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Sabotaging Myself

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Sabotaging Myself

Postby pinacolada » Sat Apr 07, 2007 8:49 pm

Hello everyone, I'm new to this board. I have introduced myself on the Introductions, but my name is Jaye and I have a weight problem. I am 25kg above what I want to be, and 30kg above my dream weight and I want to get pregnant.

I have noticed that I sabotage myself. My weight is the only thing in my life that is holding me back from being happy. Knowing that, why then can't I just do something about it? Every day I start off with the best intentions and end the day feeling guilty and disgusted with myself and vowing to change when I wake up in the morning.

I know that it just takes one day to egg you on for the next day and so on and so on. But I find it very difficult. I need a wake up call and some real advice.

Does anybody or has anybody felt this way in the past?

Any advice appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
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Postby Dee » Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:11 pm

Hi Jaye,

i think it's fair to say that just about everyone has self sabotaged at some point.

I think the best advice I can give you is to start small. Don't just expect to completely change all you habits in one day - it's not going to happen. You need to make gradual changes. Perhaps start by excersizing every day, then reduce your snack, sor change them to healthy foods, then change your meals, check out oprtion sizes, etc. You are going to have days where you blow out, and you need to accept that as part of the journey. Don't be too hard on yourself; you will get there.

Good luck.
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Postby Mandie » Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:26 am

That's the key - don't be too hard on yourself. How many of us have started diets, then slipped up on a small chocolate or something, and then gone - bugger it, I've broken it, and proceed to eat ourselves silly on anything because the diet was over?

I know I have!

The key is to pick yourself up and jump back on the wagon before you do much damage.. and realise we're all human and we make mistakes.. and the more you forbid yourself for something, the more you want it.

Negative reinforcement doesn't work as well as positive reinforcement. It's like with children and bedwetting (odd example, but I learned about this in paeds) - if you yell at the child, they tend to bedwet more. But if you do a reward system - ignore it when they wet the bed, but heap praise on them and give them a sticker or something when they don't, they learn the good habit of NOT wetting the bed a lot quicker, and their self esteem is better.

I work off that principle myself. Rather than beating myself up for not exercising, or for eating badly, as I used to do, I reward myself for doing well. If I eat within my calorie limit and do 30 minutes of exercise, I stick a star on my calender. If I don't, I do nothing but try to achieve my star the next day. It's amazing how putting a positive spin on things can really help.

In terms of self sabotage - only you can know why you do this. A lot of us do it, I'm sure, in different aspects of our life. You need to examine the reasons - what are you afraid of? and work on this before you will be able to stop doing it.

Best of luck! :) We're all here to support you along the way...
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:00 am

hey jaye i just sat here nodding to everything the girls have said. small changes are important otherwise you will just give up. you wont notice the changes overnight, you need to give it time. some people are impatient and think that what theyre doing isnt working because they cant see the changes straight away. you need to stick to it. also i learnt to say NO to a lot of things. when people would offer me food even birthday cakes etc i had to say no. its hard to do at first but it gets easier the more you do it. every yes you make is a set back .
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Postby Justjudy » Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:57 am

Jaye, there is not much more that I can add to what has already been written, except to say that this is something that I struggle with on a regular basis. I have one small slip up and my thinking seems to run to " I buggered up, I'll start again tomorrow, and then I proceed to empty the icecream container in the freezer, and the cookie jar. My problem is, once I have started in that mode I find it very hard to jump back on the wagon (it might be because I am short), and sometimes I actually need someone to kick my behind with a clown shoe (really big one).

That's where the wonderful forum members come in. They will put on the clown shoe if I need it, and one of them is my sister, and she won't let me get away with anything. Make sure that you have support around you that will do just that, not enable you to sabotage yourself.

Judy :D
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Postby A_Corner_Of_The_Earth » Mon Apr 09, 2007 5:11 pm

I agree with everything the ladies have said.

What Dee said is also very true and is the secret to success- making small significant changes. Start of small. Don't look at those 30kgs and tackle it in one go, it's way to daunting. Break your goal down into small mini goals which are much more achievable and you'll be able to reach those small goals a lot quicker than you would if you have it all in one big lump (hope that makes sense to you). Then you'll have satisfaction and want to continue.

