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Excuses

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Excuses

Postby Bigrik » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:00 pm

OK, Let me start by saying in the past i have been the biggest culprit of what I am about to chat about.

As a very over weight person, do we find it very east to jump on the band wagon on any excuse possible to quit a diet, cheat on a diet, over modify a diet?

I explain a little further, for example do we say i'll eat this then work out a little harder tonight. Or i'll start the diet next week, or this is to hard so i'll quit.

Are we as fat people self destructive.

Again being as this is a support network of such why does everyone allow these excuses and why is the support always in the form of 'i'm sure you are gorgeous, or just try again'.

I may be way out of line, but these are the excuses we seek and look for! Do thing some people need a reality check and kick in the arse, i know i did.

I'm not going to mention any names, as each person needs to access their own situation but, saying someone is gorgeous when they potentially are morbidly obese is not the right type of support. I'm sure these people are beautiful on the inside, (no im not being smart), and are fun and great people.

We are aren't here to mother them we are here to help and be the bad cop if needed. Saying we are all human and make slip ups doesnt help, its years of slips ups that got us here. The reasons we are overweight generally is not complex.

Be proactive, say ok why did it happen, what can we do to help you, there not a child who has skinned their knee. They are a person who potentially can die if they dont change.

My final point here is also if they don't try to help them selves are you/we wasting our time?

Helping yourself doesn't include dieting for 4 days then giving up, or binging for weeks then deciding after doing it for a month to ask for help ASK STRAIGHT AWAY! If you give something a series go and are struggling thats when the help should be given. As an overweight person i can sympithize with looking at your support network for reassurance when u fail, but if you were ask them truely what they thought, and if they are honest they'll say they are disappointed, that even though they will also ways be there to help, every time you try again they have less and less faith that 'this time for sure'. Myself i can't take any more dissapointment in relation to my weight, so having others dissappointed in me is just not on.

As you can see i really dont sugar coat anything

Thoughts?


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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:15 pm

Hi Bigrik and welcome to the forum! Congratuations on your loss so far that's fantastic!

Definitely much of weight gain is related to not "doing it", of putting it off and looking for a reason why you can have that choccie bar. I used to eat 5 a day and justify it with "well I'm walking 20 min home :roll: . If your post is referring to society in general, then to an extent there is a sense of normalising being fat/obese/overweight and trying to make it acceptable in the interests of making people feel better about themselves regardless of the health impact (though we should be very careful not to conflate body image with self image)

Not sure if your comment related specifically to this forum but on this forum we try to recognise that in a weight loss journey/lifestyle change you ARE going to have slip ups and bad days. We try to encourage people to acknowledge that this slip up was not constructive, but to look for how they might be able to learn from that and not to give up just because they slipped (e.g. eat a meal before gong shopping, or drink water between meals to stay full). We might not necessarily say it after each person's slip ups cause that would get repetitive, but it does come up frequently about learning from your mistakes, particularly if asked. Many people start a diet, slip up a few days in and have a chocolate or maccas and then think, "well, that's it, I failed, may as well start eating crap again" which is just silly if you sit and think about it.

Besides which, a healthy lifestyle (which is what we're ultimately aiming for) should be able to accommodate OCCASIONAL (this is the key) special food treats like chocolate etc, so it is about finding the balance between everyday foods and special occasional foods. And of course, exercise
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Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

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Postby lng86 » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:47 pm

As much as you say you don't sugar coat things, neither do I.

I feel like you honestly don't know what you are talking about. This forum saves people. Weight is the hardest topic in the world to talk about... Especially since people judge you based on appearance. This forum gives people an opportunity to discuss absolutely anything... And not to feel judged. To feel supported - no matter if they have 5kgs to lose or 50kg. Everyone is treated equally because essentially everyone has the same motivation.

If someone has a 'slip up' - they should be supported. You are crazy to even assume that this is not something that EVERY SINGLE person does not have to deal with. A slip up does not mean failure... Several slip ups does not mean failure. Joining this forum means success.

Also, We say that someone is gorgeous when they are gorgeous - both inside and outside.

A PERSON'S WEIGHT DOES NOT REFLECT THEIR WORTH.

I'm not going to waste my time anymore. Maybe you have sorted out your own head space... As I have... But I'm here to support other people - not to be a bully. End of story.
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Postby madeline » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:04 pm

I know what you're trying to say, Rik... something along the lines of "If we're not going to give them the cold hard truth about themselves, who will?"

This attitude might be fine for some people (and I assume you're male, so you might enjoy that type of environment) but this forum is a very nurturing, caring environment where people are free to express themselves without fear of rejection or criticism.

Obviously your opinion is based on what you've experienced personally, but there is no need to shoot down other people to make yourself feel a bit better.
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Postby Bigrik » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:05 pm

My head space is fine, and the reason why im as fat as i am is no ones fault but my own. I was one of the peope i was referring too. I'll let the excuses help me. my whole discussion topic in case you missed it was people justifing those excuses, and people seeking those 'its ok's. I'll admit there are going to be slip us and probably many from me to get to my gold, but theres seems to alot more of justifying slip ups than helping to solve or remedy them.

I am happy for any one to prove me wrong and loose weight and change their lifestyle for better. And ill admit my approach might not suit every one, but has some extremely valid points.

Having been obese for a while and having those people around me for long time as well, i get a little tired of people saying i've tried everything or its too hard. Of course its hard, and i'll never say it will be easy. I'm saying tough love has its advantages as well.

