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Czarina's Journey

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Czarina's Journey

Postby Czarina » Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:16 pm

Well, I finally got my bum into gear and decided to get a thread going on Curvaceous and Courageous! I figured it might be good for me to have somewhere to tell my story and track my progress (and maybe blow off some steam)...

I suppose I will start at the start...

I have always had a struggle with weight, I was never the biggest kid in school, but I was nearly always chubby and never happy with myself. I gained a lot of weight in my early teens, then lost a lot when I was 15 and got down to a size 10 - 12, I was never really healthy though, and was on the verge of an eating disorder. Since then I haven't had a healthy relationship with food. Even though I was in the healthy weight range, I felt huge and never good enough. I look back at photos of myself from then and think I must have been mad - I looked great! I gained weight once again, when I finished my VCE and have been up and down ever since. Last year was where I reached my lowest point and highest weight, I broke my ankle in January 2007 and was not able to walk properly until Janurary of this year. I gained 20kg in less than a year! I had not thought it was that much, it wasn't all that obvious to me as I had barely left the house and lived in PJs and trackie dacks - don't get me wrong, I knew I had gained weight, but to find out it was 20kg was devastating. I was angry, not only had my injury cost me my job, my social life, my plans...it had changed my body forever, those stretch marks will never go away and I had a tough road ahead of me to lose the weight. But I know I can't blame anything or anyone for all of the weight gain, a fraction of it maybe, but in the end I was the one who ate and drank in an unhealthy manner...

Anyway, things have changed for the better! I am now actually eating and losing weight - which I never thought was possible! I have a much healthier relationship with food and feel confident that I can continue to do this. My partner is wonderful and supportive and has helped me through those dark times and let me know he loves me no matter what size I am, he just wants me to be happy. He is so encouraging and tells me almost everyday how much he can see my weightloss - he calls me his "shrinking honey". I now no longer want to be 'skinny', I want to look like a woman - not a 12 year old boy! Give me curvy and sexy anyday. My aim is now to be healthy and happy. I have been on this forum for almost three months now, and have lost over 8kg since joining (and being educated via Calorie King - lifesaver!) and I am down 14.6kg from my highest weight.

This forum is a wonderful place, and I don't know if I could do this without it! Thanks everybody! :mrgreen:
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Tarz » Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:26 pm

Czarina wrote:Well, I finally got my bum into gear and decided to get a thread going on Curvaceous and Courageous! I figured it might be good for me to have somewhere to tell my story and track my progress (and maybe blow off some steam)...


Perfect place to blow of steam :D Glad you have started up a progress thread and shared your story.
That must have been a awful break for you to be out of action for close to a year! Must have driven yo insane!
I have also been educating myself on calorie king, i printed out the whole calorie king university and have put it in a folder to go through and read. I think the weightloss thing has become a hobby for me (now i just sound really sad!)
Anyway, your doing a great job and will get to the weight you want in no time. Well done on your accomplihment so far!

Tara
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Czarina » Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:31 pm

Tarz wrote:That must have been a awful break for you to be out of action for close to a year! Must have driven yo insane!


Yeah, I did a bloody good job of it, my foot was hanging off my leg at a very unnatural angle! Not pleasant. When the surgeon told me I would be out of action for 6-12 months, I thought "Yeah, sure, I'll be back in no time.", but alas...

I've got eight screws and a plate in there, and I know some screws will need to come out soonish, but I'm putting it off for as long as I can, I have been out of the game for too long!

Here's a couple of X-ray's, post-surgery
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I love your idea of printing out the Calorie King university, I might have to pinch it and do that myself!
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby opal630 » Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:29 pm

Firstly, ouch! That looks painful, do you have problems going through metal detectors?

You're doing really well and it's great to hear your partner is so supportive and encouraging. I can totally relate to what you said about how you felt in high school. I always thought I was fat in high school but I look at my highschool formal photos and I would be happy to look like that again. I think teenage girls are so hard on themselves (and eachother).

I'm sure you'll reach your goal, you may have gained 20 kilos in a year but you can lose it in the same amount of time and you're well on your way to getting there.
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Tarz » Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:23 pm

ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!!!!

opal630 wrote:do you have problems going through metal detectors?

