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Anyone Relate To This

Postby Maraver » Thu May 17, 2007 6:17 am

Last night my Hubby's son and his girlfriend were having a few people over for drinks because they had an old friend from the UK there, I didn't go I said I was tired etc after work, but I didn't go because I was embarrassed about my weight, Andy I did not have a great row over it but I did not tell him the real reason why I wouldn't go, but he said he shares his life with me and wants me to be with him when he goes out but my self esteem is so shocking I feel so gross.
I really need to pull myself together and I need some support girls so hang in there with me and lets see if I can get this tracker moving

thanks for listening to me vent
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Postby milkyway » Thu May 17, 2007 9:12 am

Hey Pam - sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down.

The important thing to remember (and I'm conjuring Dr Phil here!) is that you need to separate your body image from your self image.

Are you a sensitive, caring, loving, fun person with a great sense of humour at 109kg? Well, you will be that same person at 89kg or any other kg. That won't change. The only difference will be that you weigh less and while losing those kilos may give you more confidence, you'll still be the same gorgeous person :)
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Thu May 17, 2007 9:21 am

hey pam i can relate. even times where i thought i looked good i would look back at photos from those occasions and think of how disgusting i looked.

there are times i would come home from a late shift on a saturday night and i would tell my fiance to be ready so we could hit the clubs only to get ready and look at myself in the mirror and say something like 'oh im pretty tired theres no point going out now'.

we are here should you need us pam. talk to us at any time we arent going to judge you. i think your hubby and his family love you no matter what you look like because they know what kind of person you are. xoxox
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Postby Fairie » Thu May 17, 2007 11:47 am

Hi Pam, I understand how you feel. I often wonder at times how my DH can bare to be seen with me but I think you and I have very special husbands. They love us and see past all the excess baggage.

We need to see the person they see and love that person as well then everything will fall into place.

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Postby Sassygirl » Thu May 17, 2007 12:24 pm

I have on quite a few occasions cancelled going somewhere because I couldn't bear to be seen by people. I am slowly getting out of that but it does play havoc with your mind hay. I always say to my hubbie "how on earth do you bear to be seen out in public with me", he answers "because I am proud to have you as my wife". Very special hubbies indeed!
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu May 17, 2007 12:34 pm

I don't think I have ever not gone somewhere because of my weight, but I did change the way I was in public - eg how I dressed, how I acted. I was never the 'girly girl' in adolescence, always the tom-boy, butch type. Never wore dresses and heels, always jeans, shirt and boots/sneakers. Mostly it was because I couldn't get the trendy clothes to fit, so I adopted the opposite. Even now when I can wear the latest trends, they just don't suit me because they don't reflect the person I have come to be.
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Postby slimmindown » Thu May 17, 2007 1:24 pm

You have just given yourself the best reason to keep on with your weight loss journey. Each kg you loose will give you that much more confidence to go out and be seen.
Even though it is your feeling, of not wanting to be seen out and about,not necessarily the way others see you.
I know I'm still overweight but because I have lost weight I feel so much more confident and know it is a mental thing not a physical one.
when I was at 109kg I felt on top of the world because I had lost 20 kg. Its all in the way we see ourselves not how others do. Hang in there and you will start to feel so much better about things,we are all here to support you in any way we can.. 8)
[no excuses, I can do it!
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Postby MissE » Thu May 17, 2007 1:52 pm

I know that feeling well, of making up reasons not to go out with my friends because I cant find anything to wear that I dont feel awful in...

But its motivation. when I want to go off track I think about that feeling and it helps.
Life is too important to be taken seriously!
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Postby KimE » Thu May 17, 2007 4:10 pm

It is sad that you don't go out and do the things you want to. My weight never stopped me from going out but it did at times stop me from feeling good about myself.

Those sorts of feeling would make me cry but also helped to spur me on to loose the weight so hopefully you too will pull some motivation from it.

We're with you Pam.
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Postby Dee » Thu May 17, 2007 7:35 pm

Oh Pam I know exactly how you felt. Please lpease please don't let your body image be your self image. You are a great person - powerful, strong and worthy, regardless of how you feel about your appearance. Have confidence in yourself and you will make this happen for you.

Go out, enjoy yourself, embrace life, and as you lose the weight everyone will have the chance to notice! If you hide yourself away how are people going to see you change and be inspired by you?
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Postby A_Corner_Of_The_Earth » Thu May 17, 2007 7:37 pm

I can so relate to this. There are times when I'm not feeling so confident and no matter what I'm wearing I feel fat and ugly that I just don't want to leave the house.

Or there are times when I tear my wardrobe apart trying everything and nothing looks good because I'm having a fat day.

It is so horrible what we put ourselves through. Missing out on having a good time because we are so self conscious of the way we look.

Sandra makes a really good point separating body image from self image. I know that's a hurdle we all have to overcome.

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Postby Maraver » Fri May 18, 2007 5:52 am

Thankyou for all your wonderful replies, I know Andy's kids love me well deep inside I do but this nagging doubt always nags away at me, I know Andy loves me but I look in the mirror and I think how can anyone love this, I suppose the answer to my questions is I don't love myself, would I love myself if I was thin, I would still be the same person ex mother in law who I love dearly but she has never been backwards in coming forwards wrote to me adn said "Pam don't they have weight watchers in Adelaide"I was so upset, and I know she meant well, maybe I am just too sensitive.
anyway hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts with you
Here's to a thinner me with a bigger self esteem
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri May 18, 2007 9:14 am

hi pam i have found comments like that have come out of my pop's mouth over time and i have put it down to him being old. its just the way he is. but i am not going to let him hold me back from relishing in the success i have had of losing weight and enjoying myself more now that i have lost weight, nor will i let it make me feel insecure in my own body.

you are here because you want to lose weight. dont lose it because someone else is making you feel like you need to lose it. once you get to your goal weight you still might not be happy but will losing more weight make you feel happier? thats the decision i came to when i reached my goal weight, 'enough is enough' i said and when i felt most comfortable in my skin that is when i stopped. its not for anyone else to judge how you should look or feel.

i understand people try to have your best interests at heart but i think when it comes to weightloss (amongst other things in life) people should be respectful of the fact that its not an easy thing to do and being overweight isnt a great thing to live with.

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Postby bunny » Fri May 18, 2007 12:11 pm

morning all
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Postby sassi » Tue May 22, 2007 10:53 am

hey pam, i can also kinda relate. i've never not gone out because of my weight, but i am very conscious of it and often it gets me down before i go out somewhere.

my bf is similar - so supportive & wants me with him whenever he goes out. he thinks i'm gorgeous but i do the same thing - wondering why an earth he wants to be with me. i don't know why we seem to be programmed to be so horrible to ourselves - no one else is! it's tough, but listen to andy and let yourself believe him. know that you are worthy of his love.

one thing i did on the weekend to help counteract my nasty thoughts was to treat myself to some really expensive skin products - sounds kinda silly but i decided that i was worth it and that i deserve to treat myself well. i guess that's something that i am going to do my best to transfer into my eating as well - that i deserve to put good food in my body...

enough from me. hope i've made at least some sense!
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