Hi Shel! Yep, I am feeling pretty desperate. I guess after gaining basically 4kg in under 4 weeks you get that way. Particularly when I can't see the weight ever shifting now it's here. Each time I have a gain it gets harder and harder to lose it, so I'm jsut really scared that it will be permanent this time
It's strange to say, but I honestly beleive that getting rid of this fat WILL make me happier *ducks for cover*. Two very good reasons why I beleive this:
1. I've been there before (48.1kg in Feb 06) and it was fantastic!!!!!! I loved it, I was busting with confidence, work was getting done, things were being acheived, I didn't hate myself or my body. I felt like I didn't even HAVE a body!!
2. Getting things done and making achievements is what keeps me going and makes me feel like my life is worthwile. When I have excess fat, I hate myself, I'm depressed, and I just cannot achieve anything. So, in a roundabout way, being happy with my body allows me to create meaning in my life. Being thin, just on it's own, does not create meaning. Dunno if this makes sense???
It's not the lack of fat itself, it's what it means to me and what it allows me to create in my life...
Nah didn't get any sleep last night. Tonnes this morning though, I woke up at 9am!!! Ooops meant to start work 8am. Called in sick hahaha.
I made a pretty damn good carrot cake this morning. Just posted it in the recipes section
Now, off walking to Safeway to buy back all that I ate in last night's binge
Luckily it's a sunny day!
You know the bad bit about working for council, living in the local area and being sick?? I'm marooned in my house!! I work in the same area as all the outdoor crews.... so whenever a ute or a truck goes past with the council logo on the side, 99.9% chance that the driver knows me. I'm surrounded