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To my friends

Postby electrongirl » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:16 am

To my friends on here.

I wanted to make a post on here about some stuff thats been going though my head lately about my life and stuff but I thought it was a bit personal putting it on here.

so I put it in a blog here:

http://nikkid-harshtruth.blogspot.com/

no one has to read it. I just needed to get some things off my chest.

And please I'm not trying to get attention. If I had a friend to talk to about it I would, but all I have is you guys.

My husband knows about it all but he is my sunshine and I dont want to put darkness on him.
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

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Postby milkyway » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:40 am

You know what Nikki? When I think about you, I think about someone who is strong, determined, humorous, generous and ready and willing to help other people. When you made the post about becoming a WW counsellor, I thought "Perfect!" I really think you'd do a good job at that. You actually strike me as a positive person :)

You were given some pretty harsh circumstances to deal with at a very young age - I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through.

But don't you love those moments of clarity when everything falls into perspective? And I don't doubt for a second that what's gone on in the past has a big impact on how you treat yourself today. I am reminded of a Dr Phil episode (:oops: big fan) when there was a little girl being disciplined by her stepfather military style and Dr Phil said, for every 'bad girl' you say, you need 1000 'good girls' to reverse the damage. And that's something that's really stuck with me.

But you know what else? We don't have to let what has gone on in the past determine our futures. You can take your power back from everyone who has done the wrong thing by you and change that inner voice that tells you all those horrible things.

And you know what else?

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship with your gorgeous husband (Tobey McGuire... mmm). You deserve to be a great mum and have a wonderful relationship with your son (he's really cute, too!). You deserve to be healthy. You deserve to lose weight. You deserve to be happy with your body. You deserve good friends. You deserve a great job. You deserve to be debt free. You deserve the best life you can wish for yourself :D

*hugs*
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
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CW: 71.1kg - 3/5/09
GW 62kg
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Postby losebabyfat_2005 » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:36 am

I definitely think what happened to you in the past has a lot to do with the way you treat yourself now but look how far you've come since those days, i think you are doing very well
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Postby yummymummy » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:53 am

Im sorry these things have happened to you, I think you need someone to talk about this with, maybe visit your GP and organise and see if he can recommend some councilling just so you can deal with how these things have affected your life. I get that your not looking for attention but keeping all these feelings bottled up inside can be healthy for you they going to drag you down. Keep strong but please realize you dont have to deal with this stuff on your own,
Jody

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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:38 am

Firstly Nikki, I want to acknowledge that you went through some horrible things as a child and young person. From my studies I can say that these types of experiences can and do have impacts on people long after the circumstances have ended. Some of these impacts can be negative (ptsd, eating disorders, other psychological problems such as anxiety or depression, cyclical reationship problems, drug use, crime etc).

Oftentimes though, people can also find positives out of their experiences. They recognise personal strenths, discover how to rely on themselves, appreciate their new life and good friends more, maybe find god, or a higher spiritual meaning in life. Part of the process in recovering from 'traumatic' experiences is having to rework your ideas and the experences you have had, so that they make some kind of sense or have some kind of meaning. that is a highly personal and long term process.

Any experiences we have, be they good, bad, or ho-hum will influence you because they give you your history and experiences - the context in which you interpret your life and the things going on around you.

If you need help to go through that, there is no shame in asking someone. Psychologists, social workers, even your GP can help you look at things from another point of view and that might help you to tease out what happened, how it has affected you and what you can pull out of it now.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby electrongirl » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:19 pm

I just want to say think you to those who commented on here.

After I posted this I wanted to delete it straight away. But I didn't.

I worried about how you would all think of me.

I just felt I needed to get it out there. I offer so much advice to people and feel I have some great friends on here, but I felt like a fraud in the sense that no one really knows me.

No one nows that for most of my life I have felt anxious. That I have felt guilty. Unloved.

I have a beautiful husband who adores me. Sometimes I have no idea why.

I love my son so much and he loves me. I feel guilty for giving him up when he was little to his father, and even though he is with me now and has such a better life, I cannot forgive myself.

So many things crowd my head and some how I smile and fake it. People often say I'm so bright and cheery..

If only they knew.
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

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Postby Mandie » Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:46 pm

Nikki - I think Tegan offered some great insight and advice. I just want to add that everyone has things in their past that affect them now - good, and bad... and the most important thing we can do is learn from past mistakes.

You can't go back and change anything.

You need to focus on the strong, wonderful person you are now. You have a husband who loves you (which you TOTALLY deserve, by the way) and you have your son with you, and you're making things the best they can be.

