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Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

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Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby GoddessInside » Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:30 pm

Ok, so I am back :)

I will update what's been happening in the world of Helen soon, but had to share my progress photo !!
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SW: 233.2kgs - Nov 2012
SW148.0kgs - 14 Oct 2014
CW 141.2kgs
GW 132kg
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GoddessInside
 
Posts: 3040
Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2007 3:53 pm
Location: Sydney

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby Blitz » Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:21 am

Thanks for the progress photo Helen! :D

The curves are starting to come in already! Looking real fine...watch out world! 8)
Looking forward to your update on your exciting journey to that better future! :D

Kim
Was: 153.7kg
Lost: 87kg
Now: keeping it off for life!
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Location: Perth WA

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby DD Diva » Thu Oct 30, 2014 7:20 am

Looking HOT there GI....you go girl!!!! :wink: Keep up the AMAZING job, your transformation is inspirational!!!! :D

I haven't posted ANY progress photos of myself as yet. This is because I'm saving it all for the very end, a kind of BIG (and little) reveal if you will!!! :wink: :lol: :lol: Every time I look back at photos of my old self, and then look in the mirror, I am still blown away by the difference, and I can't wait to share them with you all, but for now....the road to my destination is still ahead!! I'll see you at the end, and you will see me (finally) when I get there!!! AND I WILL GET THERE!!! :wink:
DD Diva
 

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby Blitz » Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:58 am

I for one would love to see some progress photos of you Josie.
Like Helen's photos above - they are so inspirational to others on their journey.

Unfortunately, I only took one photo of myself during weight loss when I had lost around 40 kilos. The photo was of my wife, daughter and myself taken at the insistence of my wife who was pleased with how I looked. It was about then that my friends and family just started realising that I was losing weight. I look at the photo now and you really can't tell I had lost that much. Certainly not as dramatic as Helen's wonderful photos. :D

I wish I had taken more progress photos but I just didn't think to do it. The irony is that every weekend I get my picture taken dozens of times. People never think that the magician would love copies of these photos performing at their parties. :roll:

Kim
Was: 153.7kg
Lost: 87kg
Now: keeping it off for life!
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Blitz
 
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Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 7:05 pm
Location: Perth WA

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby DD Diva » Fri Oct 31, 2014 6:35 am

Blitz wrote:I for one would love to see some progress photos of you Josie.
Like Helen's photos above - they are so inspirational to others on their journey.

Unfortunately, I only took one photo of myself during weight loss when I had lost around 40 kilos. The photo was of my wife, daughter and myself taken at the insistence of my wife who was pleased with how I looked. It was about then that my friends and family just started realising that I was losing weight. I look at the photo now and you really can't tell I had lost that much. Certainly not as dramatic as Helen's wonderful photos. :D

I wish I had taken more progress photos but I just didn't think to do it. The irony is that every weekend I get my picture taken dozens of times. People never think that the magician would love copies of these photos performing at their parties. :roll:

Kim

I understand, and will definitely share the "before" and "after" photos (hopefully soon) but for now the numbers in my signature will have to be enough.
I still see myself as "big" albeit "not as big" but still on the heavy side, and I don't believe my transformation is anywhere near as impressive as Helen; she looks AMAZING!!!! :wink:
My husband thinks I look fantastic, but I always think (as he wants to remain my husband) he HAS TO say that!!! :roll:
DD Diva
 

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby Blitz » Fri Oct 31, 2014 8:04 pm

I think we all have trouble seeing our transformations without bias.
I thought nothing about how dramatic was my change until friends and acquaintances were starting to fail to recognise me! :shock: :lol:
I think it was because I saw the changes daily and it didn't really register just how different I looked.

Kim
Was: 153.7kg
Lost: 87kg
Now: keeping it off for life!
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Blitz
 
Posts: 3337
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 7:05 pm
Location: Perth WA

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby GoddessInside » Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:08 am

That is the part that I am struggling with the most. The transformation and allowing my head to catch up. I get so frustrated with myself as this year I have been losing the same 15kgs over and over again and I thought my head would have caught up but it hasnt.

