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Why do skinny people say they are fat???

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Why do skinny people say they are fat???

Postby Hayley » Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:54 pm

Hi guys,

My sister-in-law is staying with us for a few days, whilst visiting us in Exmouth. She is no more than a size 10 and does not have an ounce of fat on her body. She is incredibly muscular and is one of the fittest women I know.

Today she started whinging about how she's embarrassed about going to the beach for a swim while she's here 'cos she's 'fat and flubbery'! It made me feel really down because if she thinks she's fat and flubbery, what the hell does she think about me then? I am a size 16!

How do you deal with this sort of thing? I don't want to make a big drama out of it or make her feel bad but it really has hurt my feelings.

Just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for 'listening'.

Cheers, Hayley.
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:46 pm

Hi Hayley,

There are a huge variety of reasons why people do this. For some people, what they see in the mirror is not what we see when we look at them - if you asked them to draw themselves, they would draw a person out of all proportion to what they really are. It's called body dysmorphia and is often associated with some kind of eating disorder.

For others, they have a very strict ideal and any variation (even one that is fully acceptable in other people's eyes) constitutes a terrible, earth shattering failure.

Some people also might have a high need for attention and compliments. They might be highly insecure and put themselves down about their looks, weight, intelligence anything, so that people will say "no, no, you're not fat/ugly/stupid etc"

The other thing is that nobody thinks they are perfect. Anyone who looks in the mirror, no matter what size or shape, will see something about themselves that they wish was different. For some people it's their hair, others the shape of their nose, their teeth, the length of their arms, size of their breasts, colour of their skin, size of their freckles (get the sense this could continue forever?). Some people might just feel unattractive for whatever reason and just pick one of the most common ones - weight - to express.

And I doubt she'd think anything bad of you. In fact, if you said the same to her, she might even say "what are you talking about? it's only us, you don't need to be embarrassed". In fact I've often said similar to people when they claim to be fat "well if you're fat, what does that make me?". The reality is that they aren't thinking about anyone else, just how they feel about the bits they don't like. If she DID say something bad, it would be most likely to cover her insecurities about herself.

I sometimes use this to my advantage when good looking girls strut their stuff making me feel bad - I just put myself in their shoes and find something on them that they probably want to change (of course I would never judge them on this or say it to them, I just find the thing that makes them human). Then i try and turn it positive by finding something good on both me and them.
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Postby Dolly » Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:04 pm

Many people never say they are fat when fellow thin people are around.
I know that my husbands slim family like to say it when I'm within ears reach in a subtle effort to shame me into shedding some weight.
They think it's a kind way to bring my attention my problem.
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Postby Angel » Thu Jan 05, 2006 9:59 pm

No need to be embarrassed, we all suffer these situations from time to time.

If it really bothers you say something to her, she won't have realised how she made you feel.

For me - I think when I am unhappy with the way I feel about myself even the slightest comment from someone (slim or not) makes me think they are having a dig. The funny thing is that I'm the last person they're thinking of, if they're thinking at all - a lot of its habit.

How's this for bad - if I walk past a group of boys and they are laughing (even if they were laughing before), I'll think they are having a good laugh at me - when I look back on it I have a good giggle - do I really think I'm that important!

Butterfly Dawn - couldn't have said it better myself.

Dolly - how awful - how about asking hubby to have a quiet word to them - they wouldn't do it if they knew how it made you feel.
Last edited by Angel on Mon Jan 09, 2006 9:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:10 pm

I do the exact same thing with giggling people. I KNOW it's me. LOL.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby Dolly » Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:52 pm

Hi Angel, when my husbands family do that stuff to me I don't allow it to affect me, I'm totally aware of their subtle hints but I just ignore them especially since I know I'm doing everything I can to lose weight. I just laugh it off.
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Postby Hayley » Thu Jan 05, 2006 11:35 pm

Thanks guys,

That made me feel heaps better. You're absolutely right and I shouldn't let it bother me like it does at times.

I know that with the support of people like yourselves, I'll be able to shed the weight and will feel much, much better about myself.

Thanks again, it felt good to get it off my chest.

Hayley
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Postby marie » Fri Jan 06, 2006 4:14 am

alright guys,
my two best mates are size eight and there always saying their fat their not but one of them has really low self esteem in another section you were on about when people are laughing you think their laughing at you. she thinks the same thing so its not just big people that are insecure .
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Friend always on a diet

Postby Lesley » Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:20 am

Hi everyone, my best friend is always on a diet and exercises daily. She is downright skinny, but gets upset when people say she doesn't need to watch her weight or exercise. She lost 20kg and the way she maintains her lovely figure is with correct eating and exercising. She still points out her "fat" bits to me, and still has confidence problems. I think we all have them - or most, especially after having children.
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Postby PaulaR » Fri Jan 06, 2006 9:55 am

I've heard many friends who I think have gorgeous figures, talk about how fat they are as well. I agree with Dawn in that sometimes they just want someone to tell them that they are pretty/skinny etc. I don't think this is for a bad or attention seeking reason, I just think that sometimes we forget to tell others that they are wonderful people, just as they are.

When I do hear friends or work collegues say things like this, I do gentle say to them 'well what does that make me or how must you see me then'. They usually get quite embarassed because they said it as a light comment without really thinking about the impact their words could have on another.

Just so you all hear from at least one person today - you are all amazing and the fact that you are all here supporting complete strangers in their efforts to lose weight says a lot about how wonderful each of you are.
Cheers
Paula

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Postby Dolly » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:16 am

Aw Shucks Paula, you are so good for this foums ego.

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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Fri Jan 06, 2006 11:33 am

Thanks Paula, and the same goes for you too!!
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby Hayley » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:21 pm

Paula, what a lovely thing to say - same to you! You're right, lots of us do forget to tell people nice things like that, even though we think them all the time.

It's our 4 year wedding anniversary today - although we've been together for 12.5 years (yes, childhood sweethearts), and my husband said told me this morning that being with me have been the best years of his life! Hearing that and reading Paula's comment, made my day.

Thank you.

Hayley.
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Postby Dolly » Fri Jan 06, 2006 4:46 pm

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HAYLEY!

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Postby Hayley » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:29 pm

Thanks Dolly! I had a great day.

:D
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