Name calling

[ali76]

I know this is for posting successes but I have a true story which sadly is not very nice.

I was at a pub with a friend of mine and her husband on Friday night - which co-incided with the Adelaide Big Day Out, so there were lots of drunk people running around town.

We were having a few quiet drinks outside and having a really lovely time, when this guy started gushing all over this very pretty, slim girl sitting behind us. The poor girl was so embarrassed and the guy was SO obvious. My friend (who is tiny and gorgeous) made a joke and said hey mate, we've all heard you - why don't you stop the cars on the street and tell them? She said it in a funny way, not being mean, but the guy got really nasty. He said to my friend ' you look like a dog compared her...as for the fat ugly cow sitting next to you...haha' (meaning me)

I was devastated...I tried to not let it affect me while I was out, but I went home to my partner in tears. He thinks I'm mad for letting it affect me so much, but it was so awful..I didn't even say anything and I coped it...

Anyway, just needed to vent a little. As you can see, it's still bothering me...

[electrongirl]

sadly there are lots of idiots like him in the world, just remember you are better than him!!

Just a question though, if this guy was a bit of a tool, what did your friend expect him to do? My experience with those types is just ignore them.

[big_love]

Oh my goodness thats horrible. Im sorry that some insecure bonehead made you feel so bad about yourself. Unfortunately these a$$holes are everywhere...I've had to deal with it my whole life and let me tell you, it never gets easier...just goes to show, some people grow up, and others prefer to stay the stupid, immature little morons that they are.

Chin up beatiful...*hugs*..easier said than done, but try not to dwell on it. *hugs again*

[ali76]

Thanks guys,

Electrongirl, the funny thing is that it used to always be me that would open my mouth without thinking and make smart ar*e comments like that...so if I got shot down back I could take it...

It's funny isn't it - how in your head you know they're not worth worrying about, but it doesn't make it hurt any less?!

One semi-good thing though, I didn't feel like going to the gym on Sunday but thought of what he said. His voice was in my ear the whole class, and I don't think I've ever worked so hard.

.....sigh....

[Pandora]

i'm so sorry, what a horrible experience that guy is absolute dirt and scum babe, forget him. obviously a total sexist jackass, according to him we're only worth something if we're thin? and the kind of women that would go for such a loser, the kind of women he'd 'accept' are obviously mental so not missing out on much glory there.

what a loser, he deserves a wallop in the teeth.

this is something that really infuriates me, that not fitting this 'perfect cutout' for men would automatically make us shitty people? god, what our bodies are is only 1% of who are as a person, just our earth suits! i've been cut down like that by many a man, it feels like DEATH but the pain goes away in time.

yay, taking it out in the gym is the best medicine!!

i'm sorry matey!! hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

pandora xox

[Sussy]

People are so God Damn RUDE, friggin [email protected], what a tool. He's obviously so repulsive he can't get a girlfriend and has to drool & force himself onto poor innocent people minding their own business. Probably need to feel sorry for this [email protected] more than anything else.

And for the record - for your height (did some research in the "How Tall Are You" section) you're not even that big, and remember, in a few months you'll be HOT as, but he's going to be a [email protected] FOREVER!!!!

[Moomoo]

I know where you are coming from but for slightly different reasons.
I've suffered from name calling too, but more for the fact I had really really big boobs.
Up close and personal, across the street, Across a packed pub there was never any end to it. It wasn't just verbal either, on nights out drunk lads would try for a grope "to see if they where real"
I have now had a breast reduction but mentally it does still hurt, when I think about it I do get tearful. More so because it frustrates me that people can be so shallow. Its a great laugh to them but caused serious damage to me. I'd laugh it off and make comments back because I was infront people but when I went home I'd burst into tears.
Things have got better since the reduction but on my first night out after the op I got a comment from a bloke about having huge boobs. Unfortunately that time I burst into tears - After everything I'd been through to get to that point and he had to ruin it.
Keep your chin up, there is always some @rse hole who doesn't like something about somebody, Tell them to shove it. You're worth so much more.
You can loose your weight but he's never going to change.