Also don't look at this as a diet. Diets don't work. They have a beginning and an end, and what happens afterwards you go back to your old habit and put on all that weight plus more. Look at this as a lifestyle change; incorporate healthy eating and exercising in to your life for life.

Good luck with your goals. You will get there. Remember it won't happen over night but it will happen.

Cheers Jennifer :D
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Postby dancer » Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:03 pm

Jaye, welcome to the forum!

When I read your post I thought I must have forgotten I typed it, because it sounded EXACTLY like me.

I too want to get pregnant and have about 25kg to lose.

Every day I would wake up and have a little battle with myself about what I would eat. Inevitably by the end of the day I would have let myself down and would vow again to start tomorrow.

With a goal like having a baby, you'd think you'd just lose it, but unfortunately our minds don't work that way!.

I have just this month decided to have a 2 month break from TTC and started on Reductil to help me lose some of the weight and feel better about myself.

I think the main thing is addressing the psychological issues that are stopping you from losing the weight.

I have also started seeing a psychologist for help with why I treat myself so poorly and why I perhaps think I don't deserve to be thin, have a baby, be happy etc.

I would talk to your Doctor about your options.

That said, there is heaps of support here on this forum and plenty of inspiring stories to be told.

Best Wishes with your weight loss and TTC journey's.
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Postby pinacolada » Mon Apr 09, 2007 10:10 pm

Hi Dancer

, it is so good to hear that somebody feels the way I do especially with regard to having a baby. I could almost hit myself every time I go out to the shops and see a beautiful little baby and know that the only thing holding me back from that joy is ME.

What is reductil?

I did go and see a doctor about 3 weeks ago about my weight and he was so uncaring. I felt that I took such a big step to admit to somebody that I was overweight and needed help, and he just brushed me, didn't ask me any questions just sent me for blood tests, and on my way to get the blood tests done, I read the form and it said under reason for test "Obesity" which he had handwritten. I was so devastated and distraught and upset that I drove straight home. I couldn't bring myself to let anybody see that word. I never told anybody either, this is the first time I've said it (or written it).

Perhaps I need to go to a different doctor but I am now too scared. So figured I would do it on my own with of course the help from people on this site.

Wishing for a baby and determined to lose weight so that I can achieve it. All the best for you Dancer.

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Postby Dee » Mon Apr 09, 2007 10:33 pm

Geez that makes me furious! People seem to be constantly on us about how we should lose weight and get fit and healthy - but noone is prepared to offer any bloody assistance! Blood Tests??? For lord's sake - how does THAT help you?

*Dee stomps off to Kranky Korner! - Hey Kate, shove over and let me in!* hehehe
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:09 am

HI jaye yeah some doctors have no idea. however i can see where he is coming from ordering blood tests. you never know if there is an underlying reason for your weight gain like a thyroid problem or pcos (which i have) and even though he wrote obesity he could be going by the BMI in which case even small people can be classed as obese. but i know it still hurts to feel shoved aside. perhaps see another doctor if you arent satisfied. we all need a bit of reassurance when trying to battle the bulge.
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Postby dancer » Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:05 am

Hi Jaye,

Your Doctor sounds like a complete idiot! I found that with some previous MALE doctors I had and then I found a wonderful Female Doctor who is so understanding and really willing to help. Possibly because she is not a stick herself. LOL

If I were you I would bite the bullet and see another Doctor. Talk to the staff at the reception of some clinics and ask them which Doctor would be good for weight related issues and also pregnancy related issues. That's how I found mine. The staff really know which Doctors the clients like the best.

As for Reductil. Here's a link to another thread where I've spoken a bit about it. It costs about $110 for 30 and is for people with a BMI of 30+. Here's the link.

http://www.weightloss.com.au/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5297

You're gonna curse me for this, but Jaye if you really do want to conceive you need to bite the bullet and tell your story to a decent Doctor who can point you in the right direction.

Best Wishes and if you need a whinge anytime just type away.
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Postby dancer » Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:07 am

Oh I forgot to add that while taking Reductil I can't get pregnant, so we are taking a break for a few months. So it's a decision you have to make.

It's for the best I think because I want to feel great when I get pregnant and be healthy enough to enjoy the experience.
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