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How do you handle advice!!

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How do you handle advice!!

Postby catclawz » Sun May 06, 2007 6:33 pm

Just wanted to get other peoples advice on how to handle unasked for opinions on losing weight.

Last week i was at a family picnic in the park and surrounded by lots of yummy food. I was trying to be good and watch what i was eating, taking the skin off the bbq chicken that kind of thing. There was a large group of us and some family friends as well. I hadn't really told anyone i was on yet another diet, but my efforts in trying to be good hadn't gone unnoticed by one particular family friend. She asked loudly in front of everyone whether i was on a diet and told her i was doing Weight Watchers. For the next hour i sat through her and others telling me what i should and shouldn't be doing and analysing what i had on my plate and what i had already eaten and what exercise i should be doing etc etc I just sorta sat there a little stunned and just agreeing with her.. But what bugged me more was that this became a family discussion on my weight loss efforts, it made for a miserable afternoon for me especially since i am the only person in my family with a weight problem, so the focus was on me. I hadn't asked for anyones advice but they all felt that i needed it somehow. And i was too polite to say otherwise.

Looking back and with the benefit of hindsight i wished i had of said something on the day but i was just too embarrassed.
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Postby Jisgone » Sun May 06, 2007 6:41 pm

families can be horrible things, just keep your head up high and prove to them u can do it your own way :) make them eat their words :P
i saw my aunty a few weeks ago and she said youve lost alot of weight, youve still got a way to go tho
i was a little taken aback, does she think i dont know that? she has no idea how much ive lost or anything but she must be the expert on my weight
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun May 06, 2007 8:06 pm

hey cat

i know what you mean. they try to be supportive and think they know whats best for you when theyre really putting you down and making you feel like everything you are doing is wrong. my family are the same. i (like you) didnt tell them i was trying to lose weight initially and if they asked if i was dieting id say no. because really i wasnt dieting. i was making small changes over time to better my lifestyle- incorporating exercise into my daily life and also eliminating all the junk food. i too had to sit through everyone saying 'oh you can eat potatoes you know, or you can do this or that'. i bit my tongue and changed the subject. especially at family bbq's when i was told i could eat this or that and not put on weight. i knew what was right for me and what i wanted to eat. i didnt need anyone telling me differently. its good to see other peoples points of view and what program's have worked for them in the past however sometimes i dont think they realise that not all the program's work for everyone. i hardly received any support from my family. my sisters try and compete against me and id say 'im 70kg' and they would say 'well im 68kg'. the support i have here on the forum where other people are going through the same thing as me is what is important to me and got me through the tough times as well as having my fiance's support too.

dont let them get you down cat, you do what is right for you, and at times when i was really frustrated with someone pushing their ideas or making rude comments towards my eating etc id say 'thanks for that, im happy doing things my way for now'. keep your head held high that you are doing this for you and not for them
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Postby Leishkin » Mon May 07, 2007 11:56 am

yeah i think kate said it best, you've got to believe that what you're doing for yourself is the right thing - if you believe it'll work, there's no stopping you - if you take on board the gazillion other theories out there in the world, you get stuck at square 1. I constantly see tv shows, blah blah blah contradicting the system i'm following - which is basically just of my own devising at this point, but you've got to stick to one thing - if you keep listening to the million voices saying this or that is bad for you/good for you, you're just going to end up a confused mess! while people like to believe they know best - only you know what works for you - and god, while that situation must've been horrible, you should feel all the stronger for it and just prove that you can do it on your own :)

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Postby Cherub » Mon May 07, 2007 2:01 pm

Unfortunately without being rude it is very difficult to stop unwanted advice, but bear in mind most of the time people mean well.

I know how hard it is to be the centre of attention, when you are quietly trying to get on with doing your own thing. In the past I have rebelled, and ended up sabotaging my own efforts just because I was annoyed with comments. Stick with what you know and you know that weight watchers works.

A trick I used was to read heaps of news and magazine articles or even just the headlines and when the topic moved to an area I wasn't comfortable with I said did you hear/read about blah blah blah, most of the time the conversation moved on.
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Postby catclawz » Mon May 07, 2007 2:48 pm

i know the family means well and hope to see me at a healthy weight, i just don't think any of them realised how it made me feel at the time. Since the picnic as well when i have been around family i have had the.. should you be eating that? Which was why i was trying not to tell them i was dieting.. Ahh well, families will be families and i know they only have my best interests at heart.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon May 07, 2007 2:54 pm

ah yes i still cop that now. once you reach your goal they will watch you like hawks to make sure you dont slip up. even if you do have a bit of indulgence you are made to feel bad. :( well thats just my family anyway
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Postby dancer » Mon May 07, 2007 5:58 pm

Oh God I hear you!

