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CC's Story :D

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CC's Story :D

Postby candycane » Wed Nov 07, 2007 10:28 am

Ok so I thought I’d say my story a bit for who wants to read! Or perhaps for myself

I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. I found it hard in early school because I was overweight as well as having eczema and an early growth spurt – so from that age I started really resenting myself. I thought I was just abnormal – which isn’t healthy in itself. I don’t remember eating heaps but I guess I did. My mum would go on a diet and then I’d do it with her but nothing really had lasting results.

High school wasn’t much better – I was given a lot of crap until I stuck up for myself and found some good mates (who still are my friends). I don’t think I was that overweight looking back – and people now even look at me and think that I’m not overweight…but when I look at me I just see all imperfections. Kids are just really cruel I guess, but they didn’t realize what a lasting affect their words would have on me.

I put on a heap of weight after school, then I lost it, then I regained some, and then I got diagnosed with cancer, then I had a year of treatment and tipped the scales at about 100kilos. I’m 5’9 so I carried it pretty well – but man did I hate myself. All I could see was that I was bald, and fat, and I have these scars (and stretch marks), and then pretty much gave up on myself for a while. I figured I was ugly and that’s all there was.

I’m not ugly, but I resent myself so much. I go through massive ups and downs about the way I look – sometimes I say wow I am pretty and then something else creeps into my head and says no your not, your ugly. I feel sorry for my mates, they’re always reassuring me – I try not to complain too much though.

So then I went and I lost all this weight and got down to about 75-80kilosish. But I was in this relationship and this guy was a total loser – and would just constantly berate me and confirm what I thought about myself. It didn’t matter what anyone else was saying – I could only hear what HE was saying. My friends almost killed him after I finally broke up with him from the sh*t he gave me – and the way he made me feel. I’m no good with relationships so I try to stay away from them lol, I always end up with controlling horrid men and I think maybe I make them that way sometimes.

Then I started uni and due to full time work and full time uni (I know I’m a machine!) over a year regained a fair chunk of weight – up to 92kilos – now I’m 87ish I’ve lost about 5 so far over the last few weeks. I don’t know why I eat – I tell myself I’m hungry but I guess I’m not? I know I need to exercise more, but I’m so tired all the time. I used to love going to the gym I just have to force myself there. I’ve put down my work load for uni because I worry about my health. I think about how I had cancer and sometimes I think I’d rather die then get it again and have to do treatment again which is really selfish I know.

Anyway this is massive much bigger then I intended lol. Hopefully I’ll get there!

Love cc xx

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Postby Mandie » Wed Nov 07, 2007 10:57 am

wow thanks for sharing your story with us, you've been through a LOT haven't you!?

you CAN do this.. just keep focussed on what an awesome person you are and how much you deserve to feel and look good. i think you just need to build up your self esteem as much as you can so that you KNOW you are worth this...

best of luck cc :)
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Postby candycane » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:09 am

Thanks Mandie :) lol i dunno - i've also had lots of positive things happen too though. I have an amazing group of loyal awesome friends, a beautiful neice and nephew who i love dearly, a fantastic supportive loveing family and having cancer gave me positive changes too - like the need to change my lifestyle and also knowing how blessed i am to still be alive. I think this is why i go through so many ups and downs, because i feel bad about myself then i feel like i have so much in life i have no right to feel bad about myself!! Its weird i know :)
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Postby Mandie » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:20 am

I know what you mean... sometimes when good things happen, we don't think we deserve it! But it's not true..

I can relate to many of the things you said... I used to date horrible guys too and think it was my fault they were horrible and stuff.. but no no no! I'm now with the loveliest, sweetest guy in the world who tells me how beautiful and perfect I am every day.. it's awesome, and I now know that I do deserve this!

