I thought that I might document my loss this way too. I must say that this forum is much more active and more supportive than ones I have been a part off in the past, and it’s free. I’m a member of a couple of others and there certainly isn’t the same sense of understanding. They seem more, hmm, ‘in theory’ based.
Anyway, as I mentioned really briefly in my intro I’m 29 and only a few weeks away from my 30th birthday. My background is basically, that I was an overweight child & teenager. I was diagnosed with a hormonal disorder when I was 14 and battled the ups and downs. I lost a little weight in Year 12 and after that my mother committed suicide and I went on a bit of a bender. I lost weight, because all I was doing was drinking heavily, smoking and not eating. After wasting a year or so and not dealing I got myself together and started shift working. Grabbing bites of food between late shifts and from then I pretty much gained and lost, gained and lost. This continued for a few years.
After a few flaky relationships I met a man, we got serious and he moved in with me. About 12 months after we both seemed to balloon and before I knew it I was 115kg, I lost around 8kg but the emotional pressure from his family was quite amazing and they blamed me for his weight gain (even though I worked full time and he just sat at home and ate)and his mother even told me that she ‘didn’t deserve’ to have a fat son because she had raised him correctly. After a while I ended up being referred to a psychiatrist to deal with my unhealthy relationship with food. It was her that helped me see that my relationship was emotionally toxic and as I grew stronger I found the strength to leave. I remain friends with my ex now, but on reflection I see how bad things really were. It’s funny, he didn’t hit me and cause scars that way, but I forgot how to think for myself, how to care about myself and how to be comfortable with myself. When we split I was back up the scale and sitting at 117ish
As soon as I finally got in to my own place I dropped from 117 to 108 and felt much better. Although I knew I had more to lose I was happier being in control. Over the next 12 months without doing anything apart from being ok with myself I lost another 3kg and felt great.
Then it happened, my curse it seems. I met a boy and we fell for each other on the spot. We are now happily living together and have been for about 10 months. During that time I noticed myself going from 105 to 108.7 and I really want my relationship gain to be a thing of the past. He was an apprentice chef when we met, so there was a lot of good food around. The gain was not linked to emotional eating. I want to be healthy and happy and for us to be able to live a long happy life together. I also have a lot of genetic lady problems (thanks mum!
) and may need to have assistance to conceive, so I want to be at my optimal weight range when it comes time. It’s funny, but without that external pressure to improve myself that is just what I want to do. When I mentioned to my partner that I wanted to shift some kilos, his reaction was nothing but support and encouragement and a reminder that he loves me no matter what and I shouldn’t try to do it because I think he wants me to.
I have my first weigh in on Tuesday morning and I thought that I might post my efforts here, because I am using a WW system, but not going to meetings, I thought the level of accountability would be good for me.
Thanks to listening to me ramble!