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you cant make everyone happy...

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you cant make everyone happy...

Postby pixychic86 » Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:18 am

During the first few years of uni, i gained some weight. Over a year ago, i went to weight watchers and lost 20kg. Then i put my back out, and the medication i had to take has caused me to gain 40kg. i am now in the process of trying to lose it again.

My frustrations come from the fact that i can never please everyone.

When i lost 20kg through WW, it was great. then family & friends starting saying 'dont take it too far! dont get anorexic!! dont starve yourself!!'

Now ive gained it all back plus more, family & friends say(not to me directly- they said this to my mum)-' oh how horrible! how shocking! what happened????'

Can never please anyone. Even when the only person who needs approval is myself, it still hurts.

Jess
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:28 am

you are right there jess.

even though we need to ultimately lose this weight for ourselves it does hurt when we hear nasty insensitive comments about it. my family is the same mate. why do you think i spend so much time on the forum?! lol. no one else understand (my fiance is supportive though) but my family have no idea. even though i told them i was having a break over xmas and new years with my weightloss i was still criticised everytime i ate something. even my sister who stayed here said 'make sure you go back to losing weight once we leave' 'dont have any more kids or you will wreck all the hard work you have done' etc etc. it is extremely frustrating.

you are doing well with your life jess, try not to let it get to you too much :(
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Postby garn » Fri Jan 19, 2007 12:06 pm

ACK...Must be the day for it...

Kate you have done so well!!!! It's extremly annoying to have to deal with that crap.

When your big you feel self conscious about what you put in your mouth (alas the tendency to do the old sneak eat arises from this). you feel like everyone is thinking..no wonder she's so big eating chips and stuff!!!

Then you lose it and you get the opposite and people encourage you to eat so you dont become 'too thin' but you still feel that everyone is making sure you dont eat ' bad' crap.

I wonder if people have trouble accepting a person trying to acheive a goal and are envious that we have the will to do it ???

I am thankfull for this forum for the support of members to help me through the bad times, without it, i think the journey to a happier self image and better health would be much harder. Its dissapointing (as i have found) when your family doesnt say the things you want to hear, but in the end, they love us even if it doesnt come out right!!

all the best
anita
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Postby dancer » Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:08 pm

I HEAR YA!!!!!!!

I lost weight for my wedding in Sept 2005 and my Mother-in-law started saying, Oh you wouldn't want to lose anymore, your face will get too thin. (I was still above my healthy weight range at 74.5kg)

I felt like she was saying if I lost anymore weight that I might have a good figure but my head would be ugly. What a stupid comment to make, you'd think she'd want me to be healthy, (what just because I have high cheek bones means I get get thin?)

Now I've put on 20 kg and said to her while on holiday that I wanted to lose it, so she dishes me up a rabbits portion while everyone else feasts and makes me feel like a leper who can't make her own decisions about food! ARGHHHH.

Some people just have no idea, and I've realised that I don't need to share my journey with these people or get their input either.

So accept the compliments and disregard the other B*ll$hit that people feel they have a right to say!
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Postby yummymummy » Fri Jan 19, 2007 2:42 pm

Agg family what do ya do with them hey?? Ive learnt a great way of getting thru there ever so heplful commets(not)I firmly place 1 finger in each ear and sing over and over 'I cant here you-I cant here you" its was that or roll up in the fetal position in the corner and cry.

My M.I.L once told me that I was causing my children to have anorexia because I was on W.W they were 2 and 6 at the time and had no clue that I was on a diet or what a diet was for thar matter, exept when she spent her time obsessing about my weight...........
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Postby slimmindown » Fri Jan 19, 2007 3:03 pm

garn wrote:


I wonder if people have trouble accepting a person trying to acheive a goal and are envious that we have the will to do it ???



