Okay, I kinda disappeared there for a short while... And so did everything else... But I'm back now.
First I just wanna write some stuff down. It's gonna be long - don't read it if you don't wanna, I just feel the need to write stuff. Of course, if you wanna read or skim, go ahead!
So. Going back 2 weeks ago...
I skipped my weigh in, cos I decided I couldn't have lost any weight. I forget now why I made that decision, but I suspect it had a lot to do with exams, stress, cheap chocolate, cheap food, and all those lovely things. So I "forgot" Sunday morning before breakfast, and clearly
couldn't do it afterwards anyway. Oh, also my bike broke, so I couldn't go for rides. Not that I really had time with all my study, but that was part of it.
So that Monday my exams finally started and by Tuesday midday, they were all over. That was good. My friend came up to visit, and we went shopping (she needed a formal dress - I love shopping with her cos she's a 6-8, so it's like having a life-size Barbie doll and I can find her all sorts of pretty bargains). Also we needed to celebrate - ice creams all round.
The next day was my birthday party, which I'd agreed to have as brunch at The Pancake Parlour. Yeah, maybe not the best idea, but since I don't drink and 2 of my friends are under age, I didn't really want to go clubbing, and due to everyone elses exams, no one wanted to do anything late. Plus no one else had done brunch - it was different, and nice. And pancake-ie. *sigh*
Then there was a couple of other days which involved not much. De-stress, calm down, avoid outside where it was starting to get HOT. Visit my sister and de-stress with chips. Make half-hearted attempts and packing my stuff, since I had to move out of college on the weekend. Half I didn't feel like doing the internet thing, half I knew I wasn't doing well and eating and didn't want to come here and face up to it. Didn't visit, neway.
Then on Saturday, I turned TWENTY. Big number. Not a teenager. Big.
REALLY crappy birthday. Went down to breakfast, saw 5 of my good friends, all of them forgot until someone else walked in and said Happy Birthday. No presents first thing, and although that sounds really shallow, I realised this is the first birthday I haven't had presents on the day in the morning. Nothing from my mum. That made me sad. I held off tears - didn't want my first thing as a 20 year old to be to cry, doesn't bode well for the decade ahead. I went back to my room, and it was HOT already, and it looked ugly since I'd had to take down some of my posters. Then my sister rang, and for some reason I burst into tears, which I don't think was what she expected at all. Also I decided ages ago I was gonna try and be under 100kg for my birthday, but I failed that. My sister told me she was coming over.
She gave me a present - the only one I got on my actual birthday, which is a new thing for me. Then we spent the rest of the day in my hot ugly little room packing all my stuff, since college was booting me out at 10am the next day. It took until 5pm. It sucked, BIG time. We had dinner at college, then went into the city to get birthday cake. The one my sister got was nicer, but they put a candle in the top for me. But you know - cake. It's good, but it also makes you feel not so good. I wanted to go for a walk, but my sister was chaffing so we didn't. Then I went home. To my now very ugly room with piles of crap everywhere.
Next morning was also HOT, and I thought we weren't getting breakfast (turns out I was just too early). Got my stuff packed, but it took my a hour to get my hands on a working vacuum cleaner. I was in tears (again) by the end of that - I just wanted to go home. Fitting everything in the car was hard though! But I went home.
Crappy birthday ended on Tuesday when I made myself a birthday cake. I didn't get a proper one on Saturday, so I made one. Well, I picked a bad recipe, and stuffed up part of it, and it fell apart. Still edible, just ugly and not as tasty as I wanted. After dinner I decided it was cake time and told my sister. I went and asked Mum and Dad if they wanted a bit of cake (I had mentioned to both earlier that it was birthday cake). Dad just said no, mum said yes but made no move to get up, I asked her if she wanted me to bring it to her and she said yes please. Well, I still wanted candles, so I had candles. A few random ones, neway. Then I lit them. Then I blew them out. Then I put them away, and served up the cake. Then my sister (in true younger sister style) got annoyed that I had a bigger bit than she did. So I ate my not-very-nice birthday cake by my self, all alone.
Oh, and no one sung happy birthday. I sang it to me when the clock struck 12. That was it.
Well, that was that, anyway. I guess everyone gets some bad birthdays. That was mine. Can't do anything about it now.
Now I'm at home. The problem is, at college I could only eat at meal times, cos that was when I was in the dining hall. Here, food is always there and always seems like a good idea. I'm going to have to think hard about how to get around that now, cos I feel like I've been eating nearly non-stop since I got home.
I'm looking for a job now. The cafe's are the most likely to hire me. I don't think that's such a good idea.
On a more positive note, I went shopping with mum on Wednesday. I got a pretty new top from Autograph in a size Small. Of course, it's a plus size small, but it's still a small, a 16-18 rather than a 20-22.
Today mum and me went to the tip, and on the way back we talked about clothes a bit. I was wearing said new top, and I said I liked the way it fitted, cos I think I bought some other tops too big. Then I drew a deep breath and mentioned that I have been attempting to loose weight recently, that I'd bought a set of scales and have lost about 8kg so far. (If you've read some of my other posts, you'll know this is something I've been dreading, because it feels like admitting fault.) I kept it really light, like I don't really care (which is a bit true right now really). She said wow, congrats. She also said she thought I had lost weight, but she didn't want to say anything cos she knows I hate it. I reaffirmed that hate, and thanked her. Then we talked about something else.
But at least I did it. It's over.
And that is me for the past 2 weeks. I've eaten to much. I've gotta work out how not to now. I've getting back on the wagon, or at the very least picking myself out of the dirt and starting to chase it.
I'll weigh myself again soon, maybe Monday. At the moment my scales are kinda buried on my bedroom floor under all the stuff I haven't put away yet. I'll find them eventually.
I've also got a pile of DVD's to watch. I'm going to pinch mum's treadmill like I do sometimes and try and walk my way through them, starting with the Lord of the Rings Extended, then moving on to Scrubs I think. I'll see just how much tv I can walk through.
Over and out for now.