[Peterpullar]

As I read the replies I see people care.
Yet I wonder how useful their advice is.
"Ignore it"
The fact remains that that person said what he said, and you felt strong feelings.
"devastated"
sad
angry
At least you expressed some of your feelings by posting that story on the forum.
Another action step you may be interested in taking after you have completed expressing those tears is to really think about what you made that comment mean to you.
And what would be a more useful meaning that you could have that comment mean to you?
Chances are it means nothing about you. It means more about him. He was angry. Possibly furious. He wanted to strike out.
Calling him an idiot or a bit of a tool, dirt, scum babe, total sexist jackass etc is only more of the same.
A$$hole may be useful as a technical term. A person who is not caring at all about how another person feels. I do not think you are one of them, so you probably do not understand him at all. While that does not condone his behaviour, it may give you some access to a more useful way of thinking that leaves you more empowered rather than remaining a victim.
The comment "His voice was in my ear the whole class, and I don't think I've ever worked so hard." brings a smile to my dial.

[Siana-leah]

comments like that dont help us "normal" folk....
just remember that most people resort to this name calling because they feel threatened and want to
hit back....dont lose sleep...you certainly wouldnt be that nasty which makes you a better person than he....

[Pandora]

peterpullar - there's no need to cut down others wishes and advice in offering your own! and no matter how she reacted, doesn't make him any less of a dirtbag. whether it upset ali or not, he's still rotten. it's more than that, WAY more than a little personal interaction, because it's pretty indicative of how many men feel about women who don't measure up to their standards.

hope you're feeling better ali

pandora

[Peterpullar]

Hi Pandora
Thanks for letting me know that I have offended you.
I am committed to being considerate though at times confronting.
I acknowledge you for your supportive comments and your stand that women are seen for who they are rather than how they compare with current beauty standards.
Sure, violence may teach him a lesson however do you really think he would get the lesson that you want to get across?
I think education may be more effective. That way men will learn to really appreciate the true beauty of women, and women will feel more valued.
Thank you for your generous sharing in what you write.
Peter

[Pandora]

thanks peter i didn't mean to be abrupt in my post, i believe i misread the tone of yours; i'd have edited it if i could. lentil soup's making me grumpy. welcome to the forum

i don't encourage violence at all, apart from in self defense. i've been reading quite a few 'fat acceptance' blogs of late about what's really behind it all when someone throws 'fat' your way and it's really very dark, isn't it. i agree that education is the key.

pandora

[ali76]

Hey everyone,

Thank you so much for all of your comments. As much as I'd like to say I'm over it, I have to be honest and say it does still hurt a little. I took some photo's of myself yesterday that I'll post so you can see what he was mocking...

I guess if I wasn't trying so hard to lose weight it wouldn't have bothered me as much, but because it's such a priority at the moment, it really hurt. And the fact I was out and was dressed nicely and had my hair and makeup done, etc....anyhoo!!

The fact is, I'm healthy - and getting healthier as well as fitter, I look after myself through diet and I live a good life and treat others how I would want them to treat me.

So - I'm off to eat an apple, have a glass of water and put a smile on my face

[EvilWombatQueen]

These comments do hurt. It's really awful that a sad little w*nker can have such an affect on someone's self esteem. And we can rationalise it (he is pathetic and hates women) and try to make ourselves feel better (all he managed to do was show what a d*ckhead he was in front of everyone) but in the end it hurts.

Sadly there are many idiots out there. It's not to do with you, it's to do with them. I remember one girl making a snarky comment at a party saying "For Christ's sake will you JUST STOP GIGGLING!" to me (I was drunk and I have to admit I tend to giggle when pissed). I was horrified, mortified and ended up going home crying and feeling like crap for the next week thinking that everyone hated me because I (shock... horror...) giggled. So even when it's not about weight there are sad little idiots out there who are just looking to spoil other people's evenings because we don't fit into their idea of how everyone should be.

All we can do is dust ourselves off, commiserate with like-minded wonderful people... and hope the nasty little a***holes get hit by a bus on the way home.

[emmaline]

Oh man, I just wish people knew the damage they could do.
I bet he didn't even mean it, just used whatever words came out of his mouth because he was ignorant and OBVIOUSLY wrong!
I've been in the exact same situation Ali and it is just awful.
Like no matter what anyone says, you can't get those few words out of your head and it just makes you feel like all your work is for nothing.
But it's definitely not!
You're doing such a great job and I think you totally showed him by going to the gym and kicking butt on Sunday!
You watch, I bet in six months time someone just like him will be fawning all over you (even though you said you had a partner, some guys can't help still trying!) and you'll know how much he isn't worth your time.
Stay strong gorgeous!
We'll show him