Even though that is a very good question still couldn't help but have a small chuckle. :oops:

When you get the screws out how long do you think you will be out for again?
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Czarina » Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:41 pm

I haven't had the need to go through a metal as yet, but I'm sure it will be fun when I do! :lol:

If I only get a couple of screws out, I should only be out for a few weeks. The problem is it is going to be classified as elective surgery - even though one of the screws is really annoying and is protruding quite prominently under the skin - the wait is going to be long, and if I were to tell Centrelink I need an op, I wouldn't be looking for work for months, with the combined wait and recovery time. I am just so sick of being at home and jobless! I just want to get my life in order first and sort the ankle out later. It's not too painful, more irritating, with the screws catching on the tops of my shoes, etc, and the lack of flexiblity I have at the moment. But I can deal with it, for now.
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Fat Bottomed Girl » Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:28 pm

Your poor ankle! Looks like you did a thorough job of breaking it...
I'm so impressed that you have been dealing with something that has put you out of action for so long, and yet you are
still positive and losing the weight - go you good thing! (Makes me realise what a lazy cow I've been.....)
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby ~Rose~ » Tue Apr 08, 2008 5:45 pm

omg Czarina that looks like it would have really hurt.. sorry to hear you've had a hard run of things, but your positiveness now is very inspiring and wonderful to hear :D
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”


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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby holly80 » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:53 pm

ouch, you poor thing. well done for having an attitude like you do. well done. I would have given up long ago...

Holly

Every 5 kilos off= Pandora Charm


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Rule your mind or it will rule you.You may delay, but time will not !!!
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Czarina » Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:30 pm

Fat Bottomed Girl wrote:Your poor ankle! Looks like you did a thorough job of breaking it...
I'm so impressed that you have been dealing with something that has put you out of action for so long, and yet you are
still positive and losing the weight - go you good thing! (Makes me realise what a lazy cow I've been.....)


Hey! Don't be so hard on yourself! You're doing something now aren't you? That's what counts. :D

holly80 wrote:ouch, you poor thing. well done for having an attitude like you do. well done. I would have given up long ago...


There were times where I nearly did give up, believe you me, I didn't have a positive attitude the whole way along! In fact I don't know how my partner put up with me! We had only been together for three months when I had the accident, but he has been amazing. I was very depressed for quite a while during the whole ordeal, and if it hadn't been for him giving me hope, telling me that I wasn't fat, I was beautiful and being so patient and caring toward me (I don't deal with change well at the best of times!), I really don't know what I would've done. So I feel I have to give him the majority of the credit for how I am now.

To be honest, I probably could've been up a walking a little bit sooner than I was. After I lost my job, which I had been at for over three years - and on many occassions had gone above and beyond the call of duty, was when I became really distressed because I felt that I had no reason to get better asap, I had nowhere to go back to and had to start from scratch. I also only attended two hydrotherapy sessions, because I was absolutely terrified of the whole thing, seeing as I broke my ankle slipping on a hard wet surface. And what surrounds a hydrotherapy pool, a hard wet surface...maybe I should've seeked out some professional help, but I never wanted to leave the house. I was scared of the world. Maybe I just wasn't ready. So much had changed I was just uncomfortable with everything. I was injured, my best friends had (sister and cousin) moved away, I had a live-in boyfriend (a good thing, yes, but a big change!), no job, no contact for months with my father - who I was extremely close to - as he would just criticise me about my weight...

But, thankfully, I have I have dealt with it and come out the other end. So please don't think I am brave, I was weak and overwhelmed for what felt like an eternity, but I finally opened my eyes and see now that life is good and most importantly; everthing happens for a reason...
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby ~Rose~ » Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:35 pm

So please don't think I am brave, I was weak and overwhelmed for what felt like an eternity,


Aww hon that's exactly what bravery/courage is though... being afraid or overwhelmed of something but still pushing your way through anyway.
It's wonderful that you've got such a supportive partner :D I know how much that helps (luckily mine is also very supportive). But I still think your brave!!! :P it's you hon that's here getting healthy and as thankful as we all are for wonderful support, ultimately its you that has to do it... sooo good on you, your doing great :D
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”


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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby holly80 » Wed Apr 09, 2008 8:48 pm

I agree, and pushing your weigh through any hard situation take alot of courage and makes you a strong person....

Holly

Every 5 kilos off= Pandora Charm


SW: 86kg 31/8/06
CW:
WL:
GW: 75kg

Rule your mind or it will rule you.You may delay, but time will not !!!
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby Czarina » Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:46 am

Thanks guys :D

Well, I am now 800g away from my next mini-goal, and 10kg for the year so far. I'm not sure what to reward myself with, all I know is it won't be too extravagant as I've spent a bit of money recently going to see the Smashing Pumpkins, and with the Foo Fighters coming up in a couple of weeks...I'm thinking maybe some Bio-Oil would be a good idea - help fade these stretch marks! :D
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby holly80 » Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:21 pm

oh my god, your so close. Keep up the good work. How exciting seeing th foo fighters. Thats would be an awsome show

Holly

Every 5 kilos off= Pandora Charm


SW: 86kg 31/8/06
CW:
WL:
GW: 75kg

Rule your mind or it will rule you.You may delay, but time will not !!!
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Re: Czarina's Journey

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:27 pm

Way to go! I'm sure you'll be at that mini-goal in no time at all. Sorry to hear about your poor ankle. I hope it heals quickly!
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