I certainly agree,
some people just dont like to see others succeed as it reminds them of their own shortcomings. But that is there problem not yours keep up the good work :D
[no excuses, I can do it!
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Postby KimE » Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:04 pm

Yep no pleasing 'em. Must admit no one used to say much to me when I was big but now I get the 'don't take it too far', 'don't lose too much' you know what the people who say these things to me are all skinny gals. It's quite bizarre. A couple of times I have laughed right in their face. Even now that I am on maintenance I have people saying to me if I have something a bit naughty 'aren't you on a diet?' Maybe next time I should say, 'Why? Do you think I should be?' That might shut them up.
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Postby Simmy » Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:21 pm

I can definately relate to the posts about family members (namely my mum). Deep down I KNOW she says things because she is concerned about me, but realistically, I already know Im fat, her telling me just makes me want to go home and eat ice cream and choc. When I was 64kg (oh that would be so nice) she pressured me to go to W.W. The worst thing she ever did was when I was a child (yr 2ish) my sister and I used to go to a house to be babysat after school with two other girls. Everyone (inculding my sister) was aloud 2 choccie biscuits after school - except for me that was aloud seaweed crackers. When trying to help me she actually made me spiral out of control in late yrs. The last 4 yrs of living out of home I finally didn't have her watching me, and thats when Ive managed to gain so much. (to this day Im still not a fan of seaweed crackers)
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Postby Ally » Sat Jan 20, 2007 4:58 am

garn wrote:I wonder if people have trouble accepting a person trying to acheive a goal and are envious that we have the will to do it ???


I think you are spot on there Anita!!!

After awhile I just became immune to family's comments! It used to hurt more (and still does at times) when strangers say something (or yell)...they don't know me and sometimes I look at these people and think..."buddy maybe you should look in the mirror, cause your face looks like a hat full smacked a#$eholes!"

I know it hurts Jess, and unfortunately there is not much you can do that will change these people, so just keep plugging away and do it for you and don't listen to anyone who says you are getting too thin etc....listen to your own body! I know it is important at times to have the acceptance of our families, but sadly this is not the case all the time, you have a great support network here and we understand where you are coming from!!
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Postby Jisgone » Sat Jan 20, 2007 8:58 am

haha your comment made me laugh ally, the guy looking like a hat full of assholes reminds me of a sticker i saw on the back of this guys wheelchair, it said

'i may be fat but your ugly, atleast i can lose weight'

and its so true, the people who yell and make comments will always be ugly on the inside, and in my opinion no matter how good looking someone is if they are ugly on the inside i dont find them attractive at all!

ive been very lucky with my parents being very supportive, at first they werent so much but once they saw i was dedicated they have been so supportive :) when i hit 15 kilos dad bought me some really fancy sports shoes as my other ones were from high school, and weve booked a cruise for november and they will pay for me if i reach 80 kilos by the time we leave

i think support can be little things too, like now when mum knows they will be eating takeout for tea she will buy me a piece of chicken breast or something so i can still eat healthily or alot of the time they will eat it when im not at home :) my brothers are both natural stick figures and my little brothers not supportive at all because he just doesnt understand but my older brother whos a personal trainer is really good about it all too. i find its just extra motivation when you know you have 3 people i your house keeping an eye on your progress :P
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:42 am

HI jewles

thats really nice of your mum to do that. i dont live with my mum (thank god!) lol but when we do go over there for bbq or nibblies etc they always make sure there is something there for me so i dont feel left out. i even pop over there every day so mum can see heidi and she can run amuck and because i dont drink coffee or tea, mum buys jarrah chocolattes to keep there for me. its a great help thats for sure to have support in that way- but they can come out with comments sometimes and i have to bite my tongue!
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Postby Groovychic » Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:56 am

Thats why I dont tell people I am trying to lose weight. And I have told mum that I'm not worried about my weight, its my fitness that I am trying to improve. Which is true, but if I can lose a few kilos with improved fitness that is great. Soon as people know you are trying to lose a bit they are on your case with comments. So basically I eat what I want but try to have smaller portions. Tho the smaller portions aren't always much smaller!!! :oops:
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Postby Jisgone » Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:58 am

My mum is 54 and weighs 62 kilos, its just not fair! shes always been skinny and my brothers took after her but my dad is big and im the female version of him! we always used to eat the same things and ever since i was 6 or 7 ive been big, stupid evil slow metabolism grrr hehe
Mums can be hard, before i started losing weight she used to pester me a fair bit about my weight but i think shes sort of realised im old enough to look after myself now and her comments were just drawing me away from her
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