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Need2loseit needs advice

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Need2loseit needs advice

Postby need2loseit » Fri Nov 07, 2008 12:17 pm

Hi everyone, i need advice.

When i joined i was all set to really get this going and finallt get rid of the exrta 60 kg im carrying and then life happened...

For the last month i have been working alot of extra hours and although now that has now stopped (quit my job, start a new one monday :) ), it resulted in me reverting back to bad habbits that caused the major weight gain in the first place and i feel very overwhelmed and stuck. At the moment i work full time, study part time and run our house hold which consists of me my partner and his brother who is one of the laziest, messiest, men i have ever met! It also doesn't help that i dont have a huge support system in my partner. Don't get me wrong he is more than happy to "help" me lose weight as long as he doesnt actually have to do anything. If i ask him to take care of tea for me because i have had a really long day, he gets take out. Ive asked him to cook tea because i dont want to have take out and he tells me that i should cook then cause he wont. :evil: Last night after having a "mexican standoff" situation we ended up getting maccas at 930 pm. NOT GOOD!!!!

So i'm looking for advice.

How do i get myself back into the frame of mind that i can do this
How do i get my partner to see that it wont actuallt kill him to remove his backside from the couch and help me out with cooking etc
How do i get thru this feeling of complete hoplessness that has me on the brink of tears constantly

Any advice or tips would really be appreciated

Thanks
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Re: Need2loseit needs advice

Postby chucky » Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:21 pm

I am REALLY GOING TO HATE MYSELF for saying this, and i am sure you have already been told this but you got to really want it, to be able to do it. This theory has just kicked in with me today and tommorrow might just be a different story but I hope not.
Set some goals, and I dont think you should concentrate to much on food, its important but if your craving something dont starve your body from it because it will make you bindge...
Good luck with it, I really hope you get back on track..... Sorry if I wasn much help
MELANIE

13/10/08 - 88KG
GW: 70KG
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Re: Need2loseit needs advice

Postby Fireball » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:51 am

Wow. You've got a lot on your plate. It's no wonder it's difficult to focus on weightloss and no wonder you feel a bit depressed. There are a few different issues here.
1. You want your partner to take some turns cooking but he's not pulling his weight. At the end of the day, why should your partner change his behaviour? He's got it made. Either you cook or he has take away (which I assume he enjoys).I dont know how you work out your tasks around the home, i.e. who does what but this is one of the single biggest problems in relationships. Women so often feel their partner wont contribute fairly. If you are serious about sorting this out you may need to go to counselling. The earlier you address this issue the better. I imagine if he has a lazy brother around that wont help as it encourges him to slack off. It would be great if you could get rid of your partners brother :evil: he is probably adding a lot of stress to an already busy lifestyle.
2. You say you want to lose weight but your partner's behaviour is not helping. You dont mention your husband's physique. Is your partner sabotaging your efforts to lose weight? Maybe he is afraid you are too good for him or you'll run off with someone else if you get into shape?

I agree with what Chucky said - at the end of the day whether or not your partner helps, You have to want it, You have to set goals and You have to be determined do it. My husband and I both used to smoke. (I smoked 60 a day!) We often tried to quit together and it didnt work because we would sabotage, egging each other on to "break" until one of us would buy smokes. Sort of like your getting the take away. Then I decided to get seriuous. I quit on my own. He kept on smoking. That was 11 years ago and I've never looked back. My husband quit about 4 years after me. So if you really want to do it, Do It. Don't feel like a victim because your partner is not giving you the support you would like. Be a winner.Do it because You deserve it.
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Re: Need2loseit needs advice

Postby need2loseit » Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:36 pm

chucky wrote:I am REALLY GOING TO HATE MYSELF for saying this, and i am sure you have already been told this but you got to really want it, to be able to do it. This theory has just kicked in with me today and tommorrow might just be a different story but I hope not.
Set some goals, and I dont think you should concentrate to much on food, its important but if your craving something dont starve your body from it because it will make you bindge...
Good luck with it, I really hope you get back on track..... Sorry if I wasn much help


Thank you for your advice. i have made a couple of small goals but im not telling my partner what they are. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. I really do want this, im sick of crying when i see photos of myself. I WILL do this
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Re: Need2loseit needs advice

Postby need2loseit » Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:48 pm

Fireball wrote:Wow. You've got a lot on your plate. It's no wonder it's difficult to focus on weightloss and no wonder you feel a bit depressed. There are a few different issues here.
1. You want your partner to take some turns cooking but he's not pulling his weight. At the end of the day, why should your partner change his behaviour? He's got it made. Either you cook or he has take away (which I assume he enjoys).I dont know how you work out your tasks around the home, i.e. who does what but this is one of the single biggest problems in relationships. Women so often feel their partner wont contribute fairly. If you are serious about sorting this out you may need to go to counselling. The earlier you address this issue the better. I imagine if he has a lazy brother around that wont help as it encourges him to slack off. It would be great if you could get rid of your partners brother :evil: he is probably adding a lot of stress to an already busy lifestyle.
2. You say you want to lose weight but your partner's behaviour is not helping. You dont mention your husband's physique. Is your partner sabotaging your efforts to lose weight? Maybe he is afraid you are too good for him or you'll run off with someone else if you get into shape?

I agree with what Chucky said - at the end of the day whether or not your partner helps, You have to want it, You have to set goals and You have to be determined do it. My husband and I both used to smoke. (I smoked 60 a day!) We often tried to quit together and it didnt work because we would sabotage, egging each other on to "break" until one of us would buy smokes. Sort of like your getting the take away. Then I decided to get seriuous. I quit on my own. He kept on smoking. That was 11 years ago and I've never looked back. My husband quit about 4 years after me. So if you really want to do it, Do It. Don't feel like a victim because your partner is not giving you the support you would like. Be a winner.Do it because You deserve it.



Thank you for your advice. To answer your question my partner is quite overweight as well. And i have noticed that as soon as i start getting somewhere with my weightloss he brings me home junk food, and food i shouldnt be eating. He says that as long as he loves me and finds me attractive it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. He just cant understand how unhappy i am. As for the housework, i do everything he keeps the couch warm. I do the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, put the bins out, make his lunch for work - EVERYTHING! and your right, he has it made. I can't believe i have never noticed before when its so bloody obvious!!!! :evil:
As for his brother - he has even admitted he likes to cause problems and arguments between us. He finds it very entertaining. i really struggle to be around him at times. But after reading what you and Chucky have said i dont feel as alone now, and i do deserve this and i know i want this. I just have to take it a day at a time. Thank you
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Re: Need2loseit needs advice

Postby Fireball » Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:04 am

Need2,

Good on you. Do set some goals for yourself and focus on what you can control. It's quite likely your partner really wants to lose weight too and I'd be surprised if he hasn't tried in his own way but is finding it too hard. We all know what it is like, you have to work out what wIll work for you and then be disciplined enough to stick it out, even when you don't feel like it. (I even had a slip up today so feel like a hypocrit giving advice :oops: :lol: ) I'm happy that you can see this is about you. It is your journey. As long as you don't quit and try to learn from your experiences there is no reason why you won't succeed. Down the road your partner may join you. Only the last few months my husband stopped dumping huge amounts of fat in his cooking and started to consider healthy alternatives. So Go For It!
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