Why is it that people feel they can comment and don't think it's rude.

Different if you brought it up, but I just really hate how everyoone has all this advice.

I always get people saying stuff about portion sizes and this diet or that diet. I try to tell them that I probably know more about nutrition than they do, and that that's not the problem, but people just don't understand.

People can't understand that it's mental thing that has built up over years and years and that their advice if often more of a hindrance than a help.
Winners MAKE things happen,
Losers LET things happen.

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Postby electrongirl » Tue May 08, 2007 10:05 am

This is why I have learnt to only tell select people that I am trying to lose weight.

Because EVERYONE has some sort of opinion or advice!!
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Postby KimE » Tue May 08, 2007 8:20 pm

Hey Cat that's no good if a nice day out turned into something that made you so uncomfortable.

Yes, everyone does become an expert when they find out you are losing weight. I didn't tell anyone initially for a while but as I was on lite n easy to start with it was kind of hard disguising the bags etc. I used to move the food into my own bags or plastic tubs so no one would see. Not because I was embarrassed of being on a weightloss plan but more because once people knew they would ask me about it every other day, want to know what I weighed and watch for me eating something I shouldn't. I just didn't want all that hassle. Finally it came out and I thought stuff it you can all just watch me lose the weight.

Boy can it be annoying though.
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed May 09, 2007 4:32 pm

I also try to avoid the topic now. I know the comments... "oh, you should try the ...... diet, I heard it really works". The answer that runs through my head is "I've lost 30kg. I think I'm doing pretty good with what I'm doing now, don't you?", but I usually just say "No, I'll just stick with what I'm doing" or similar.

I guess in a situation where people are discussing your weightloss I would be tempted to say "yes, I AM doing really well aren't I? If you would like some tips on anything you're wanting to change I could give you some really good motivational advice, like say auntie jenny, you know how you always have one too many drink?? well, you might want to just start setting yourself goals, like I did. Just one less glass of wine a week and before you know it you won't have to take this brochure for AA!"

My bet is most people who do this are just looking for something to talk about. Start aiming the topic at them and watch it change. I say this now, but I don't think I'd be quick witted enough to come up with it on the spot, and depending on the people, probably not rude enough ether (I am trying to contain myself these days).
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

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Postby catclawz » Wed May 09, 2007 4:55 pm

Butterfly_Dawn wrote: I know a situation where people are discussing your weightloss I would be tempted to say "yes, I AM doing really well aren't I? If you would like some tips on anything you're wanting to change I could give you some really good motivational advice, like say auntie jenny, you know how you always have one too many drink?? well, you might want to just start setting yourself goals, like I did. Just one less glass of wine a week and before you know it you won't have to take this brochure for AA!"


Haha.. I love it !!

But like you i find that these things only come to mind afterwards! :shock:
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Postby milkyway » Wed May 09, 2007 4:59 pm

You are evil Dawn but I love it! :lol:

There are all sorts of things you could bring up... errant facial hair, nanny programs for improving your children's manners, a new mouth wash to combat halitosis, anti-dandruff shampoo that's supposed to work wonders, a personal stylist to help you work out which colours and styles suit because those are obviously not working for you, take a course in not being passive agressive... oooh, I could have so much fun writing scripts for these scenarios!
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed May 09, 2007 5:11 pm

but the key is to be 'helpful' about it. Just like they are being 'helpful'. So it's gotta start with a compliment like

"oh and speaking of positive changes, Cousin Mary-Jane has really started to be a bit more stylish haven't you Mary-Jane? Good on you, I'm really liking the trackies WITHOUT the bum-bag don't you all think? I can't wait to see you in a nice pair of jeans, you'd look so sweet..."

and then if they get upset you can innocently say "But I was just paying a compliment, I thought I was helping.... but if that's the way you feel, I'll respect your wishes not to discuss your personal issues like that, in the same way you do mine"

But hey, I don't shy away from conflict, particularly if it's been ticking me off on a number of occasions.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby catclawz » Thu May 10, 2007 6:44 pm

Ohh Dawn.. they are fantastic... can you please come to my next family get together with me... PLEASE.. it would be a riot!! :lol:
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