And I'm trying to lose weight for myself.. to get healthy. Because I know I deserve to be the healthiest I can be!
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Postby candycane » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:29 am

Thanks girly. My motto is "boys lie and sometimes smell" or "boys ruin lives" hehe but in all seriousness, i know theyre not all bad. I just sometimes get scared of the ones who aren't my mates :D

I want to loose weight for a number of reasons, to be healthy, to have less of a chance of getting cancer again and to look and feel great (although i know this will come from the inside out rather then automatically upon weight loss) :)
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:46 am

i have a good friend from this forum actually wh0o has had a rough battle with cancer and she inspires me everyday- not to lose weight par say but to just make each day count, treat others as if you are the others and be thankful for what you have.

thanks for sharing cc
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Postby Mandie » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:52 am

to look and feel great (although i know this will come from the inside out rather then automatically upon weight loss)


That is SO true... but the weight loss certainly does help. I think it's because you are doing something positive, you start to feel healthier, you look in the mirror and realise you are losing weight and looking better than ever.. and then the confidence appears and you know you deserve it! I started feeling great about myself at a weight that most people probably wouldn't (around 120kg), but for me, having lost 20kg and seeing my body turn into a womanly shape rather than an illdefined blob... I felt amazing and sexy and confident.. and what do you know, boys started being interested and all the rest :)
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Postby candycane » Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:11 pm

Lol @ boys. They always be interested because they'll always think with their second head ;))

I know what you mean though mandie about the weight thing, for example i think my bestie got up to around 115 or so and she's made it down to 100 and she looks so fantastic. I keep tellin her that because i want her to know. i always thought she was beautiful no matter what weight, but yeah i couldnt believe the difference 15 kilos makes hey!

Thanks kate my pleasure. Cancer is an eye opener for sure. I was diagnosed at 21 so it definately opened my eyes. Especially when you see people die from it that you've made friends with at the hospital not nice. But then we're like living for them too ya know you do want to make everything count :)
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Postby Chelle » Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:56 pm

You have been throught alot CC welcom to the forum I'm sure that after everything that you have been through & put up with, all that is in the past & you are living life to the max. Congrat's on the weightloss so far.
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Postby candycane » Wed Nov 07, 2007 1:31 pm

Thanks chelle :)
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Postby Tummygirl » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:53 pm

Hey Candy Cane

Welcome to the Forum and take a load off god knows you need the rest hehe. Many people here that you can talk to for a push in the right direction...we all lean on eachother!!! :lol:
Cassie xox

Starting Weight 140 kg
Loss To Date 5 kg
Current Weight 135 KG
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Postby candycane » Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:04 pm

Hi Tummygirl :) haha what do they say? No rest for the wicked? I kind of revel in being busy. I also think it's easier to loose weight when i'm busy because i don't think about those chips mum put in the cupboard and what not :)

i'm a total freak when it comes to planning. I love haveing a plan it makes EVERYTHING easier :P

So i'm going to be a sexy confident bootylicious girl like mandie with all you guys supporting me :) i think also because you dudes know what i've been through weight wise - i feel you can understand more most of my girls range from a size 8-10/12 and have been most of their lives (except everyones just starting to put on weight now weirdly enough) so theyre always saying your not fat! Come eat cake! lol!! and im like noooo it has my daily serve of fat in one slice!! :D i'm lucky i distribute the weight well though

Thanks all of you guys for reading and commenting :)
Goal: 65-67 kg <-------Ultimate Goal:
For now? No weighing for a few weeks...
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Postby Mandie » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:02 pm

yay for being sexy confident and bootylicious! :D
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Postby hushpuppy » Wed Nov 07, 2007 8:14 pm

HI CC and welcome to the forums . We all support each other to the max . you seem like a person who always sees the bright side of life no matter what
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CW 99.8kg
GW 65kg
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Postby candycane » Thu Nov 08, 2007 10:03 am

Hi Jules, thanks heaps. I think it's a lot better to look more at the positive even when the negative wants to overwhelm you.

Woohoo i just bought skinny b*tch. It looks hilarious :P will tell you guys what i rate it when i've finished it.

Ate ice cream (ahem with ice magic) last night. I always seem to do worse at night :\
Goal: 65-67 kg <-------Ultimate Goal:
For now? No weighing for a few weeks...
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