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Dont know if this is inappropriate, but...

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Dont know if this is inappropriate, but...

Postby Playboy_bunny » Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:10 am

Hi :)
A good friend of mine recently started going out with a new guy. (about a month and they havent slept together) About a year ago, she had a health scare ( veeeery ex partner from about 5 years ago found out he was hiv positive. She did all the tests, and on top of that pap smear, std checks, everything, and it all came out fine) Anyway, she wants this new guy to go and get an aids test and stds, etc, before they have censored but doesnt know how to bring it up with him....I said just ask him, as its the responsible thing to do. She thinks its too embarrassing. So, my question is, Did you ask your partner to get tested for anything and how did you go about it? (hope it wasnt too inappropriate, just would like some ideas to tell her :) ) thanks everyone
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Tue Jun 05, 2007 11:04 am

no, I didn't, but I wish I had. I havn't caught anything (have since given blood and they test for those things) but it would have been the right thing to do and I think I was stupid not to. I would advise her to talk to him about her past experience, eg

a long time I was with a guy and he turned out to be HIV positive. That really scared me and I had to go through all the tests. I came out all fine with nothing wrong, but it made me realise that I need to be careful about these things so it important to me that you be tested before we sleep together.
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15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Jun 05, 2007 11:10 am

no i didnt ask my fiance but we waited ages before doing anything. being pregnant they test for all sorts of things so i know i havent picked up HIV etc. i think if this guy who is with your friend really has feelings for her then it shouldnt be a problem for him to go and get tests done. if i was her id say 'lets go get tested together' and that way she isnt targeting him either.
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Tue Jun 05, 2007 11:26 am

that's a good idea kate
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby Chelle » Tue Jun 05, 2007 11:40 am

it is a good idea kate

I had censored at the age of 14 & also had an misscarriage at 15 so asking never really crossed my mind..
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Postby milkyway » Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:21 pm

With my former partner, we got tested together. We used condoms until that point and then after the tests came back all clear, whoo hoo! It was just a given that that's what we'd do. He was the one to bring up the testing thing as his ex girlfriend's brother had HIV which made it quite real to him whereas I was pretty much living in lala land. I was thinking about it but unsure of how to broach it but when he did, it was like 'phew!'

With my next partner - he was tested before we slept together. I didn't feel the need as I was in a monogomous relationship for 5+ years (the guy I got tested with - no one in between).

Before we were married, my husband and I both got tested when we moved to China together (a full on medical was part of the visa process where they did ECGs, ultra sounds, blood testing).

I've since been tested several times (when I picked up a tropical disease Typhus and they had trouble diagnosing it, they tested me for EVERYthing - twice!).

So yeah, make it a 'together' thing. I prefer censored without condoms and I'm sure most men do, too - so it's a 'treat' once the testing is done and out the way... though the thing is, you should get tested again or wait at least 3 months after the last time either of you had unprotected censored because it can take some time for the virus to show up in blood tests.

My husband recently had a needlestick injury at work :( so we have to wait another 2 months for his next test :roll: But he works with the elderly and chances of him contracting anything nasty from this patient are about one in a billion! Still, we have to be safe :evil:

I gave blood once back in my early twenties as I knew they'd do the screening - so perhaps your friend can get her guy to swing by the blood bank with her on a pseudo date :P
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
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Postby yummymummy » Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:23 pm

In this day an age being embarrased just doesnt cut it as an excuse to not look after your own wellbeing and health, between HIV Hep C, all the STDs out there you just got to get tested when you have a new partner.
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Postby soon2bayummymummy » Sun Aug 05, 2007 4:28 pm

i wish i had as i found out after he had slept with lots of people and not always used a condom but after falling pregnant and having all the test done we are fine but still if we ever broke up i would so get my partner tested.
My sister has only just got out of hospital as she had got something off her current b.f which lead to pre cancerous cells being cut out. Though she wont get it again from him her b.f could go on and sleep with others and past it on and on (from what im told) but from what im told either her doctor wont get something done to stop him passing it on or wont but either way i wont take a chance ever again.
cheers deb
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Re: Dont know if this is inappropriate, but...

Postby Phat-Beth » Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:27 pm

I'd say just tell him. Honesty is the best policy, and playing games (whether or not the final intentions are good) is not the way to start a relationship. If he freaks, then at least it's only been a month and she can get rid of him and get back to life.

I didn't get tested for my bf, as it was an unplanned (and protected) one night stand that's been going for 10 years. He had been tested very recently before our relationship, about a month, and I got tested soon after. I test every year at my physical, since they're already taking blood and it only costs a tiny bit more to test the full spectrum. My boy has not been tested since, which is a huge thorn in my side since he's a wee bit prone to bar brawls... I think it's a decent thing to do for the sake of yourself and anyone you care about, just like keeping yourself healthy in every other way.

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