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Need some Advice

Postby ISparkyI » Wed Jun 06, 2007 1:19 pm

G'day all

For starters I really do want to say this is a great site and so far I have learnt a hell of a lot in one day.

Alright here we go . . I have a brother who is in need of help . . I am not sure of how to approach him and I know if something is not done urgently I am worried his life will be shorten significantly.

He is 34, and I am guessing over 170 kgs. He doesn't smoke which is a good thing but his eating and drinking habits are shocking. He drinks Coke religiously and eats way too much. He isn't very active and I can understand that being that size it would be hard for him.

I really want him to go see a doctor but as I said I am unsure of the right approach. He is stubborn beyond belief and even when he has some problems with his weight his excuses usually sound like this *i have a little bit of a weight problem*

Its like he is denying it . . which again I understand due to the fact he has reached this level.

I was even thinking about Enrolling him into the Biggest Loser, because even though he is that size, he doesn't have trouble moving around *a small amount of struggle in some areas but on the other hand for his bulk he can move*

I am sure he would do well if he had the right guidance.

Shaun
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Jun 06, 2007 1:42 pm

hey shaun thats really sad. it sounds like he is at a stage where a lot of us have been - denial. firstly in regards to the biggest loser etc good on you for trying to work out a way in which to help him. however i must say that to lose weight you need to be in the right frame of mind. even if he was to get through the many auditions, he needs to want to lose the weight he cant be forced to do it. he would end up like sarah from the last biggest loser and leave because he is not in the right frame of mind. you would know yourself having been overweight that you had a lightbulb moment one day that you need to do something about your weight. when you reach your goal your brother might think 'if he can do it i can too' because the best thing you can do for him is be a role model. sit down and have a chat with him and tell him that you are concerned about his health and you are willing to support him all the way and perhaps the best place to start is to get a check up at the dr's. you dont want to be too pushy in that he is going to resent you. being overweight and obese isnt a nice thing and to have people telling you to 'do this or that' i know personally it made me feel worse in myself like they were picking on me. it had to be a decision i made to do something about my weight. you just need to role model and be a support to him so he knows you are there.
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Postby ISparkyI » Wed Jun 06, 2007 2:01 pm

Thanks for the advice.

I have thought of many ways to approach him about it and as you said I am now the one that is losing the weight.

I guess it was harder before as I was also well overweight, and its like the Pot calling the Kettle Black.

Ill see what happens in the near future as it definitely needs to be done . . I haven't given up on him and never will.

Shaun
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed Jun 06, 2007 2:08 pm

Hi Shaun,
I agree with a lot Kate has said. As hard as it may be for you, all the good intentions in the world will not make him do anything he doesn't want to. My advice is to just let him know that you are concerned for his health. Try not to harp on about it or tell him every latest thing you have heard of that could help him, but if he asks for help/support, try to provide what he asks for (e.g. if he asks you what did you change in your diet, tell him that).

It's hard when you first start to make changes in yourself to see others in similar situations - you just want to make them change too and do all the things you did that worked for you, but sometimes it can do more harm than good. When I first started getting good results I just wanted to tell all my friends who made the mistake of saying "i wish I could get the same results" what they should be doing, in detail. I quicky learned that it wasn't appreciated, so I just give the advice they need and no more, such as "well, I'm sure you can get the same results if you find something that works for you, if you want any support, I'd be happy to help" - that way they know they can do it and that I am supporting them and if they want to know what I did they will ask. Also, what works for one person may not work for another.
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Postby Ally » Wed Jun 06, 2007 2:13 pm

I agree Tegan....you will turn him off completely Shaun if you come across with unwanted advice...although you know that you intentions are purely out of concern, your brother may not see it that way....let your life be the example to him and when he is ready he will know where to come for sound advice. :wink:
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:06 pm

great advice ally, I totally agree :)
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Postby ISparkyI » Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:14 pm

K I totally understand what your saying but I have one more question. What if he never comes around for advice ?

Do you know what I mean as in maybe he is so down on himself that he doesn't want to confront it . .

I dunno its a tough situation to be in for sure . .

Shaun

Cheers heaps for the advice though guys
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:54 pm

well like some of us suggested just bring it to his attention that you are concerned about his health. he needs to want to live a better quality of life for HIMSELF not for other people first and foremost. unfortunately these days many people live and die being obese and overweight because they kept putting weightloss off or are happy living the way they are. we can just support them with whatever decision they make.
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Good luck

Postby Fi » Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:10 pm

I know that when one of my friends got serious about boot camp and the weight started coming off, it made me a little bit envious, which was a good thing, because it increased my own resolve. Maybe if he sees you having success, something might click (even if he doesn't acknowledge it openly) and he might realise that it is possible. Because you know how if you've become overweight, it can feel like you're progressing in the wrong direction without having any control over it, and you're never going to slim down again?

Maybe open the conversation by saying something of your own experience to him, like (along the lines of) you didn't think you'd ever lose the weight, but (insert tactic) has put you on the right track.

But yeah, I agree that he has to want to do it... I can't image he's happy with his current situation, but it might seem too daunting, or maybe he's in denial, or enjoys his lifestyle too much to want to curb it until he has some sort of health scare or something to make it "real".

This is a random idea, but would he have any interest in giving blood? Maybe you could say that you want to donate blood, and would he come with you too... before each donation a nurse takes blood pressure, general health check, etc.

That way he's not "going to a doctor" he's "going to do a good deed".

Good luck!
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Postby Dee » Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:40 pm

All this is great advice, but I do have one thing to add. If he never comes around, unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. Please don't put a strain on your relationship by obsessing about his weight. As someone who has had every single person I love say things along the lines of "I'm just worried about you" let me assure you that this is NOT a motivator.

Life is short - live it, love it and don't spend too much of it worrying about the problems you can not solve.
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Postby ISparkyI » Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:50 pm

Dee

That is perfect . . ill just mention it to him that I am concerned, let him know a couple of ideas and of course that we would support him 100 %.

I never have put pressure on my bro or been ashamed of him at all . . hes family . . ya can never get better than that.

Thanks again for all your advice seriously, at least I have a platform to establish a way to approach it all.

Shaun
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Postby Chelle » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:35 pm

Why don't you get some advice of an doctor or an obecity clinic & get information or ask them how you go about it the right way before you bring up the idea to your brother. In all honest he need to want losse the weight for himself or he won't take in any part of it. Or try & get him to the doctors & suggest for the both of you have an health checkup at the same time, so he won't feel as bad.
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