I look in the mirror and I often stare at myself, trying to gage who that person is looking back at me. I can't identify with her, I don't know her, She frightens me. Im not sure why I get these feelings, but, I do know that these are the reasons why I can not break past my barrier of 138kg ( which is the lowest weight I have recorded so far). I have gone to many psychologists to help me, but they don't get it. They are text book psychs. They've not walked a day in my shoes as a super obese person, they don't understand. I get so disheartened when I can see they just go back to their text books to help me that I then stop going.

Today marks 99 days until I go to The USA and meet the man of my dreams. He has been with me through thick and thin, he was with me at 233kgs, he is wonderful. Although I have had my procedure and am losing weight for myself, an underlying reason is him too. I want us to live a fulfilling life ( he is very active and leads a busy lifestyle ), I don't want to be the reason he stops that and then regrets me or us at any point. I know I shouldnt think like this. My head rationalises everything and I have argued every point in my mind, however, my point ( although long winded), is that I still see myself as that 233kg woman.

I know I am not.
I see that Im not ( in the mirror)
I am not HUGE like her
I don't waddle like
I can breathe normally
I can get out of bed without having to rock to build momentum to help my knees as I get up
I have such a beautiful wardrobe which includes more than 1 pair of shoes !
I am fitter
I am healthier
I am no longer reliant on people
I can climb stairs
I no longer rely on my disability permit

BUT

I still see her.
I still feel her.

I am not sure if I can ever let her go. She is like this dark shadow that hangs over me, that I can not shake off. She is the one that sits on my shoulder and sabotages me. She is the one that instills fear of succeeding. She is the one that makes me believe that I am still not good enough.

I dont know how crazy this sounds. Im not even sure if anyone can or will relate, not saying that righteously, just saying. I know I am not alone and everyone has weightloss demons, that's why we are here, right ?

But hell, why cant she just, leave and allow me to celebrate and really learn to love and accept myself ?
SW: 233.2kgs - Nov 2012
SW148.0kgs - 14 Oct 2014
CW 141.2kgs
GW 132kg
User avatar
GoddessInside
 
Posts: 3040
Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2007 3:53 pm
Location: Sydney

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby DD Diva » Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:47 am

Helen, you're not crazy!! The feelings you've taken the time to share so openly, are ones that I have felt (and periodically still do).
I STILL don't see a thin person, because I'm not (technically I am still "obese" and won't actually get to "overweight" until about 68kg) :oops:
If you read back through some of my posts (a few months ago) I had a real hard time of it.
I went through a very "angry" stage, simply because people were starting to treat me as one of them!!! Can you believe that??? For so long all I ever wanted was to "fit in" and suddenly when I do, I'm angry that I'm treated so nicely because of how I look. I just wanted to scream "hey numbnuts, that's the ass of same person that a year ago you either chose to ignore, or stared at her like she was some kind of freak in a circus"!!!
I just wanted to scream I AM STILL ME, just a smaller version of myself.
But you know what?????????
I'M ACTUALLY NOT.
It wasn't until I realised that I HAD changed, physically that my brain followed suit. I actually started to THINK different about how I saw myself, and the rest of the world that I have now became a visible part of.
I am fitter, more confident, and soooooooooo full of energy that I bounce off the walls!! The girl I used to be wouldn't DREAM of going to the gym 5 days a week for 1.5 hrs (minimum) at a time; she'd still be struggling to get from the couch to the fridge (a more few feet away) :shock: :oops:

I can't wait to hear all about your reunion with your new man in the US....you lucky duck....I love the US and the people in it!!! :wink:
DD Diva
 

Re: Goddess Inside: The butterfly emerging

Postby DD Diva » Sat Nov 01, 2014 11:56 am

Oops I accidentally did a "cut and paste" of only part of my message to you.

YOU CAN LET HER GO....but don't force the separation, take it slow!!!
I still have my old BIGGER self inside me, but she is disappearing slowly, and I'm letting her go.
I/we just have to remember, to really LIKE who we are we need to appreciate where we came from, and part of that means letting go of the fear that kept us fat for years.
Don't be afraid Helen, life is good and short, too short to be afraid. GET OUT THERE and be the person you've transformed into, you've work damn hard, and you DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!! xx :wink: :D
DD Diva
 

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