By the way

Your exact words were
'This forum gives people an opportunity to discuss absolutely anything... And not to feel judged'
Yet you say judge what i say
'you honestly don't know what you are talking about'
I find this mildly amusing
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Stretch Goal 40kg
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Postby lng86 » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:14 pm

You come on this forum and your first post criticises some of the members? Not cool! Talk about your own personal experiences... But don't judge others. Everyone talks about their individual experiences on here... Or supports others.
To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you - Myself (Lauren)
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Postby MissE » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:15 pm

I get what you mean Rik, the tough love thing has alot going for it but with weightloss it has often taken people a hugely long time to even admit they have a problem and join this forum and try to lose it and a 'well you shouldnt do that' rap over the knuckles when they stuff up might well send that head straight back into the sand (or the icecream tub)
But encouraging, telling them they are beautiful, that tomorrow is another day, that they are just human and everyone buggers it up sometimes, we are not only telling the truth, we are ensuring they stay here and get the support that they do when they do well, when they make the right choices.
Maintaining confidence in yourself is a huge part of maintaining weightloss, and thats what we strive to do here. When people bugger up their diet or lifestyle they beat themselves up so much, they dont need us to do it for them.
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Postby lng86 » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:19 pm

MissE wrote:I get what you mean Rik, the tough love thing has alot going for it but with weightloss it has often taken people a hugely long time to even admit they have a problem and join this forum and try to lose it and a 'well you shouldnt do that' rap over the knuckles when they stuff up might well send that head straight back into the sand (or the icecream tub)
But encouraging, telling them they are beautiful, that tomorrow is another day, that they are just human and everyone buggers it up sometimes, we are not only telling the truth, we are ensuring they stay here and get the support that they do when they do well, when they make the right choices.
Maintaining confidence in yourself is a huge part of maintaining weightloss, and thats what we strive to do here. When people bugger up their diet or lifestyle they beat themselves up so much, they dont need us to do it for them.


Perfectly said! I'm probably too blunt... But the issue of weight is so personal that tough love with most people just doesn't work. It does more harm than good.
To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you - Myself (Lauren)
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Postby Bigrik » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:21 pm

but again i say it aren't you judging me????

As u said it is my first post and it might take me some fine tuning to articulate my messages.

And as i said im happy to be proven wrong and learn just as much as the next person,

But you pretty much say how dare i attack members, yet you are blantly attacking my opinion, as for it being my first post, you being my first reply hasn't been supportive or constructive.


Where as Butterfly Dawn and MissE have raised the same argument as you, but are constructive in their critisim and helping to potentially educate me. Where as you approach has to be honest aggrevated me a litte.

I'm using this forum as support for my own battle as well!
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28 Days Down 12.2kgs off
Goal 30kg
Stretch Goal 40kg
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Postby ISparkyI » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:40 pm

Big Rik

I honestly dont think anyone is judging you. I have to say if you offer your opinion on a site then expect the people to offer their own opinions in reference to your own.

Fair enough you have your way of telling it how it is. But for others the support and words of advice are what they need. I am pretty sure that people already know they have an issue, otherwise why we would be on this site in the first place ?

You obviously knew you were going down a pretty bumpy road with your first post and in all fairness to you I happen to agree with your opinion about needing a swift kick in the a*se. But for majority it is definitely not the way to go.

As far as telling someone their beautiful is in my opinion the right way to go. People often lock themselves in a slump of Denial and a closet of not knowing the right steps to approach it. Giving someone the confidence to seek the right trail is the first step in making them realise they are not alone, and there is Help for them. With that confidence comes a realisation that for once, something can be done and achievement is never impossible.

Welcome to the site Rik and honestly mate dont be so defensive if someone disagrees with your opinion, I think you will definitely do well here as you have a few insights into Weight loss that some people dont wanna hear, but need to hear.

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Nothing Ventured . . Nothing Gained . . .

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Postby Bigrik » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:50 pm

Thanks Shaun,

I didn't really get defensive because i was disagreed with, it was more that some people who dont like my opinion (and are more than entitled to disagree) have emplied how dare i speak like this, and not to shut other members down but thats exactly what has been done to me (not by everyone though).

The whole point of any forum is to express your view and what a crap world if we all agreed. I never make my comments personal yet straight away, my person has been attack.

I just find it amusing and a little fustrating

Cheers for the welcome!
84 Day Challenge
28 Days Down 12.2kgs off
Goal 30kg
Stretch Goal 40kg
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:55 pm

ok i have no idea what you were talking about in the first post lol. i dont think im concentrating as much today. but welcome to the forum, remember everyone is to respect other people and we can all get along well, no one is forced to read certain topics or get involved. since i have no idea what you are discussing ill just say welcome :)
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Postby Bigrik » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:56 pm

In hind sight i may have eased into my topic a little earlier,
but nothing in my life is done in around about way
A fault needless to say
84 Day Challenge
28 Days Down 12.2kgs off
Goal 30kg
Stretch Goal 40kg
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Location: Brisbane

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed Sep 19, 2007 5:26 pm

Ok guys, time to take a breath I think!! Maybe a Bex and a lie down even...I know I need one LOL.

I think what we have seen in this thread is a perfect example of how weight gain and loss can be a very raw subject with many people. What one person says can be interpreted as a personal attack and then they retaliate and the proverbial fecal matter hits the air circulation device if you get my drift. Doesn't help that this is on line and you only have words and not the non verbal cues to deal with!! And also, sometimes (me included) when we find something that works, we can get so caught up with how well it works for us we can just assume that this must be the ONLY way to do it and can get a wee bit evangelical about it (me and cycling anyone??? Yes?)


I don't think anyone meant to cause offense in this thread although perhaps some was taken! Everyone has raised some very valid points which all bear taking into consideration, when you put hurt feelings aside that is.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby lng86 » Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:44 pm

It's all good. But thank you Tegan for clearing the air! :)
To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you - Myself (Lauren)
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