We all have days where we get sad, and dwell on sad things. If you find that you dwell too much on the past, I think seeing a psychologist would be a good idea. It might be useful to confront all of these traumatic events/times head on, and learn from them, and move past them. Recognise them for the positives and strengths you have today, and push away the dark times..

The future is yours, don't let the past steal it away!
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Postby lng86 » Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:50 pm

Hi Nikki,

I completely agree with everything that has been said by others. You are a strong, beautiful woman - and I only wish you would see that for yourself.

Don't let your past take control of you today... I know it's hard - but you deserve nothing but happiness.

I'm so glad that you met your husband. He's a lucky man!

Love,
Lauren.
To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you - Myself (Lauren)
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Postby JP1 » Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:12 pm

I didn't read it but you are a top chickidee on here, you always brighten the place up, cheer yourself up and believe in yourself, good luck :)
Highs : 107 Kg (24 Sept 2007) : 113.5 Kg (12 Jan 2014) : 112.5 Kg (26 Jan 2016)
Current :99.2 Kg (31 May 2016)
Lows : 78.4 Kg (20 May 2008) : 87.4 Kg (on 16 Dec in both 2009 & 2010) : 82.9 Kg (14 Apr 2011) : 87.1 Kg (4 Jul 2011) : 90.5 Kg (14 Jul 2014)
Target : 94 Kgs by 15th Jul
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Postby Sassygirl » Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:12 pm

Now I know that we need to meet up! We definately need a girls night out!
2008 - my year to be great!!





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Postby shelbel » Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:15 pm

Nikki, ive thought about what you have written throughout the day, and im really not good at having the right the words to say to someone with things like this, and everyone has given you some kinda words and i really just wanted to echo what everyone has said, you truly are a top chick and i have every bit of faith in your ability to change your life. You have coped with alot of things in life already. And i wanted you to know you have a friend in me also.

Take care of yourself hon. XXX
Highest Weight - 93kgs
Current Weight - 68.3kgs
Goal Weight - 65kgs

The wise man Stephen King once said - The only way to go on, is to go on. To say 'i can do this' even when you know you cant

You'll find me in the almost there section :)
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Postby zeedeveelgirl » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:18 pm

Oh Nikki, I don't quite know what to say! You're a very brave girl for having the courage to share that with us all. I feel very priveleged for being trusted to read about it...
I wish I could take all of the bad times that you suffered and lock them into a little box and then throw the box as hard as I could into the ocean, never to be found again.
I wish I could take away the pain that you feel.
I wish I could solve your struggles with your weight loss.
And last of all, I wish I could make you see what a truly wonderful person you are, and how much you deserve to lose the weight and become a healthy, happy, confident and radiant person :)

Love Em xoxo
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Postby Rustie » Thu Nov 15, 2007 12:02 am

Nikki,
What happens in the past makes us stronger today. Reading what you wrote is like seeing a mirror image of myself in many ways. Though the trick is to write a list of all the good things in your life:

1) Awsome husband that loves you so very much ( we all can see that)
2) Happy, healthy son who radiates all the good you have taught him
3) You are healthy and not dying of anything

Ect ect ect the list goes on...
Then write all the bad stuff and at the end write.. I am better than all of this and it may have happened but it is now in the past and it can not hurt me in anyway or affect the person i wish to become.. Now burn it !!!
You will be amazed on how good you feel after.

Love ya chooky
Sammie XX
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Postby help6363 » Thu Nov 15, 2007 2:50 am

electrongirl wrote:I just want to say think you to those who commented on here.

After I posted this I wanted to delete it straight away. But I didn't.

I worried about how you would all think of me.

I just felt I needed to get it out there. I offer so much advice to people and feel I have some great friends on here, but I felt like a fraud in the sense that no one really knows me.

No one nows that for most of my life I have felt anxious. That I have felt guilty. Unloved.

I have a beautiful husband who adores me. Sometimes I have no idea why.

I love my son so much and he loves me. I feel guilty for giving him up when he was little to his father, and even though he is with me now and has such a better life, I cannot forgive myself.

So many things crowd my head and some how I smile and fake it. People often say I'm so bright and cheery..

If only they knew.


BIG HUGS!!!

I am not ashamed of you, I am proud of you for making it through all that! The human spirit is pretty amazing, don't you think?

I sent you a PM!

Have a great day!

Cheers

Michelle :D
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Postby electrongirl » Thu Nov 15, 2007 8:36 am

Thank you so much all of you.

A few people have asked me if I am ok, and I am. I just have dark days every now and then.

I am going to try to get some form of counceling asap. Not sure if I have to pay for it as I havn't done it myself before (had it provided for free at Tesltra) so I may have to wait till the money situation is sorted.

You are all such wonderful, supportive people and made me feel so much better about myself.

Thank you all again. Today feels like a good day.
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

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