :D

Feeling heaps better now.
thanks everyone

anita
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Postby Ally » Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:14 am

Hi Anita, keep going mate you are doing a fantastic job and I say a big well done for you not to head straight out and over-eat.

Hubbys/partners can be hard sometimes and I certainly understand how hurt you must be feeling. Give things time to settle down and talk things through with him. A lot of time, when we have a lot of weight to lose, people don't see it as quickly. I know that I have lost 15kg and it is only starting to be noticable now to my family.

I agree with Sarah....maybe he feels threatened in some way by your weight loss....the only way to overcome it, is to sit and talk the issue through and see where he is coming from.'

I hope it all works out for you mate, as you have worked so hard to lose that nearly 10kgs!! Stay strong and just keep going!!
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Postby yummymummy » Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:31 am

Congrats on the weightloss!! be proud!!
Maybe he is feelig left out of your journey, you could try talking to him about it and inviting him to the gym so he feels included,
Goodluck Jody
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Postby Simmy » Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:46 am

Keep your head up and know that you have achieved so much! The weightloss is a massive achievement - and so is not heading to the fridge during a crisis! Well done.

Reading your post, your husband reminds me so much of my partner - I think its a guy thing. Although he has never not replied to my telling him how much weight Ive lost (which I realise is where you want your replies) he does it all the time to me. Anything that Im talking about be it work, uni, friends. He will often just not say anything. I do the same thing "Did you hear me?" he'll say yes and ill go off for not responding. He seems to think a conversation doesn't always need verbal cues from the other party. As he says "well what do you want me to say, 'Yeah Ok'" YES something like 'yeah ok' would be fine, ill get the hint you're not interested and at least Im not repeating myself because I think you didn't hear me!

Well sorry about the ramble, and although its different, I somewhat understand where you are coming from. Men can be so frustrating!
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Postby garn » Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:07 am

That is right on the spoT!!!!

Its not like i wanted him to throw me a party but some sort of response would have been nice, rather then just walk off and say nothing....!!!!

Even a simple response like 'yes' so i know he heard!!! Ack men...
I know he doesnt want to hear about every detail of my day but yknow...a bit of politeness wouldnt have gone astray.

Weve been married for 8 years now..mabey you just forget the social niceties after a while.

ah well...men are a strange breed.

Anita
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Postby dancer » Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:16 am

Unfortunately Men and Women are not the same and we need so much from our male pertners, but we always seem to get it from our girlfriends instead.

It's not unreasonable for you to expect a simple answer from him.

I have had the same fight with my Hubby many a time about him not listening to what I'm saying etc...... I had to train him, that even if you're not really interested, a simple comment of encouragement or acknowledgment is all I need and then we can avoid this whole fight thing.

It seems to work.

DON'T CCOMFORT EAT!!!!!!!! Do the opposite. I was very upset this morning and would usually reach for food, but instead I thought stuff it, I'll show you and exercised.

If you keep going as well as you are soon he won't be able to help but comment on your progress, even without prompting from you!
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Postby garn » Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:23 am

good job dancer!!!

Been sloggin my butt off this week....doubling up on the gym sessions to twice a day. Yesterday i got back from tha 6 am session and said to him i am not going this afternoon...he said why... i was tired and sore

2 minutes later i had the gym bag packed for the afterwork session.
he asked 'why?'

For some insane reason i felt Guilty!!! i had only just been to the gym!!!

Something strange is happening to me...i am actually enjoying exercising!!!!! OH dear.

:D
anita :)
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Postby dancer » Fri Jan 19, 2007 12:59 pm

That is so fantastic garn, WELL DONE - You go girl!!!!!!!

But don't feel guilty if you miss a session when you are doing 2 a day. But hey if it got you there again, go for it!
Winners MAKE things happen,
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Postby Aquagirl » Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:22 pm

you know what? They don't get it sometimes. And I have come to the simple conclusion that they won't. And its usually these times that we as women need the most encouragment. Thats why we have girlfriends, mums, sisters, etc. The hard thing is men and women are totally different. I know exactly what you are saying Anita. Its like- just a little bit of encouragment................please.......anytime now..........HELLOOO!! :x

Maybe they are scared of us in case we are PMSing or hungry or tired. Because we were to busy doing the washing, going shopping, caring for their child, WORKING (the paying type), preparing meals, vacuuming, etc. :roll: You get my point. :lol:

Man, I feel like ripping my bra off and burning it in the street :shock: I just got alot off my chest, sorry about that everyone, apologies to any men reading this that are supportive.
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